Hiroki's guide to easy coitus in Japan
a method has been developed for getting a man's penis wet without the typical and unimaginative ameriCANT bar-club-bar/repeat
procedure . it has been seen through groundwork experimentation that this method succeeds with nearly 60-65% of performing coitus and 90-100% sm00ching depending on state of inebriation. subjects ranged from the 19-26 year category and are representative of the 'normal' girl subset.
since antiquity, men have been trying to maximize their potential of getting laid whilst expending minimal effort. this movement has sprung since the renaissance period, when romeo had to kill many people and sing under that jailbait juillet's window. fast forward a few centuries and examine 1970's america. typical paradigm would be escort a young lady to a number of clubs and bars as the pathetic man would try to show his prowess by gyrating horribly to beegees, wind, earth and fire and other notable artists as featured on soul train. as being liberated from strict societal rules at the end of the vietnam war, this tactic worked considerably well. so well that it has become entrenched as the standard defacto SOP by many an american male. unfortunately, as it is now well into the 21st century, tales of such unscrupulous methods have rendered the average japanese female wary. it is also perceived by 'standard' japanese culture that a girl that goes clubbing, is a girl that is no good. therefore an alternative method of getting your penis wet is needed and it has been found.
this study has been conducted over an 18 month period from april 2007 to october 2008. it is still currently in execution but preliminary results have been found.
Materials and Methods
- Girl - Aged 19-26. typical japanese female ranging from 6-9 on the ubiquitous 10 point scale. normalcy is defined as per the japanese standard. ie: not the raging sluts that hang around u.s. bases or foreigner bars. typically found in college clubs or libraries
- Money - 5000 to 10000yen
- Restaurant/Bars - preferably something very japanese to exhibit a false understanding of their culture. izakayas will suffice nicely
- karaoke bar - typical chain karaoke will suffice. jankara or jumbo are an representative
- love hotel - not entirely necessary but would be nice for round 2
- meet with subject female
- priming, at said restaurant or bar, the girl should be thoroughly dazzled by your knowledge. talking is imperative. if you are english speaking, insert as many japanese words as possible. extra points are obtained if a japanese dialect is spoken. if like the author and an foreign-born japanese, speak english and dazzle the subject with your polyglot leetness
- during the priming stage, the female must be kept lush. amounts will vary but a standard of 1 drink per hour is advisable. too much leads to quick inebriation and too little is insufficient lubrication
- repeat. head to at least 2-3 bars/izakaya/cafes. venue must be changed.
- main. regardless of your state of drunkeness, mention you are drunk and wish to sing. head to your predesignated karaoke joint
- sing. the ice must be broken. song choice will vary from girl to girl but it must be a sappy love song. regardless of his contemporary fudgepacking tendencies, george michael seems to work very well. careless whisper is a song found on almost all karaoke machines and its smooth tones will make her smoother.
- profit. condoms may or may not be necessary
- round 2 at a love hotel if you are lucky for an all night session
with over 20 females, it was observed that 11 were raging sluts that gave it up upon the first try. a further 3 were semi-whores who would willingly and ably perform oral activities. kissing was very common with 19 of the subjects willing.
as these results might seem overly optimistic, an indepth analysis is needed. it was found through observation and consultation with peers that with japanese women, the battle is already half won if they agree and actually come out to meet. pre-screening is done well before that first date and is conducted via texts. therefore, expectations can already be set high up the first seemingly platonic date.
the izakaya/cafe is a setting which immediately puts the girl at ease. as it is a very familiar surrounding to the girl, addition of alcohol will lower inhibitions. it was also determined that over application of alcohol will result in poor sexual performance if it does happen or the girl recognizes her own state of inebriation and will return home. under application will not be sufficient to erase her timidness. that being said, one sober subject proved to be exceedingly raunchy. by the time of enclosure in the private karaoke room, it was already happening
the venue of the karaoke bar is to provide a sense of privacy while being in a very typical japanese setting. said girl has probably spent hundreds of hours with her girlfriends in a similar room so she will still feel comfortable. it was found that this was common amongst all subjects, and it should be noted that all subjects felt more at ease than at a table for 2 at an izakaya. singing provides a method for self mockery, in which by lowering your guard the subject feels more comfortable. kissing is easily obtained after 2-3 songs. unless a retarded utterance is spoken mentioning a subjects face, body or cat-shrieking voice, win should ensue.
it has been found that for japanese women who are reticent to clubs, that a karaoke room will suffice much better.
Acknowledgments and References
Hiroki Tada, Nasioc 2007-2008 experimental observations