After trying again, I'm pretty sure there's something up with my phone's ability to pair with the phone service. As I said before, I didn't seem to have a problem getting it to work on the audio side of things.
After going through the first couple of steps, I get to the point where the car is searching for a phone to connect to. Even though my phone is discoverable, the car doesn't seem to want to pair. One thing I haven't tried, which I just thought of, is that perhaps because my head set (a jawbone) is still registered on my incredible, maybe that's preventing it from pairing successfully with the car. Will try deleting my jawbone from the incredible to see if that helps. If this is the case, I'd probably be ok with that for the time being as I only used the jawbone while driving.. though it does suck if I have to re-pair each time I want to use it.
Worst case scenario, other than it just won't work 'period', is if the fact that it's paired with the car's bluetooth audio is preventing it from pairing with the phone part. I definitely don't want to have to choose between the two. Makes one of the two features useless.
If either of those possibilities turn out to be the case, hopefully froyo will fix the issue... which should be out sometime winter 2014.
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