I'm officially giving up. I bought a Tactrix 2.0 cable today even though I'm not happy about it. Here is the kicker - while the money is irritating its not half as irritating as the 3 weeks I've wasted trying to make it work. If I had known that he hadnt really tested it on an 02/03 and that it wasnt going to work I would have just bought the Tactrix cable in the beginning. As expensive as the cable is, its still way cheaper than an accessport or equivalent. And unlike the AP I can use it on any Subaru from 02+.
Anyone with an 04+ car want to buy a BFM cable from me? We do seem to have proved it works just fine on 04-07 cars here in the forum. So for those people its a no brainer vs the tactrix. If anyone is interested drop me a PM.