You need electrical trouble shooting tools (DMM, $20 from radio shack Found HERE
) and the ability to sit down and logically work through the electrical path from the battery to the starter to see where current is falling off (if at all).
If this is too difficult for you, then a professional will be required. There is no one that can tell you with %100 certainty what is wrong with your car until more troubleshooting is completed.
It looks like you have multiple issues as well (Can't start, can't shift out of P, unknown noise from engine when starting). Either you are trolling (in which case you have really gotten me good
) or you really need more help than a forum can provide someone at your technical level.