Self defense guns aren't about comfortable. They're about practical and effective. A light gun that is comfortable to carry and powerful enough for the job will not be comfortable to shoot because of recoil. There is no magic sauce. The force imparted on your hand will be proportional to the force on your target. If the recoil is small, the gun is either heavy or the round lacks inertia. In some cases, the return spring is too soft creating a more violent recoil. In my ruger, the spring was so light it twisted my hand back violently with every shot because the slide was slamming into the catch in the receiver. By increasing my spring tension from 7 to 11lbs, I essentially made the slide heavier and the recoil is smoother. For the most part, Variables like that don't exist in revolvers.
You have your load and its energy being a combination of bullet weight, geometry and powder load.
Then you have your gun. Grip shape, barrel height, barrel length and overall gun weight (and technically, where the weight is). All in all though, the revolver is what it is and isn't that adjustable (when talking about recoil).