OK - so stopped by the dealership on the way home today.
JOKE IS ON ME.
I was told by a technician that the timing belt had indeed jumped off the left bank. LOL, so I'm the one thread out of 900 ("my car died and won't starts" type) that this freak occurrence was actually the cause. He said belt was reattached but engine still wouldn't start the entire left side is off timing, I guess the camshaft isn't turning properly.
I'm told the left side will be completely torn down and put back together tomorrow and if that doesn't do it then it will need to be rebuilt.
He told me, that in 20 years with Subaru as a tech that he's only seen it twice and is always caused by lack of tension or oil.
Wonder how trust worthy the engine will be after all that?
The other thing was they kept being so annoying when I asked if this would all be covered under warranty, they were like "we'll see" and "let's see what we find"...I guess they are just trying to cover themselves and not commit to anything?