I didn't know this was your first AWD car. Gear shifts are def a little different in this car then in others. I traded in a 370z for my WRX and they are two completely different cars in that aspect. A slight hesitation of sorts like bill mentioned def helps. It's almost as if you slip engage the next gear with the clutch first just a bit as not to shock the drivetrain. Hard to explain, but easy to show if you were in the car with me.
Good luck. Check out Torqued Performance for an email tune. They have great maps and great customer service from what i hear. I will be purchasing my custom map from them tomorrow.