View Single Post
Old 09-29-2000, 05:54 AM   #1
T-WRX
Scooby Specialist
 
Member#: 2468
Join Date: Sep 2000
Chapter/Region: South East
Location: JAX
Vehicle:
08 RS4
05 STi - Gone

Talking OT: Friday Humor

17 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN
by DAVE BARRY

1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has
not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be
"meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.

5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories,
decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger,
a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual
who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that
individual is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. Never lick a steak knife.

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.

14. "The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside,
we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

15. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy
people who are not in them.

16. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice
person.

17. Your friends love you, anyway.
* Registered users of the site do not see these ads.
T-WRX is offline