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Old 02-13-2004, 01:52 PM   #1
well_armed
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Default A look at the root of relationship problems

Deepthought: Humans are inherently a selfish being....I think all relationship problems have to do with a conscious, or in some cases, a subconscious selfish act.

In other words, every problem can usually be traced back to a selfish act.

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Old 02-13-2004, 01:53 PM   #2
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I disagree, every problem can be traced back to WAPCE.


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Old 02-13-2004, 01:54 PM   #3
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Originally posted by SAND_MAN1
I disagree, every problem can be traced back to WAPCE.


WAPCE can be traced to selfishness
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Old 02-13-2004, 01:54 PM   #4
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The problem isn't the relationship. The problem is our expectation that it's supposed to last.
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Old 02-13-2004, 01:55 PM   #5
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The root cause of any problem in any relationship (not just a sexual relationship), even business relationships, etc. is a lack of communication and/or trust. Simple.
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Old 02-13-2004, 01:56 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally posted by aod
The root cause of any problem in any relationship (not just a sexual relationship), even business relationships, etc. is a lack of communication and/or trust. Simple.
Yes, communication is a big part. But, why do you choose to not communicate well with your partner? Becuase you are either lazy, dont want to, or you just dont plain care enough to do it. Thus, a selfish act.
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Old 02-13-2004, 01:58 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally posted by well_armed
Yes, communication is a big part. But, why do you choose to not communicate well with your partner? Becuase you are either lazy, dont want to, or you just dont plain care enough to do it. Thus, a selfish act.
I suppose, or perhaps the person is just spineless and is too scurred to communicate. Luckily, neither me or my wife are that way and we let it all out on the table when something is bugging us. It's really the only way to go.
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Old 02-13-2004, 02:05 PM   #8
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Selfish acts? No. When I ask my g/f for head, it's a selfish act, but it's not putting my relationship in jeopardy because it's offset by selfless acts.

In the end the problem will always come down to honesty; given a situation, are you being honest with your S/O about how you feel? Are you being honest with yourself about how you feel?

Let's face it, most of us are emotional fudgewits when it comes to ourselves and the ones we love (sometimes one in the same, I guess).
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Old 02-13-2004, 02:08 PM   #9
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no, it's about not vocalizing your expectations.

basic communication. relationships are almost like ordering your food at a restaurant. if you want fries, ask for fries. don't expect your server to read your mind. if you want sauce on the side, ask for it.
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Old 02-13-2004, 02:10 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by aod
The root cause of any problem in any relationship (not just a sexual relationship), even business relationships, etc. is a lack of communication and/or trust. Simple.
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Old 02-13-2004, 02:10 PM   #11
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Old 02-13-2004, 02:13 PM   #12
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IBdeepthroat?
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Old 02-13-2004, 02:17 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally posted by vibecity
no, it's about not vocalizing your expectations.

basic communication. relationships are almost like ordering your food at a restaurant. if you want fries, ask for fries. don't expect your server to read your mind. if you want sauce on the side, ask for it.

You are failing to look deeper I think. I like to think of this in a research context. What are the independent and dependent variables? In other words, a lack of communication and other problems associated with relationship problems is dependent upon another variable, ie. selfishness.

I see everyone pointing out the effects of one being selfish.
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Old 02-13-2004, 02:20 PM   #14
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If you aren't selfish a little bit, then you become a push-over for the more selfish person in any relationship (be it friends, lovers, etc.).
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Old 02-13-2004, 02:21 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by well_armed
I see everyone pointing out the effects of one being selfish.
Really? Being too scared to communicate one's feelings is being selfish? Huh.. That's news to me. Please elaborate on how that is selfish.
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Old 02-13-2004, 02:25 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally posted by aod
Really? Being too scared to communicate one's feelings is being selfish? Huh.. That's news to me. Please elaborate on how that is selfish.
You being too scared to communicate your feelings to your partner is selfish. In other words, you are only thinking of yourself because if you truly cared about this person you would nut up and do it. You are choosing to passive because it serves you better, and deflects a confrontation to later in the relationship that should be addressed now.
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Old 02-13-2004, 02:26 PM   #17
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Some people are simply too stupid to communicate. There's nothing selfish or malevolent, they just don't know any better.
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Old 02-13-2004, 02:28 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally posted by well_armed
You being too scared to communicate your feelings to your partner is selfish. In other words, you are only thinking of yourself because if you truly cared about this person you would nut up and do it. You are choosing to passive because it serves you better, and deflects a confrontation to later in the relationship that should be addressed now.
You're talking about a conscious decision to withold information - that's only one component of "not communicating". Some people are taught from the time they were little babies to clam up, keep to yourself, etc. - it doesn't occur to them that they're not communicating, they're just being themselves.
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Old 02-13-2004, 02:31 PM   #19
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Default

Quote:
Originally posted by well_armed
You being too scared to communicate your feelings to your partner is selfish. In other words, you are only thinking of yourself because if you truly cared about this person you would nut up and do it. You are choosing to passive because it serves you better, and deflects a confrontation to later in the relationship that should be addressed now.
What about people who are too afraid to communicate because they are afraid of hurting the other person's feelings? Wouldn't that be the exact opposite of selfish (IE: selfless)?
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Old 02-13-2004, 02:32 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally posted by Idjiit
Some people are simply too stupid to communicate. There's nothing selfish or malevolent, they just don't know any better.
I disagree.

If you are too stupid to communicate, it is because you havent taken the time to research and educate yourself how to effectively communicate with that someone.

Being stupid or ignorant is not an excuse. People choose to be this way=Selfishness
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Old 02-13-2004, 02:35 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally posted by aod
What about people who are too afraid to communicate because they are afraid of hurting the other person's feelings? Wouldn't that be the exact opposite of selfish (IE: selfless)?
Being too afraid to hurt someone's feelings is selfish.
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Old 02-13-2004, 02:36 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally posted by Idjiit
You're talking about a conscious decision to withold information - that's only one component of "not communicating". Some people are taught from the time they were little babies to clam up, keep to yourself, etc. - it doesn't occur to them that they're not communicating, they're just being themselves.
Ignorance is no excuse in my book
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Old 02-13-2004, 02:37 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally posted by well_armed
Being too afraid to hurt someone's eels is shellfish.
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Old 02-13-2004, 02:38 PM   #24
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Old 02-13-2004, 02:39 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally posted by well_armed
Ignorance is no excuse in my book
Quote:
Originally posted by well_armed
Being too afraid to hurt someone's feelings is selfish.
Quote:
Originally posted by well_armed
I disagree.

If you are too stupid to communicate, it is because you havent taken the time to research and educate yourself how to effectively communicate with that someone.

Being stupid or ignorant is not an excuse. People choose to be this way=Selfishness
Wow, this is the lamest thread I've ever participated in.
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