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Old 07-06-2005, 11:06 PM   #1
RaceCarRiot
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Join Date: May 2001
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1997 Ver IV
silver

OMGHi2U Lock up your daughters small town America, the new Eminem has arrived...

A friend just emailed me this link. Warning for NWS language. *snort* *giggle*

And he's a self-proclaimed musical prodigy! This is too funny. Review to follow.

IBsomeOTtersaysit'sgood
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Last edited by RaceCarRiot; 07-06-2005 at 11:15 PM. Reason: link should work now...
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Old 07-06-2005, 11:20 PM   #2
Handsdown
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Location: seattle
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you should be shot for posting this


i'm embarrassed to live in oregon now.
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Old 07-06-2005, 11:22 PM   #3
Jaxx
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The 93 W/EJ20K-sold
Subaru-less :(

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heh he named his car lindsey
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Old 07-06-2005, 11:24 PM   #4
thesmokingman
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaxx
heh he named his car lindsey
Seriously. Lindsey? Is this guy ghey or what?
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Old 07-06-2005, 11:30 PM   #5
RaceCarRiot
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silver

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Now for my best disgruntled buddyhead.com writer impression (yes, I tortured myself by listening to this for 10 minutes):

Besides the fact that the guy's name looks like the word "heiney" (you know, the place where **** comes from?) the most delicious moment of irony has to be this:

Sounds Like: I hate puting anything in here because arent we trying to NOT sound like anyone else???

Is that a question or statement of intent with improper punctuation? Remember the infamous Vanilla Ice "our track goes dun dun duh duh duh duh duh *TING!*" interview from back in the day when he was accused of stealing the melody from Under Pressure? On the imaginatively titled Intro, Heine proceeds to take us on a musical journey that shamelessly cops the guitar riff and drum track from N.E.R.D.'s Lapdance with few differences, and then adds the magic that only an over-priviledged white kid from Clackamas, Oregon can to hip-hop.

Jason wastes no time injecting a healthy dose of street braggadocio into his rhymes (undoubtedly a survival mechanism developed from growing up on the mean streets of Clackamas), with lines boasting "I got this gift with music/I know that/And I plan to do what I got/to do/As I bring you back/Never knew a guy like I could write these funky lines?" No we didn't. THIS guy should have coined the phrase "shock and awe."

Never Know kicks off with a beat and melody that sounds like Weird Al channeling 2Pac through a thrift store Casio after an Absinthe bender the night before. Heine then proceeds to give us his high school talent show best, acknowledges his non-existent back-up "band" before the verse kicks in, and then proclaims that we shouldn't **** with him. Like all the most talented lyricists of the last millenium, Heine's 4-letter word punctuated lyrics strike strike with deadly accuracy, raising the collective blood pressure of middle American WASPs and possibly th elderly. His enlightening street poetry reads like a page out of Dylan Klebold's diary. Oh, and it would be a crime to miss the KILLER guitar solo at the end. Did Jason mention he plays ALL the instruments and was a child prodigy? Page? Hendrix? Clapton? All hacks, I tell you. This guy is the real deal.

But even with all his seething rage stemming from important global issues, such as people trying to **** with him apparently, Jason still knows how to kick out the slow jams. Ladies, listen to the sensual sex bomb that is Funny Situation and tell me you're not gonna see this kid on Austin City Limits crooning with Barry White in 10 years.

Through the Night is an inspirational number where Heine comfortingly reassures us with lyrics like, "Live your life and keep it true/Do whatever's best for you/Keep your chin up to the blue/'Cause they'll come back and **** with you!" Nothing screams "talent" like being able to carry on the exact same rhyming couplet for four lines. The cats over at Def Jux have to be ****ting themselves right now in fear of this guy.

Jesus ****ing Tapdancing Christ.

This is what happens when pirated copies of Pro Tools fall into the wrong hands. But as Jason's biographer assures us in his profile in case we had any doubts, "His productions surpass what most people professionally have done." Now I know what really killed John Peel.

God, it felt good to dust off the editorial Ginsu.

...now someone on myspace needs to email him the link to this thread. If he's not already on here as panache or something.

Last edited by RaceCarRiot; 07-06-2005 at 11:36 PM.
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Old 07-07-2005, 07:38 AM   #6
garie
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hahahah im listening to it now....hahhaahahaha
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Old 07-07-2005, 07:46 AM   #7
CyC
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2006 Saabaru
Black

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oh snap if only dr. dre made his beats forget platinum, this kid would go double uranium
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Old 07-07-2005, 07:55 AM   #8
OriginalSin
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reminds me of weird al, except more swearing
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Old 07-07-2005, 08:04 AM   #9
sidewayz
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2001 S366 2.5RS

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the big question is... why is your friend searching for homos like that??
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Old 07-07-2005, 08:15 AM   #10
Hailwood
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2016 VW GTI
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RaceCarRiot
Never Know kicks off with a beat and melody that sounds like Weird Al channeling 2Pac through a thrift store Casio after an Absinthe bender the night before.
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Old 07-07-2005, 08:41 AM   #11
Trip McNealy
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2009 Daytona 675

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i like the new Em video, "Ass like that" with the muppets
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Old 07-07-2005, 08:46 AM   #12
RaceCarRiot
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sidewayz
the big question is... why is your friend searching for homos like that??
He's the world's biggest hater because his last name is "Belcher." He seems to take it upon himself to kick down anyone who even remotely looks like they should be kicked.

Maybe i should get him to sign up for OT.
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Old 07-07-2005, 09:15 AM   #13
Ravanux
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AR

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hey guy just wanna say thx for the add.
it is great and sympathetic from u.
i also like what i read on your profile page.
charming and attractive!
see ya soon
hit me with a comment

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Old 07-07-2005, 11:13 AM   #14
Beginner_Man
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i love how he refers himself to the third-person, then switches back to first-person in the end
hahah
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Old 07-07-2005, 11:22 AM   #15
Starscream
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..:
F-15 Eagle ..:

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*WHITE AMERICA* lol
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Old 07-07-2005, 01:48 PM   #16
Calebz
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RaceCarRiot
If he's not already on here as panache or something.

Elan/Ravanux
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Old 07-07-2005, 01:53 PM   #17
SubieDoobie
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Proud example of what gene splicing can accomplish:
Eminem + Timberlake = a waste of gray matter
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Old 07-07-2005, 02:24 PM   #18
RaceCarRiot
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silver

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well that goes without saying.

**** in, **** out.
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Old 07-07-2005, 03:46 PM   #19
Ravanux
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Calebz
Elan/Ravanux
I liked this better
Quote:
Originally Posted by Calebz
Elan/Raveneaux
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Old 07-07-2005, 05:08 PM   #20
StopSweatinMe
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Nautical Blue

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Hey thanks for the link man!

Go **** yourself
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