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10-06-2000, 05:36 AM | #1 |
Floresbian
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OT: Friday Humor
Ok folks I thought you would get a kick out of these. Now mind you all these are true stories.
The last one is the best I have ever heard. 1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership." He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence. 2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS! Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting "Please come out and give yourself up". 3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts. 4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him. 5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "that's not what I said!" 6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?? A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!" 7. NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER!! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. ( hellllllloooooooooo !) 8. THE GRAND FINALE This is a true story! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks new to boating were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22-ft. Bayliner to perform. wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted over to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. REMEMBER, THIS IS TRUE..... Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer..
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10-06-2000, 05:43 AM | #2 |
Scooby Specialist
Member#: 2239
Join Date: Aug 2000
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Location: Suckville, FL - Land of Suck
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ROFLMAO
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10-06-2000, 07:26 AM | #3 |
Scooby Specialist
Member#: 1867
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: New Jersey
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LOLOL...I always liked the one about the guy who's robbing a bank. So he goes up to a teller, and so as not to make a fuss he slips her a piece of paper that says, "This is a holdup, give me all the money." and he passes her a bag. After making his getaway, and the police arrive at the bank, they discover that the robber wrote the holdup note on personal stationary. 15 minutes later they were at his house arresting him. :-)
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10-06-2000, 07:28 AM | #4 |
Scooby Specialist
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LOL LOL LOL hahaha
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10-06-2000, 07:33 AM | #5 |
Scooby Specialist
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#5 kicks ass....hahahaha
what a moron.. |
10-06-2000, 07:39 AM | #6 |
Scooby Specialist
Member#: 2876
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: South San Francisco, CA.
Vehicle:99 Impreza Rally Blue Pearl |
bahaha
yeah, moron... reminds me of subepwr bahahaa |
10-06-2000, 07:49 AM | #7 |
The Godfather
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hehe... that helped make my day a little better.
-Nick |
10-06-2000, 07:52 AM | #8 |
GC84Ever
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10-06-2000, 08:05 AM | #9 |
Scooby Newbie
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Those are funny...
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10-06-2000, 08:20 AM | #10 |
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Two armed and masked men enter a video store and shouted to everyone "Nobody move or you're dead!"
Not a single person moved, obviously. No one wanted to die. Once both robbers saw that no one was moving, one of them started to walk towards the cash register - only to be shot dead by his nervous, trigger happy partner-in-crime. |
10-06-2000, 08:41 AM | #11 |
Scooby Specialist
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How about the one where a robber went to a bank in San Francisco. He wrote the demand note on a deposit slip, but thinking someone might have seen him, he decided to go to another bank. After waiting in line he gave the note to the teller, which read something to the effect of "this iz a stikup, giv mee al yur mony." The teller realized this guy wasn't to bright and told him that because the note was on a deposit slip for another bank, she could accept it. The man, feeling defeated, said OK, and went back to the origional bank. The police arrested him... as he was patiently waiting in line.
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10-06-2000, 01:31 PM | #12 |
Scooby Specialist
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Location: West Boemfugk, Egypt
Vehicle:2002 S4 Nogaro Blue |
.8 is the one I find the funniest. That is just retarded.
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10-07-2000, 12:32 AM | #13 |
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ROFLMAO I love #2... that is f**king hilarious! Definetly something that I'd try to pull off in the same situation (except without getting caught).
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10-07-2000, 12:42 AM | #14 |
Scooby Newbie
Member#: 1093
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Clinton Corners, NY
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You guys are way too funny!
Thanks for making me laugh. Mara |
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