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Old 10-13-2003, 05:13 PM   #1
FuzzyNips
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Default I just broke up with my girlfriend of 14 months, please help me! [serious]

Alright, I just broke up with my girlfriend of 14 months after she lied to me. She has done this before and I told her if she lied again then it would be over. My girlfriend is a cheerleader but she's very shy and quiet so she doesn't have a lot of friends or fit the stereotype of an average high school cheerleader. Besides for the things I'm about to tell you, our relationship has been full of the best times and she was everything I could have ever asked for. Last December she found a guy in her art class paying attention to her and talking to her (she has no guy friends) and she became interested in the kid even though he was a skater punk and completely ugly looking. She barely knew him yet we both came to the conclusion that she liked him because he was the only guy to ever pay attention to her at the school. She goes to high school and I use to go to high school but now I'm a freshman in college, 1.5 hours away from her. We only see each other on the weekends and its been quite an adjustment for both of us to make. Ironically, when I went to college she told me she was so worried because of all the new girls I was going to be around and how I might find someone else. I told her that she was a very beautiful girl and she might find someone else too. Well, evidently she now found this guy that has been staring at her in class and she's staring back at him. As she told me earlier today, he's as hot as me and she finds his eyes and smile really attractive. That already made me feel really bad inside because she has always complimented me on the way I look. I think I'm an average looking guy but that's beside the point. Well, as of last Wednesday she asked her mom what she should do and her mom told her to follow her heart. Her decision last week was whether or not she should stay with me or go for this guy who she has never spoken a word to nor has he said a word to her. Evidently "following her heart" meant deciding whether or not to throw away a 14 month relationship with someone she said she loved so much (me) for some guy she thought had good eyes and a smile but knows nothing about. I told her that since he knew she had a boyfriend, he definitely isn't too great a guy if he's still making gestures and smiling back and forth at her in class. Also, she's definitely worse off by giving him looks back when she knows she has a boyfriend. I feel like she didn't love me to begin with. Anyways, she has lied 3 times in the relationship, this is the second time about another guy giving her attention, and I told her if it happened again (her lying to me about anything major) that it would be over. Well I pushed that information out of her today myself over the phone when I knew something was wrong but she refused to tell me for the first hour or so. Finally 5 days after she told her mom about it, I get the truth about her maybe dumping me because of some other guy but only because I got the information out of her. She told me she didn't tell me because, "it never came up," and I told her that it's her responsibility to tell me things like this. I shouldn't be expected to ask her, "So did you find anyone new to replace me with today?!" Regardless, I did what I thought was right and broke up with her. She tells me that she still loves me and never stopped and the only reason she didn't tell me sooner was because she didn't want to hurt me. I explained to her that it hurts more getting lied to and just because you love someone and don't want to hurt them doesn't mean you can justify lying to them.

So, I know this weekend I'm going to go over there to talk about things and take some stuff from her house of mine that I left there when I would sleep over. She'll cry, tell me she loves me, and all that other stuff that a sad girl will do. I just feel like that the only 2 guys to come into her life besides for me have sparked her interest so how do I trust her yet again (like the 5th time in the relationship) that if 10 other guys come up into her life she isn't going to be attracted and leave me and the relationship for one of them? I really miss her already but definitely think I made the right decision, as does my roommate.

What I'm asking for her is opinions on whether what I did was right or not and if I should consider going back to her if she promises to straighten up her act. If I shouldn't get back with her, how should I go about getting over her. I don't drink or smoke or party like most college kids so I can't just get trashed and forget about her. There are no decent chicks at this school (I kid you not) but there are a few other girls that are interested in me but I just feel like right now I can't trust a woman if my life depended on it.
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Old 10-13-2003, 05:17 PM   #2
quentinberg007
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Default

in.............. das................. pooper.........



then tell her to have her skater boi, see you later, boy. something something...

~~Quentin

that's right suckas, i quoted avril lavigneiejrecanadajiews
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Old 10-13-2003, 05:18 PM   #3
AC Lerok
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of course she doesn't love you. she's 18, max. she doesn't love anyone. neither of you should. get over it, let her enjoy senior year without you spazzing that she stared back at some dude and you go have some fun and bang some college girls. you'll forget all about this epic by spring break.
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Old 10-13-2003, 05:19 PM   #4
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Default

Quote:
Originally posted by AC Lerok
of course she doesn't love you. she's 18, max. she doesn't love anyone. neither of you should. get over it, let her enjoy senior year without you spazzing that she stared back at some dude and you go have some fun and bang some college girls. you'll forget all about this epic by spring break.
BINGO
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Old 10-13-2003, 05:21 PM   #5
ColinL
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Default

cliffnotes:

he's a freshman in college, she's a senior in highschool. they are 90 minutes away but weren't smart enough to break up before. they are breaking up now because she is looking at other men.

____

response for you:

get over it. there will be other women. if you saw this coming you should've either been prepared or just broken up before anyone had a chance to do something like this.

you shouldn't be in a committed relationship at your age, you should be having fun. not necessarily being a whore-- but having fun. you can't have much fun with girls 90 minutes away.
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Old 10-13-2003, 05:22 PM   #6
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ok, serious reply.

things are going to change for you big time within the next 2 or 3 years. it is part of life. those who make it through college with their high school sweetheart either didn't live and learn about themselves in college or got really really really lucky and found someone really good for them in high school. i'd wager that most fall into the former catagory.

don't stress man. 14 months will seem like nothing shortly. trust me.

~~Quentin
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Old 10-13-2003, 05:23 PM   #7
Unabomber
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At your age, you should be treating women like fishing poles:
Yank em, crank em, and don't stay around to thank em.

Don't even consider anything serious until you are around 25.
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Old 10-13-2003, 05:24 PM   #8
LoriAngel
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You guys are too young.. enjoy college and life. Find out who you are and only then will you find someone that is worthy of you. She obviously just wants attention and you're not there to give it to her. Move on, and good luck in school.
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Old 10-13-2003, 05:25 PM   #9
Bottom Feeder
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Default Re: I just broke up with my girlfriend of 14 months, please help me! [serious]

Quote:
Originally posted by FuzzyNips
She told me she didn't tell me because, "it never came up," and I told her that it's her responsibility to tell me things like this. I shouldn't be expected to ask her, "So did you find anyone new to replace me with today?!"
Come on. You didn't know that that's how it works with women?

But seriously, I'm confused... you broke up with this girl simply because she (eventually) admitted to finding another guy attractive? It's not like she F'd him behind your back, right?
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Old 10-13-2003, 05:25 PM   #10
HekWRX
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Default

Quote:
Originally posted by AC Lerok
of course she doesn't love you. she's 18, max. she doesn't love anyone. neither of you should. get over it, let her enjoy senior year without you spazzing that she stared back at some dude and you go have some fun and bang some college girls. you'll forget all about this epic by spring break.
Fair bet she loves her self as most chicks her age do. Ditto on the rest mang! Your freshman year in college, you should be dating a different girl every week. When you a senior, settle down with a sophomore- that is what i did Get some of these

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Old 10-13-2003, 05:35 PM   #11
Jonn
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Quote:
Originally posted by quentinberg007
ok, serious reply.

things are going to change for you big time within the next 2 or 3 years. it is part of life. those who make it through college with their high school sweetheart either didn't live and learn about themselves in college or got really really really lucky and found someone really good for them in high school. i'd wager that most fall into the former catagory.

don't stress man. 14 months will seem like nothing shortly. trust me.

~~Quentin
Very true. I agree with all that's said above. I'm a Junior in college now and I realize I have nothing in common with the people from high school anymore. I mean, what am I supposed to say, "I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork, how have you been?"

No but uh.. you are too young. You did the right thing. You both have a LOT of maturing to do in the area of relationships (no offense).
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Old 10-13-2003, 05:40 PM   #12
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Dude if you can't handle your girlfriend looking at other guys, you aren't ready for a relationship.

JC
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Old 10-13-2003, 05:48 PM   #13
pjcoregon
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Default

Quote:
Originally posted by ColinL
cliffnotes:

he's a freshman in college, she's a senior in highschool. they are 90 minutes away but weren't smart enough to break up before. they are breaking up now because she is looking at other men.

____

My notes were slightly different... but almost the same...

he's a freshman in college without a lot of outside interests and and somewhat controlling in how he treats her... she's a senior in highschool and suddenly with the new found freedom did what many of us do... go to the total opposite of the last person they were with.... she decided she likes the new guy and the old guy decided that he should break up with her... even though it sounds like she already made that choice for him... now he's going to go pick up his really valuable belongings (that were not interesting enough to take to school) so that he can remind her what she is missing out on... or something like that... not sure what the serious help needed part is though...
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Old 10-13-2003, 05:51 PM   #14
micah
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Default

Quote:
I told her that since he knew she had a boyfriend, he definitely isn't too great a guy if he's still making gestures and smiling back and forth at her in class.
What? Why does that make him not too great a guy? She's your girlfriend, not him. He never even met you.

Just walk away.
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Old 10-13-2003, 05:54 PM   #15
JC
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Quote:
Originally posted by micah

What? Why does that make him not too great a guy? She's your girlfriend, not him. He never even met you.

Just walk away.
If they never talked to each other, how does he know she has a boyfriend?

JC
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Old 10-13-2003, 06:18 PM   #16
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Since I don't know you guys I don't really have the magic answer to solve it all. I wish I could. But the one thing I just want to add to this thread is that I don't agree that "they are too young" and all of that stuff. Maybe they are. But I don't think that just because people are 18 and in a relationship it can't be something serious and grown up. I guess everyone is different. I just think that it's possible to have a real relationship at that age. (Then again I'm a girl so I probably think differently about these sorts of things LOL).

But anyway, I'm really sorry about your loss and all I can say is give it time. I wish there was more to say, but that's about the most realistic way I've found to deal with this stuff myself.

-Becky
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Old 10-13-2003, 06:31 PM   #17
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Mmmm college chicks.
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Old 10-13-2003, 06:32 PM   #18
damn girl
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Quote:
Originally posted by ColinL
cliffnotes:

he's a freshman in college, she's a senior in highschool. they are 90 minutes away but weren't smart enough to break up before. they are breaking up now because she is looking at other men.

god bless you......






but ya I agree, MOVE ON!
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Old 10-13-2003, 06:36 PM   #19
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Fuzzynips...It sucks to break up with someone but it's actually for the best. Remember, "In the game of love, you must die once before you can truely live." In other words, you have to know what heartbreak is and what doens't work so that things will work out next time.

And so there we go...next time. Seeing as how you're in college, next time should be every week. It doesn't matter if you don't find any girl particulaly interesting. Date them anyhow. Dating and love is a numbers game. You will strike out many more times than you will score so the trick is to get as many opportunities at bat. Then you can find the one who's right for you.
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Old 10-13-2003, 06:41 PM   #20
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I love how people throw out the "get over hers" so easily. This is not simple situation. Dude, chances are you will continue to feel crappy for a bit. My advice is to try your best to not think about it all. Distract yourself by having a good time with your friends or maybe mod your car. Try to keep a clear head with all these thoughts not in it.
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Old 10-13-2003, 06:46 PM   #21
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If I was a FRESHMAN in COLLEGE, the last thing I would want to have is a HIGHSCHOOL girlfriend.
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Old 10-13-2003, 06:55 PM   #22
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if i were u i would keep bashin her, but not go back out iwth her. u wont ever be able to trust her like u did, and every guy that talks to her your going to be worried about. if she is like y aren't we official again be like, i think u should take some time off and find out what u really want, and if u like me u will forget about skater guy, then be like lets do it
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Old 10-13-2003, 06:59 PM   #23
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Women don't really grow up til they're like 27, so an 18-year-old girl doesn't have a clue what she wants out of life yet. Let it go.
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Old 10-13-2003, 06:59 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally posted by CBoldman
I love how people throw out the "get over hers" so easily. This is not simple situation. Dude, chances are you will continue to feel crappy for a bit. My advice is to try your best to not think about it all. Distract yourself by having a good time with your friends or maybe mod your car. Try to keep a clear head with all these thoughts not in it.
I love how people don't read the entire post:

Quote:
What I'm asking for her is opinions on whether what I did was right or not and if I should consider going back to her if she promises to straighten up her act?
He was asking for that kind of advice.. not how to make him feel better. you newbier
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Old 10-13-2003, 07:01 PM   #25
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Dude, i went through the same type of thing when i first started college, but the guy in question happened to be one of my good friends. Chicks get bored, and will do anything for a change. You did the right thing, cause now she'll be the one crawling, and you can keep your dignity. Don't talk to her for a few weeks. Don't take the bait when she tries to lure you with sex. Kill some kittens, open your eyes, and notice the hot new college chicks surrounding you. Make some good friends at school, and DON'T go home for the weekends. Date a few girls, and give them teh wang, but don't get a new GF. Also, find a chick you can talk to about your problems. All of this stuff will make things more clear.

TTIWWOP so people can photochop her
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