Welcome to the North American Subaru Impreza Owners Club Sunday November 23, 2014
Home Forums WikiNASIOC Products Store Modifications Upgrade Garage
Mid Atlantic Impreza Club
Mid Atlantic Impreza Club Forum sponsored by Annapolis Subaru
Here you can view your subscribed threads, work with private messages and edit your profile and preferences Home Registration is free! Visit the NASIOC Store NASIOC Rules Search Find other members Frequently Asked Questions Calendar Archive NASIOC Upgrade Garage Logout
Go Back   NASIOC > NASIOC Chapters > Mid Atlantic Impreza Club -- MAIC

Welcome to NASIOC - The world's largest online community for Subaru enthusiasts!
Welcome to the NASIOC.com Subaru forum.

You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our community, free of charge, you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is free, fast and simple, so please join our community today!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us.
* Registered users of the site do not see these ads.
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-18-2006, 02:43 PM   #1
wrx poser
Scooby Specialist
 
Member#: 94221
Join Date: Aug 2005
Chapter/Region: MAIC
Location: Geico Drive in/Chesapeake, VA
Vehicle:
2005 Impreza 2.5 RS
Silver

Default Nobody makes me bleed my own blood

No one can resist White Goodman when he puts on his shiny shoes

* Registered users of the site do not see these ads.
wrx poser is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2006, 02:44 PM   #2
tairese
Scooby Specialist
 
Member#: 103385
Join Date: Dec 2005
Chapter/Region: MAIC
Location: American Legion Bridge
Vehicle:
2005 WRX CGM
Cobb Stg negative 15

Default

Also a Simpsons quote?
tairese is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2006, 02:49 PM   #3
Jard
In the silly seat
Moderator
 
Member#: 34935
Join Date: Apr 2003
Chapter/Region: MAIC
Location: Silver Spring, MD
Vehicle:
SPB- 2013 Smugmobile
and DADCORE

Default

no more movie quote threads
Jard is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2006, 02:50 PM   #4
lotusdrift
Scooby Specialist
 
Member#: 24308
Join Date: Sep 2002
Chapter/Region: MAIC
Location: HR
Vehicle:
Oh, **** it
I'm gonna have a party

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jard
no more movie quote threads
12345
lotusdrift is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2006, 02:51 PM   #5
Jard
In the silly seat
Moderator
 
Member#: 34935
Join Date: Apr 2003
Chapter/Region: MAIC
Location: Silver Spring, MD
Vehicle:
SPB- 2013 Smugmobile
and DADCORE

Default

merge them all!
Jard is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2006, 02:51 PM   #6
VipersEatLotus
Scooby Guru
 
Member#: 21007
Join Date: Jul 2002
Chapter/Region: NESIC
Location: South Shore, MA
Default

Memorable Quotes from
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)
Patches O'Houlihan: If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
Justin: What?
[Patches throws a wrench and hits Justin in the face]
Patches O'Houlihan: If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball.
Amber: Justin! I love you!
Justin: I lov...
White Goodman: [hits Justin in the face with a Dodgeball] Joanie loves Chachi!
White Goodman: Go ahead, make your jokes, Mr. Jokey... Joke-maker. But let me hit you with some knowledge. Quit now. Save yourself the embarrassment of losing with these losers in Las Vegas, La Fleur.
Peter La Fleur: Alliteration aside, I'll take my chances in the tournament.
White Goodman: Yeah, you will take your chances.
Peter La Fleur: I know. I just said that.
White Goodman: I know you just said that.
Peter La Fleur: Okay, I'm not sure where you're going with this.
White Goodman: Well, I'm not sure where *you're* going with this.
Peter La Fleur: That's what I said.
White Goodman: That's what I'm saying to *you.*
Peter La Fleur: All right.
White Goodman: ...TouchÈ.
White Goodman: Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. NOBODY.
Peter La Fleur: Come on, Kate. It's time to put your mouth where our balls are.
Lance Armstrong: Hey, aren't you Peter La Fleur?
Peter La Fleur: Lance Armstrong!
Lance Armstrong: Ya, that's me. But I'm a big fan of yours.
Peter La Fleur: Really?
Lance Armstrong: Ya, I've been watching the dodgeball tournament on the Ocho. ESPN 8. I just can't get enough of it. Good luck in the tournament. I'm really pulling for you against those jerks from Globo Gym. I think you better hurry up or you're gonna be late.
Peter La Fleur: Uh, actually I decided to quit... Lance.
Lance Armstrong: Quit? You know, once I was thinking of quitting when I was diagnosed with brain, lung and testicular cancer all at the same time. But with the love and support of my friends and family, I got back on the bike and won the Tour de France five times in a row. But I'm sure you have a good reason to quit. So what are you dying of that's keeping you from the finals?
Peter La Fleur: Right now it feels a little bit like... shame.
Lance Armstrong: Well, I guess if a person never quit when the going got tough, they wouldn't anything to regret for the rest of their life. Well good luck to you Peter. I'm sure this decision won't haunt you forever.
White Goodman: We are better then you... and we know it!
Patches O'Houlihan: I 'aint crazy and I 'aint a guy.
Steve the Pirate: I'm gonna send you all to hell!
White Goodman: In thirty days I'll be bulldozing that ****-heap you call a gym into permanent nothingness. And I can only hope that you, and the mongrel race that comprise your membership, are inside it when I do.
White Goodman: Prepare to be humiliated on cable television!
Steve the Pirate: The dread pirate Steve be in no man's debt. I'll make a barter with ya; true as the north star. In exchange for your kindness, I'll be sharing me buried treasure with ya... once I find it, that be.
Kate Veatch: [Peter sees her house for the first time] I like... unicorns.
Peter La Fleur: [after Patches hits Justin in the face with a wrench] Yeah, uh, Patches... are you sure that this is completely necessary?
Patches O'Houlihan: Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine?
Peter La Fleur: Probably not.
Patches O'Houlihan: No, but I do it anyway because it's sterile and I like the taste.
Peter La Fleur: ...Okay.
Owen: [after Patches O'Houlihan has been killed] Look on the bright side, at least we've still got Peter!
Dwight: Yeah, but Globo Gym's got guys named Laser, and Blazer, and Tazer, and all kinds of "azer's"! Without Patches, we're going to get our taints handed to us, that's what!
Justin: [Whispers to Gordon] What's a taint?
Gordon: I don't know, but it sounds *bad*!
White Goodman: I know you. You know you. And I know you know that I know you.
White Goodman: [about Average Joe's] Oh, really, you like it over there with those freaks in Losertown?
Kate Veatch: Freaks? They're not freaks, they're people just like you and me.
White Goodman: People, haha, people just like you and me! That is what I love about you Kate! You've got a *personality*!
Kate Veatch: [outside Kate's house] White? What are you doing here? How do you know where I live?
White Goodman: It's called the Freedom of Information Act, Kate. The hippies finally got something right! Ha-ha! Just kidding. But not really.
Dwight: We're still missing the teenage love puppy and Steve the Pirate.
Owen: Who's Steve the Pirate?
Dwight: The only guy on our team that dresses like a pirate!
Owen: Wait, there's a guy on our team who dresses like a pirate?
White Goodman: Stick it in your ear, La Fleur. I wouldn't sell you your gym back for all of King Midas' silver. The gym is mine! So you can take your band of yellow-bellied losers and just crawl on outta here!
Peter La Fleur: You're right, White. I can't make you sell back my gym, so I'll just take your advice and invest in something. Say... the controlling stake of Globo Gym.
White Goodman: That's preposterous! I'd never allow it.
Kate Veatch: Globo Gym is a publicly-traded company, there's nothing you can do about it.
Peter La Fleur: So, I would control Globo Gym and... everything that Globo Gym owns. Which as of last night is Average Joe's Gym!
[Average Joe's Team cheering]
Peter La Fleur: I'm your new boss, White.
White Goodman: You can't be my boss! Nobody's my boss! I'm my own boss! I created myself!
Peter La Fleur: You're fired, pal.
Gordon: Hey, Honey!
[his wife gives the "L" sign]
Gordon: "L" for love! Good times.
Dwight: "L" for love? That doesn't mean love, Gordon...
Peter La Fleur: No, it's... people have different translations for different things and that's a special bond that you have with uh... with your mail-order wife. I think that's nice. It's fine.
[the Average Joes are dressed in S&M leather]
Audience Member: Hey, *******! You guys suck!
White Goodman: [the judges vote to let Average Joe's play] That is pure poppycock!
[while everyone is doing the shuttle run]
Patches O'Houlihan: Come on! I get better runs in my shorts!
Dwight: Bad morning boss?
Peter La Fleur: They usually follow good nights, Dwight.
White Goodman: This is it, La 'Loser.' You ready for the, whoo, hurricane?
Peter La Fleur: Just don't go cryin' to your mommy when I spank you in front of all these people, White.
White Goodman: You don't go cryin' to your daddy after I wipe it up with your face.
Peter La Fleur: Oh, hey White.
White Goodman: Yeah?
Peter La Fleur: You look awful fat in those pants.
Peter La Fleur: Anyone? Top of your head. What's 50 times $100,000?
Owen: $50,000?
Kate Veatch: $5 million! Peter, are you kidding me?
Peter La Fleur: [opens the treasure chest, revealing stacks of cash] Surprise!
Kate Veatch: For instance, do you realize you haven't collected any membership fees in 13 months?
Peter La Fleur: Hmmm...
Kate Veatch: I'm curious, is it strictly apathy, or do you really not have a goal in life?
Peter La Fleur: I found that if you have a goal, that you might not reach it. But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed. And I gotta tell ya... it feels phenomenal.
Kate Veatch: Well I guess that makes sense, in a really sad way.
Peter La Fleur: Sad? You want to know what's sad? Six grown men playing dodgeball.
White Goodman: Your "gym" is a skidmark on the underpants of society.
White Goodman: Oh, hello, Kate. I wasn't aware I was paying you to "socialize".
Kate Veatch: You're not. I'm off the clock.
White Goodman: Well, isn't that convenient for you? And the clock.
Young Patches O'Houlihan: Dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion, and degradation.
Patches O'Houlihan: [giving the pre-match pep talk] And will someone catch a goddamn ball? It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob out there!
Dodgeball Chancellor: Captains, shake hands. Let's have a clean match.
Peter La Fleur: [holds out his hand] Good luck, White.
White Goodman: [reaches to take it, then pulls a psych] Cram it up your cramhole, La Fleur!
[last lines]
White Goodman: You happy? Fatty make a funny?
[White reaches out to kiss Kate]
White Goodman: To be continued...
[She twists his arm and slams his face into the wall]
Kate Veatch: You don't get to touch me, ever!
Patches O'Houlihan: If you're going to become true dodgeballers, then you've got to learn the five d's of dodgeball: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge!
White Goodman: And they love you. Whoo, do they love you. You're their Fonzie, Pete. "Heeeeey." Right?
White Goodman: This doesn't concern you, La Fleur.
Peter La Fleur: Not nearly as much as your hair does.
Peter La Fleur: Hey, White. I didn't think that Nazi camp got out until eight. Did you decide to skip arts and crafts?
White Goodman: Yes, I did.
Cotton McKnight: And the Average Joe's beat the Germans in a *shocking* upset.
Pepper Brooks: I feel *shocked*.
Peter La Fleur: You're adopted! Your parents don't even love you!
From trailer: Victory. Honor. Pride. All these mean nothing... if you don't have balls.
White Goodman: We can help you turn that Frankenstein you see in the mirror every day, into a Franken-fine!
White Goodman: Globo Gym employs a highly trained, quasi-cultural staff of personal alteration specialists.
White Goodman: I'm here to tell you that you don't have to be stuck with what you've got.
Patches O'Houlihan: My sweet dick, it's magic!
VipersEatLotus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2006, 02:52 PM   #7
wrx poser
Scooby Specialist
 
Member#: 94221
Join Date: Aug 2005
Chapter/Region: MAIC
Location: Geico Drive in/Chesapeake, VA
Vehicle:
2005 Impreza 2.5 RS
Silver

Default

why? everyone input their favorite parts......It's all in good fun
wrx poser is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2006, 02:52 PM   #8
VipersEatLotus
Scooby Guru
 
Member#: 21007
Join Date: Jul 2002
Chapter/Region: NESIC
Location: South Shore, MA
Default

otton McKnight: I'm being told that Average Joe's does not have enough players and will be forfeiting the championship match.
Pepper Brooks: It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for 'em.
Cotton McKnight: In 23 years of broadcasting I thought I'd seen it all, folks. But it looks like Peter La Fleur has actually blindfolded himself.
Pepper Brooks: He will not be able to see very well, Cotton.
[after sudden death is announced]
Cotton McKnight: Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to witness the greatest happening in sport: sudden-death dodgeball.
Pepper Brooks: Pepper needs new shorts!
White Goodman: Donde esta la biblioteca, Pedro?
Peter La Fleur: White?
White Goodman: We're opening a new Globo Gym in Mexico City, so I've been boning up on my Spanish.
White Goodman: Here at Globo Gym we're better than you, and we know it.
Peter La Fleur: Look, White, I know that we've had our differences in the past...
White Goodman: Differences? Is that what you call sleeping with three of my female trainers?
Peter La Fleur: That was one night.
White Goodman: Or what about that strip-o-gram you sent me for the Globo Gym one year anniversary?
Peter La Fleur: The stripper was meant to be congratulatory.
White Goodman: It was also a man!
Peter La Fleur: Too bad Hallmark doesn't make a "Sorry your dodgeball coach got killed by two tons of irony" card.
White Goodman: We should mate.
Kate Veatch: What?
White Goodman: Date! We should date some time. Socially. Go out and kick it.
[Kate retches, then forces it down]
White Goodman: Are you okay?
Kate Veatch: I'm fine. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
White Goodman: In some cultures, they only eat vomit. I never been there, but I read about it... *in a book*.
Peter La Fleur: Thank you, Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris: Thank *you*, Peter.
White Goodman: Suck failure, freaks.
Steve the Pirate: Steve's gotta go drain the sea-monster.
White Goodman: [a hyper-obese White watches the commercial for Average Joe's before turning off the TV in disgust] Spare me... I won that tournament... ****in' Chuck Norris!
Peter La Fleur: You had me at blood and semen.
Dwight: We could sell blood and semen.
[everyone gives him a strange look]
Dwight: What? Not mixed together.
Cotton McKnight: Looks like it's gonna be a two-on-one, a mÈnage ? trois of pain.
Pepper Brooks: Usually you pay double for that kind of action, Cotton.
Kate Veatch: That... is a really interesting painting.
White Goodman: Thank you. Yeah, that's me, taking the bull by the horns. It's how I handle business. It's a metaphor.
Kate Veatch: I get it.
White Goodman: But that actually happened, though.
White Goodman: There's no reason we need to be shackled by the strictures of the employee-employer relationship. Unless you're into that sort of thing. In which case, I got some shackles in the back. I'm just kidding. But seriously, I've got 'em.
Cotton McKnight: It's time to separate the wheat from the chaff, the men from the boys, the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian.
Peter La Fleur: Hang on a second. You wanna become a cheerleader to prove you are not a loser?
Justin: Yeah. Why?
Peter La Fleur: Nothing. High school's changed a bit since I was a kid.
Cotton McKnight: It looks like the clock is about to strike midnight on this Cinderella story, turning Average Joe's into the proverbial pumpkin.
Pepper Brooks: I sure do like pumpkins, Cotton.
Dwight: [as Kate kisses Joyce] I told you she was a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur: Wow. Good call.
Kate Veatch: Hey! I'm not a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur: You're not?
Kate Veatch: No. I'm bisexual.
[kisses Peter]
Dwight: Oh! Snap!
Justin: This place is too important to us! Gordon, where do you go when your wife changes the locks?
Gordon: Average Joe's.
Justin: Right! Dwight, Owen, what are you going to do if Average Joe's closes? You gonna work at the airport again?
Dwight: Say what? I ain't working at no airport!
Justin: No, 'cause you hated it! Steve! Where is it you go to do... whatever it is that you do?
Steve the Pirate: Garrr! Joe's be the only place for Steve!
Justin: This place is too important to us! Gordon, where do you go when your wife changes the locks?
Patches O'Houlihan: [about Gorden geting angry] Go you crazy son of a bitch GO!
Patches O'Houlihan: Those men and that muff-diver believe in you.
Pepper Brooks: Effin' A, Cotton, Effin' A!
[Kate decapitates White Goodman's cardboard stand-up with a well-aimed dodgeball. Everyone stares at her]
Kate Veatch: What? Eight years of softball.
Dwight: Man, she gotta be a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur: She is *not* a lesbian.
Patches O'Houlihan: All I know is, that dyke can play!
Fran: You are the one that stares at me. Why is this?
Owen: [even though Fran is a tough, scary, Slavic woman] Because you are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Cotton McKnight: Let me tell you, a double-fault final-play elimination hasn't occurred since the Helsinki episode of 1919, and I think we all remember how THAT turned out!
White Goodman: Allow me the pleasure of introducing you to Blade... Laser... Blazer...
Kate Veatch: Are you reading the dictionary?
White Goodman: Oh, you caught me. I like to break a mental sweat too.
Cotton McKnight: Las Vegas. A city built of hot sand, broken dreams and $5 lobster. A city where you can get a happy ending, if you pay a little extra. A city home to a sporting event greater than the World Cup, World Series and World War II combined.
Peter La Fleur: You really think you can come in here and buy me out, White, you're a lot dumber than I thought.
White Goodman: Oh, I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you think that I thought I was once.
White Goodman: I'm white. I'm white. W-H-I-T... E.
White Goodman: You're going down like a sweet muffin!
White Goodman: At Globo Gym we understand that "ugliness" and "fatness" are genetic disorders, much like baldness or necrophilia, and it's only your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it.
Patches O'Houlihan: If you want to have dodgeball victory, you have to grab it by its haunches and you gotta hump it into submission!
White Goodman: Well, that's it. Good guy wins. Bad guy loses. Big freakin' surprise. That's the problem with the American cinema: Can't handle any complexity. "Whoa! Don't make me think!"
White Goodman: We ARE the Globo Gym Purple Cobras... and we will, we will, rock you!
[the whole team slaps their thighs, then rears up and hisses loudly]
Voice on phone: This is Seth from Videorama. The following DVDs are now overdue: "Drunken Hussies 3", "Backdoor Patrol 5" and "Bona Lisa Smile". Thank you.
Cotton McKnight: Average Joe's has a tough job, facing the Lumberjacks. These woodsmen probably haven't even smelled a woman in eight months.
Pepper Brooks: They must masturbate a lot, Cotton.
Peter La Fleur: You must be "Daddy"...
Peter La Fleur: There's someone out there for everybody.
Owen: You think?
Peter La Fleur: Absolutely. In some cases, there's two somebodies for one person. I like to call that "the jackpot".
Kate Veatch: I'm not a banker, I'm a lawyer.
Peter La Fleur: Really? What kind of law are you involved in, pretty eyes?
Kate Veatch: Sexual harassment, mostly.
White Goodman: Last I heard, my gym makes money. Yours doesn't. My gym's worth over $4 million. Your gym isn't worth four. I have shareholders. You haven't even got cup holders.
White Goodman: Do you smell that fitness? I do.
Patches O'Houlihan: I love the smell of queef in the morning.
Owen: I'm gonna catch up with you guys later. I'm gonna have a bathroom... go to the drink... in the bathroom.
Dwight: Whatever you do, wash your hands.
Cotton McKnight: We haven't seen Average Joe's yet. They haven't made it to the court. It could be a psychological ploy, or something worse.
Pepper Brooks: They're definitely not on the court, Cotton. Their absence is noticeable.
Cotton McKnight: Do you believe in unlikelihoods? Average Joe's shocking the dodgeball world and upsetting Globo Gym in the championship match!
Pepper Brooks: Unbelievable!
Cotton McKnight: Ladies and gentlemen, I have been to the Great Wall of China, I have seen the Pyramids of Egypt, I've even witnessed a grown man satisfy a camel. But never in all my years as a sportscaster have I witnessed something as improbable, as impossible, as what we've witnessed here today!
Cotton McKnight: Oh! Right in the testicles!
Pepper Brooks: Ouchtown, population you, bro!
Steve the Pirate: Yarr, I be the dread pirate Steve!
Peter La Fleur: Don't worry so much about this Amber situation. It'll all work itself out in the end.
Justin: Thanks, Pete.
Peter La Fleur: You'll laugh at this one day. I'm laughing already.
White Goodman: Meet Fran Stalinofskivitchdavitovichsky. In her home country of Romanovia, dodgeball is the national sport and her nuclear power plant's team won the championship five years running, which makes her the deadliest woman on earth with a dodgeball. Ball me, Blazer.
[Blazer passes him a dodgeball]
White Goodman: Show them, Fran.
[Fran takes the ball and hurls it at a man on the other side of the bar, knocking him into the jukebox. He drops to the floor, limp]
White Goodman: And that's just her change-up. End of demo. We are the Globo Gym Purple Cobras, and we will, we will, rock you!
Justin: [frightened whisper] I think that guy might really be dead.
German Coach: [shouting in German] You are all swine! You have brought shame to your houses! Losers!
Patches O'Houlihan: You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat!
Fran: I am in extreme state of arousal. Please to make sex all over my face.
Fran: Please to do it again... from the backside.
Peter La Fleur: Well, if you can't raise fifty-thousand dollars with an impromptu carwash, I guess it jus wasn't in the cards.
Pepper Brooks: Good toss by the submissive out there!
Patches O'Houlihan: I've got some hookers in my room. What do you say we go celebrate? My treat.
Peter La Fleur: No, thanks I'll just stick with the scarf, but thank you.
Patches O'Houlihan: Suit yourself, queer.
[Patches turns and drives off]
Patches O'Houlihan: Tomorrow, we're gonna pecker-slap those Globo-Gym bastards!
Patches O'Houlihan: Son, you're about as useful as a doodie flavored lollipop.
VipersEatLotus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2006, 02:52 PM   #9
VipersEatLotus
Scooby Guru
 
Member#: 21007
Join Date: Jul 2002
Chapter/Region: NESIC
Location: South Shore, MA
Default

there i beat eveyone to all the possible funny quotes from that movie so there is nothing left to post.

/thread
VipersEatLotus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2006, 02:52 PM   #10
MidnightSti05
Scooby Newbie
 
Member#: 74064
Join Date: Nov 2004
Chapter/Region: MAIC
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by VipersEatLotus
Memorable Quotes from
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)
Patches O'Houlihan: If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
Justin: What?
[Patches throws a wrench and hits Justin in the face]
Patches O'Houlihan: If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball.
Amber: Justin! I love you!
Justin: I lov...
White Goodman: [hits Justin in the face with a Dodgeball] Joanie loves Chachi!
White Goodman: Go ahead, make your jokes, Mr. Jokey... Joke-maker. But let me hit you with some knowledge. Quit now. Save yourself the embarrassment of losing with these losers in Las Vegas, La Fleur.
Peter La Fleur: Alliteration aside, I'll take my chances in the tournament.
White Goodman: Yeah, you will take your chances.
Peter La Fleur: I know. I just said that.
White Goodman: I know you just said that.
Peter La Fleur: Okay, I'm not sure where you're going with this.
White Goodman: Well, I'm not sure where *you're* going with this.
Peter La Fleur: That's what I said.
White Goodman: That's what I'm saying to *you.*
Peter La Fleur: All right.
White Goodman: ...TouchÈ.
White Goodman: Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. NOBODY.
Peter La Fleur: Come on, Kate. It's time to put your mouth where our balls are.
Lance Armstrong: Hey, aren't you Peter La Fleur?
Peter La Fleur: Lance Armstrong!
Lance Armstrong: Ya, that's me. But I'm a big fan of yours.
Peter La Fleur: Really?
Lance Armstrong: Ya, I've been watching the dodgeball tournament on the Ocho. ESPN 8. I just can't get enough of it. Good luck in the tournament. I'm really pulling for you against those jerks from Globo Gym. I think you better hurry up or you're gonna be late.
Peter La Fleur: Uh, actually I decided to quit... Lance.
Lance Armstrong: Quit? You know, once I was thinking of quitting when I was diagnosed with brain, lung and testicular cancer all at the same time. But with the love and support of my friends and family, I got back on the bike and won the Tour de France five times in a row. But I'm sure you have a good reason to quit. So what are you dying of that's keeping you from the finals?
Peter La Fleur: Right now it feels a little bit like... shame.
Lance Armstrong: Well, I guess if a person never quit when the going got tough, they wouldn't anything to regret for the rest of their life. Well good luck to you Peter. I'm sure this decision won't haunt you forever.
White Goodman: We are better then you... and we know it!
Patches O'Houlihan: I 'aint crazy and I 'aint a guy.
Steve the Pirate: I'm gonna send you all to hell!
White Goodman: In thirty days I'll be bulldozing that ****-heap you call a gym into permanent nothingness. And I can only hope that you, and the mongrel race that comprise your membership, are inside it when I do.
White Goodman: Prepare to be humiliated on cable television!
Steve the Pirate: The dread pirate Steve be in no man's debt. I'll make a barter with ya; true as the north star. In exchange for your kindness, I'll be sharing me buried treasure with ya... once I find it, that be.
Kate Veatch: [Peter sees her house for the first time] I like... unicorns.
Peter La Fleur: [after Patches hits Justin in the face with a wrench] Yeah, uh, Patches... are you sure that this is completely necessary?
Patches O'Houlihan: Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine?
Peter La Fleur: Probably not.
Patches O'Houlihan: No, but I do it anyway because it's sterile and I like the taste.
Peter La Fleur: ...Okay.
Owen: [after Patches O'Houlihan has been killed] Look on the bright side, at least we've still got Peter!
Dwight: Yeah, but Globo Gym's got guys named Laser, and Blazer, and Tazer, and all kinds of "azer's"! Without Patches, we're going to get our taints handed to us, that's what!
Justin: [Whispers to Gordon] What's a taint?
Gordon: I don't know, but it sounds *bad*!
White Goodman: I know you. You know you. And I know you know that I know you.
White Goodman: [about Average Joe's] Oh, really, you like it over there with those freaks in Losertown?
Kate Veatch: Freaks? They're not freaks, they're people just like you and me.
White Goodman: People, haha, people just like you and me! That is what I love about you Kate! You've got a *personality*!
Kate Veatch: [outside Kate's house] White? What are you doing here? How do you know where I live?
White Goodman: It's called the Freedom of Information Act, Kate. The hippies finally got something right! Ha-ha! Just kidding. But not really.
Dwight: We're still missing the teenage love puppy and Steve the Pirate.
Owen: Who's Steve the Pirate?
Dwight: The only guy on our team that dresses like a pirate!
Owen: Wait, there's a guy on our team who dresses like a pirate?
White Goodman: Stick it in your ear, La Fleur. I wouldn't sell you your gym back for all of King Midas' silver. The gym is mine! So you can take your band of yellow-bellied losers and just crawl on outta here!
Peter La Fleur: You're right, White. I can't make you sell back my gym, so I'll just take your advice and invest in something. Say... the controlling stake of Globo Gym.
White Goodman: That's preposterous! I'd never allow it.
Kate Veatch: Globo Gym is a publicly-traded company, there's nothing you can do about it.
Peter La Fleur: So, I would control Globo Gym and... everything that Globo Gym owns. Which as of last night is Average Joe's Gym!
[Average Joe's Team cheering]
Peter La Fleur: I'm your new boss, White.
White Goodman: You can't be my boss! Nobody's my boss! I'm my own boss! I created myself!
Peter La Fleur: You're fired, pal.
Gordon: Hey, Honey!
[his wife gives the "L" sign]
Gordon: "L" for love! Good times.
Dwight: "L" for love? That doesn't mean love, Gordon...
Peter La Fleur: No, it's... people have different translations for different things and that's a special bond that you have with uh... with your mail-order wife. I think that's nice. It's fine.
[the Average Joes are dressed in S&M leather]
Audience Member: Hey, *******! You guys suck!
White Goodman: [the judges vote to let Average Joe's play] That is pure poppycock!
[while everyone is doing the shuttle run]
Patches O'Houlihan: Come on! I get better runs in my shorts!
Dwight: Bad morning boss?
Peter La Fleur: They usually follow good nights, Dwight.
White Goodman: This is it, La 'Loser.' You ready for the, whoo, hurricane?
Peter La Fleur: Just don't go cryin' to your mommy when I spank you in front of all these people, White.
White Goodman: You don't go cryin' to your daddy after I wipe it up with your face.
Peter La Fleur: Oh, hey White.
White Goodman: Yeah?
Peter La Fleur: You look awful fat in those pants.
Peter La Fleur: Anyone? Top of your head. What's 50 times $100,000?
Owen: $50,000?
Kate Veatch: $5 million! Peter, are you kidding me?
Peter La Fleur: [opens the treasure chest, revealing stacks of cash] Surprise!
Kate Veatch: For instance, do you realize you haven't collected any membership fees in 13 months?
Peter La Fleur: Hmmm...
Kate Veatch: I'm curious, is it strictly apathy, or do you really not have a goal in life?
Peter La Fleur: I found that if you have a goal, that you might not reach it. But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed. And I gotta tell ya... it feels phenomenal.
Kate Veatch: Well I guess that makes sense, in a really sad way.
Peter La Fleur: Sad? You want to know what's sad? Six grown men playing dodgeball.
White Goodman: Your "gym" is a skidmark on the underpants of society.
White Goodman: Oh, hello, Kate. I wasn't aware I was paying you to "socialize".
Kate Veatch: You're not. I'm off the clock.
White Goodman: Well, isn't that convenient for you? And the clock.
Young Patches O'Houlihan: Dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion, and degradation.
Patches O'Houlihan: [giving the pre-match pep talk] And will someone catch a goddamn ball? It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob out there!
Dodgeball Chancellor: Captains, shake hands. Let's have a clean match.
Peter La Fleur: [holds out his hand] Good luck, White.
White Goodman: [reaches to take it, then pulls a psych] Cram it up your cramhole, La Fleur!
[last lines]
White Goodman: You happy? Fatty make a funny?
[White reaches out to kiss Kate]
White Goodman: To be continued...
[She twists his arm and slams his face into the wall]
Kate Veatch: You don't get to touch me, ever!
Patches O'Houlihan: If you're going to become true dodgeballers, then you've got to learn the five d's of dodgeball: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge!
White Goodman: And they love you. Whoo, do they love you. You're their Fonzie, Pete. "Heeeeey." Right?
White Goodman: This doesn't concern you, La Fleur.
Peter La Fleur: Not nearly as much as your hair does.
Peter La Fleur: Hey, White. I didn't think that Nazi camp got out until eight. Did you decide to skip arts and crafts?
White Goodman: Yes, I did.
Cotton McKnight: And the Average Joe's beat the Germans in a *shocking* upset.
Pepper Brooks: I feel *shocked*.
Peter La Fleur: You're adopted! Your parents don't even love you!
From trailer: Victory. Honor. Pride. All these mean nothing... if you don't have balls.
White Goodman: We can help you turn that Frankenstein you see in the mirror every day, into a Franken-fine!
White Goodman: Globo Gym employs a highly trained, quasi-cultural staff of personal alteration specialists.
White Goodman: I'm here to tell you that you don't have to be stuck with what you've got.
Patches O'Houlihan: My sweet dick, it's magic!

ahahhaha
MidnightSti05 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2006, 02:53 PM   #11
Jard
In the silly seat
Moderator
 
Member#: 34935
Join Date: Apr 2003
Chapter/Region: MAIC
Location: Silver Spring, MD
Vehicle:
SPB- 2013 Smugmobile
and DADCORE

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by VipersEatLotus
otton McKnight: I'm being told that Average Joe's does not have enough players and will be forfeiting the championship match.
Pepper Brooks: It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for 'em.
Cotton McKnight: In 23 years of broadcasting I thought I'd seen it all, folks. But it looks like Peter La Fleur has actually blindfolded himself.
Pepper Brooks: He will not be able to see very well, Cotton.
[after sudden death is announced]
Cotton McKnight: Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to witness the greatest happening in sport: sudden-death dodgeball.
Pepper Brooks: Pepper needs new shorts!
White Goodman: Donde esta la biblioteca, Pedro?
Peter La Fleur: White?
White Goodman: We're opening a new Globo Gym in Mexico City, so I've been boning up on my Spanish.
White Goodman: Here at Globo Gym we're better than you, and we know it.
Peter La Fleur: Look, White, I know that we've had our differences in the past...
White Goodman: Differences? Is that what you call sleeping with three of my female trainers?
Peter La Fleur: That was one night.
White Goodman: Or what about that strip-o-gram you sent me for the Globo Gym one year anniversary?
Peter La Fleur: The stripper was meant to be congratulatory.
White Goodman: It was also a man!
Peter La Fleur: Too bad Hallmark doesn't make a "Sorry your dodgeball coach got killed by two tons of irony" card.
White Goodman: We should mate.
Kate Veatch: What?
White Goodman: Date! We should date some time. Socially. Go out and kick it.
[Kate retches, then forces it down]
White Goodman: Are you okay?
Kate Veatch: I'm fine. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
White Goodman: In some cultures, they only eat vomit. I never been there, but I read about it... *in a book*.
Peter La Fleur: Thank you, Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris: Thank *you*, Peter.
White Goodman: Suck failure, freaks.
Steve the Pirate: Steve's gotta go drain the sea-monster.
White Goodman: [a hyper-obese White watches the commercial for Average Joe's before turning off the TV in disgust] Spare me... I won that tournament... ****in' Chuck Norris!
Peter La Fleur: You had me at blood and semen.
Dwight: We could sell blood and semen.
[everyone gives him a strange look]
Dwight: What? Not mixed together.
Cotton McKnight: Looks like it's gonna be a two-on-one, a mÈnage ? trois of pain.
Pepper Brooks: Usually you pay double for that kind of action, Cotton.
Kate Veatch: That... is a really interesting painting.
White Goodman: Thank you. Yeah, that's me, taking the bull by the horns. It's how I handle business. It's a metaphor.
Kate Veatch: I get it.
White Goodman: But that actually happened, though.
White Goodman: There's no reason we need to be shackled by the strictures of the employee-employer relationship. Unless you're into that sort of thing. In which case, I got some shackles in the back. I'm just kidding. But seriously, I've got 'em.
Cotton McKnight: It's time to separate the wheat from the chaff, the men from the boys, the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian.
Peter La Fleur: Hang on a second. You wanna become a cheerleader to prove you are not a loser?
Justin: Yeah. Why?
Peter La Fleur: Nothing. High school's changed a bit since I was a kid.
Cotton McKnight: It looks like the clock is about to strike midnight on this Cinderella story, turning Average Joe's into the proverbial pumpkin.
Pepper Brooks: I sure do like pumpkins, Cotton.
Dwight: [as Kate kisses Joyce] I told you she was a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur: Wow. Good call.
Kate Veatch: Hey! I'm not a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur: You're not?
Kate Veatch: No. I'm bisexual.
[kisses Peter]
Dwight: Oh! Snap!
Justin: This place is too important to us! Gordon, where do you go when your wife changes the locks?
Gordon: Average Joe's.
Justin: Right! Dwight, Owen, what are you going to do if Average Joe's closes? You gonna work at the airport again?
Dwight: Say what? I ain't working at no airport!
Justin: No, 'cause you hated it! Steve! Where is it you go to do... whatever it is that you do?
Steve the Pirate: Garrr! Joe's be the only place for Steve!
Justin: This place is too important to us! Gordon, where do you go when your wife changes the locks?
Patches O'Houlihan: [about Gorden geting angry] Go you crazy son of a bitch GO!
Patches O'Houlihan: Those men and that muff-diver believe in you.
Pepper Brooks: Effin' A, Cotton, Effin' A!
[Kate decapitates White Goodman's cardboard stand-up with a well-aimed dodgeball. Everyone stares at her]
Kate Veatch: What? Eight years of softball.
Dwight: Man, she gotta be a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur: She is *not* a lesbian.
Patches O'Houlihan: All I know is, that dyke can play!
Fran: You are the one that stares at me. Why is this?
Owen: [even though Fran is a tough, scary, Slavic woman] Because you are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Cotton McKnight: Let me tell you, a double-fault final-play elimination hasn't occurred since the Helsinki episode of 1919, and I think we all remember how THAT turned out!
White Goodman: Allow me the pleasure of introducing you to Blade... Laser... Blazer...
Kate Veatch: Are you reading the dictionary?
White Goodman: Oh, you caught me. I like to break a mental sweat too.
Cotton McKnight: Las Vegas. A city built of hot sand, broken dreams and $5 lobster. A city where you can get a happy ending, if you pay a little extra. A city home to a sporting event greater than the World Cup, World Series and World War II combined.
Peter La Fleur: You really think you can come in here and buy me out, White, you're a lot dumber than I thought.
White Goodman: Oh, I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you think that I thought I was once.
White Goodman: I'm white. I'm white. W-H-I-T... E.
White Goodman: You're going down like a sweet muffin!
White Goodman: At Globo Gym we understand that "ugliness" and "fatness" are genetic disorders, much like baldness or necrophilia, and it's only your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it.
Patches O'Houlihan: If you want to have dodgeball victory, you have to grab it by its haunches and you gotta hump it into submission!
White Goodman: Well, that's it. Good guy wins. Bad guy loses. Big freakin' surprise. That's the problem with the American cinema: Can't handle any complexity. "Whoa! Don't make me think!"
White Goodman: We ARE the Globo Gym Purple Cobras... and we will, we will, rock you!
[the whole team slaps their thighs, then rears up and hisses loudly]
Voice on phone: This is Seth from Videorama. The following DVDs are now overdue: "Drunken Hussies 3", "Backdoor Patrol 5" and "Bona Lisa Smile". Thank you.
Cotton McKnight: Average Joe's has a tough job, facing the Lumberjacks. These woodsmen probably haven't even smelled a woman in eight months.
Pepper Brooks: They must masturbate a lot, Cotton.
Peter La Fleur: You must be "Daddy"...
Peter La Fleur: There's someone out there for everybody.
Owen: You think?
Peter La Fleur: Absolutely. In some cases, there's two somebodies for one person. I like to call that "the jackpot".
Kate Veatch: I'm not a banker, I'm a lawyer.
Peter La Fleur: Really? What kind of law are you involved in, pretty eyes?
Kate Veatch: Sexual harassment, mostly.
White Goodman: Last I heard, my gym makes money. Yours doesn't. My gym's worth over $4 million. Your gym isn't worth four. I have shareholders. You haven't even got cup holders.
White Goodman: Do you smell that fitness? I do.
Patches O'Houlihan: I love the smell of queef in the morning.
Owen: I'm gonna catch up with you guys later. I'm gonna have a bathroom... go to the drink... in the bathroom.
Dwight: Whatever you do, wash your hands.
Cotton McKnight: We haven't seen Average Joe's yet. They haven't made it to the court. It could be a psychological ploy, or something worse.
Pepper Brooks: They're definitely not on the court, Cotton. Their absence is noticeable.
Cotton McKnight: Do you believe in unlikelihoods? Average Joe's shocking the dodgeball world and upsetting Globo Gym in the championship match!
Pepper Brooks: Unbelievable!
Cotton McKnight: Ladies and gentlemen, I have been to the Great Wall of China, I have seen the Pyramids of Egypt, I've even witnessed a grown man satisfy a camel. But never in all my years as a sportscaster have I witnessed something as improbable, as impossible, as what we've witnessed here today!
Cotton McKnight: Oh! Right in the testicles!
Pepper Brooks: Ouchtown, population you, bro!
Steve the Pirate: Yarr, I be the dread pirate Steve!
Peter La Fleur: Don't worry so much about this Amber situation. It'll all work itself out in the end.
Justin: Thanks, Pete.
Peter La Fleur: You'll laugh at this one day. I'm laughing already.
White Goodman: Meet Fran Stalinofskivitchdavitovichsky. In her home country of Romanovia, dodgeball is the national sport and her nuclear power plant's team won the championship five years running, which makes her the deadliest woman on earth with a dodgeball. Ball me, Blazer.
[Blazer passes him a dodgeball]
White Goodman: Show them, Fran.
[Fran takes the ball and hurls it at a man on the other side of the bar, knocking him into the jukebox. He drops to the floor, limp]
White Goodman: And that's just her change-up. End of demo. We are the Globo Gym Purple Cobras, and we will, we will, rock you!
Justin: [frightened whisper] I think that guy might really be dead.
German Coach: [shouting in German] You are all swine! You have brought shame to your houses! Losers!
Patches O'Houlihan: You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat!
Fran: I am in extreme state of arousal. Please to make sex all over my face.
Fran: Please to do it again... from the backside.
Peter La Fleur: Well, if you can't raise fifty-thousand dollars with an impromptu carwash, I guess it jus wasn't in the cards.
Pepper Brooks: Good toss by the submissive out there!
Patches O'Houlihan: I've got some hookers in my room. What do you say we go celebrate? My treat.
Peter La Fleur: No, thanks I'll just stick with the scarf, but thank you.
Patches O'Houlihan: Suit yourself, queer.
[Patches turns and drives off]
Patches O'Houlihan: Tomorrow, we're gonna pecker-slap those Globo-Gym bastards!
Patches O'Houlihan: Son, you're about as useful as a doodie flavored lollipop.

you missed my favorite part
Jard is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2006, 02:54 PM   #12
MidnightSti05
Scooby Newbie
 
Member#: 74064
Join Date: Nov 2004
Chapter/Region: MAIC
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by VipersEatLotus
otton McKnight: I'm being told that Average Joe's does not have enough players and will be forfeiting the championship match.
Pepper Brooks: It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for 'em.
Cotton McKnight: In 23 years of broadcasting I thought I'd seen it all, folks. But it looks like Peter La Fleur has actually blindfolded himself.
Pepper Brooks: He will not be able to see very well, Cotton.
[after sudden death is announced]
Cotton McKnight: Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to witness the greatest happening in sport: sudden-death dodgeball.
Pepper Brooks: Pepper needs new shorts!
White Goodman: Donde esta la biblioteca, Pedro?
Peter La Fleur: White?
White Goodman: We're opening a new Globo Gym in Mexico City, so I've been boning up on my Spanish.
White Goodman: Here at Globo Gym we're better than you, and we know it.
Peter La Fleur: Look, White, I know that we've had our differences in the past...
White Goodman: Differences? Is that what you call sleeping with three of my female trainers?
Peter La Fleur: That was one night.
White Goodman: Or what about that strip-o-gram you sent me for the Globo Gym one year anniversary?
Peter La Fleur: The stripper was meant to be congratulatory.
White Goodman: It was also a man!
Peter La Fleur: Too bad Hallmark doesn't make a "Sorry your dodgeball coach got killed by two tons of irony" card.
White Goodman: We should mate.
Kate Veatch: What?
White Goodman: Date! We should date some time. Socially. Go out and kick it.
[Kate retches, then forces it down]
White Goodman: Are you okay?
Kate Veatch: I'm fine. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
White Goodman: In some cultures, they only eat vomit. I never been there, but I read about it... *in a book*.
Peter La Fleur: Thank you, Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris: Thank *you*, Peter.
White Goodman: Suck failure, freaks.
Steve the Pirate: Steve's gotta go drain the sea-monster.
White Goodman: [a hyper-obese White watches the commercial for Average Joe's before turning off the TV in disgust] Spare me... I won that tournament... ****in' Chuck Norris!
Peter La Fleur: You had me at blood and semen.
Dwight: We could sell blood and semen.
[everyone gives him a strange look]
Dwight: What? Not mixed together.
Cotton McKnight: Looks like it's gonna be a two-on-one, a mÈnage ? trois of pain.
Pepper Brooks: Usually you pay double for that kind of action, Cotton.
Kate Veatch: That... is a really interesting painting.
White Goodman: Thank you. Yeah, that's me, taking the bull by the horns. It's how I handle business. It's a metaphor.
Kate Veatch: I get it.
White Goodman: But that actually happened, though.
White Goodman: There's no reason we need to be shackled by the strictures of the employee-employer relationship. Unless you're into that sort of thing. In which case, I got some shackles in the back. I'm just kidding. But seriously, I've got 'em.
Cotton McKnight: It's time to separate the wheat from the chaff, the men from the boys, the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian.
Peter La Fleur: Hang on a second. You wanna become a cheerleader to prove you are not a loser?
Justin: Yeah. Why?
Peter La Fleur: Nothing. High school's changed a bit since I was a kid.
Cotton McKnight: It looks like the clock is about to strike midnight on this Cinderella story, turning Average Joe's into the proverbial pumpkin.
Pepper Brooks: I sure do like pumpkins, Cotton.
Dwight: [as Kate kisses Joyce] I told you she was a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur: Wow. Good call.
Kate Veatch: Hey! I'm not a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur: You're not?
Kate Veatch: No. I'm bisexual.
[kisses Peter]
Dwight: Oh! Snap!
Justin: This place is too important to us! Gordon, where do you go when your wife changes the locks?
Gordon: Average Joe's.
Justin: Right! Dwight, Owen, what are you going to do if Average Joe's closes? You gonna work at the airport again?
Dwight: Say what? I ain't working at no airport!
Justin: No, 'cause you hated it! Steve! Where is it you go to do... whatever it is that you do?
Steve the Pirate: Garrr! Joe's be the only place for Steve!
Justin: This place is too important to us! Gordon, where do you go when your wife changes the locks?
Patches O'Houlihan: [about Gorden geting angry] Go you crazy son of a bitch GO!
Patches O'Houlihan: Those men and that muff-diver believe in you.
Pepper Brooks: Effin' A, Cotton, Effin' A!
[Kate decapitates White Goodman's cardboard stand-up with a well-aimed dodgeball. Everyone stares at her]
Kate Veatch: What? Eight years of softball.
Dwight: Man, she gotta be a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur: She is *not* a lesbian.
Patches O'Houlihan: All I know is, that dyke can play!
Fran: You are the one that stares at me. Why is this?
Owen: [even though Fran is a tough, scary, Slavic woman] Because you are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Cotton McKnight: Let me tell you, a double-fault final-play elimination hasn't occurred since the Helsinki episode of 1919, and I think we all remember how THAT turned out!
White Goodman: Allow me the pleasure of introducing you to Blade... Laser... Blazer...
Kate Veatch: Are you reading the dictionary?
White Goodman: Oh, you caught me. I like to break a mental sweat too.
Cotton McKnight: Las Vegas. A city built of hot sand, broken dreams and $5 lobster. A city where you can get a happy ending, if you pay a little extra. A city home to a sporting event greater than the World Cup, World Series and World War II combined.
Peter La Fleur: You really think you can come in here and buy me out, White, you're a lot dumber than I thought.
White Goodman: Oh, I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you think that I thought I was once.
White Goodman: I'm white. I'm white. W-H-I-T... E.
White Goodman: You're going down like a sweet muffin!
White Goodman: At Globo Gym we understand that "ugliness" and "fatness" are genetic disorders, much like baldness or necrophilia, and it's only your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it.
Patches O'Houlihan: If you want to have dodgeball victory, you have to grab it by its haunches and you gotta hump it into submission!
White Goodman: Well, that's it. Good guy wins. Bad guy loses. Big freakin' surprise. That's the problem with the American cinema: Can't handle any complexity. "Whoa! Don't make me think!"
White Goodman: We ARE the Globo Gym Purple Cobras... and we will, we will, rock you!
[the whole team slaps their thighs, then rears up and hisses loudly]
Voice on phone: This is Seth from Videorama. The following DVDs are now overdue: "Drunken Hussies 3", "Backdoor Patrol 5" and "Bona Lisa Smile". Thank you.
Cotton McKnight: Average Joe's has a tough job, facing the Lumberjacks. These woodsmen probably haven't even smelled a woman in eight months.
Pepper Brooks: They must masturbate a lot, Cotton.
Peter La Fleur: You must be "Daddy"...
Peter La Fleur: There's someone out there for everybody.
Owen: You think?
Peter La Fleur: Absolutely. In some cases, there's two somebodies for one person. I like to call that "the jackpot".
Kate Veatch: I'm not a banker, I'm a lawyer.
Peter La Fleur: Really? What kind of law are you involved in, pretty eyes?
Kate Veatch: Sexual harassment, mostly.
White Goodman: Last I heard, my gym makes money. Yours doesn't. My gym's worth over $4 million. Your gym isn't worth four. I have shareholders. You haven't even got cup holders.
White Goodman: Do you smell that fitness? I do.
Patches O'Houlihan: I love the smell of queef in the morning.
Owen: I'm gonna catch up with you guys later. I'm gonna have a bathroom... go to the drink... in the bathroom.
Dwight: Whatever you do, wash your hands.
Cotton McKnight: We haven't seen Average Joe's yet. They haven't made it to the court. It could be a psychological ploy, or something worse.
Pepper Brooks: They're definitely not on the court, Cotton. Their absence is noticeable.
Cotton McKnight: Do you believe in unlikelihoods? Average Joe's shocking the dodgeball world and upsetting Globo Gym in the championship match!
Pepper Brooks: Unbelievable!
Cotton McKnight: Ladies and gentlemen, I have been to the Great Wall of China, I have seen the Pyramids of Egypt, I've even witnessed a grown man satisfy a camel. But never in all my years as a sportscaster have I witnessed something as improbable, as impossible, as what we've witnessed here today!
Cotton McKnight: Oh! Right in the testicles!
Pepper Brooks: Ouchtown, population you, bro!
Steve the Pirate: Yarr, I be the dread pirate Steve!
Peter La Fleur: Don't worry so much about this Amber situation. It'll all work itself out in the end.
Justin: Thanks, Pete.
Peter La Fleur: You'll laugh at this one day. I'm laughing already.
White Goodman: Meet Fran Stalinofskivitchdavitovichsky. In her home country of Romanovia, dodgeball is the national sport and her nuclear power plant's team won the championship five years running, which makes her the deadliest woman on earth with a dodgeball. Ball me, Blazer.
[Blazer passes him a dodgeball]
White Goodman: Show them, Fran.
[Fran takes the ball and hurls it at a man on the other side of the bar, knocking him into the jukebox. He drops to the floor, limp]
White Goodman: And that's just her change-up. End of demo. We are the Globo Gym Purple Cobras, and we will, we will, rock you!
Justin: [frightened whisper] I think that guy might really be dead.
German Coach: [shouting in German] You are all swine! You have brought shame to your houses! Losers!
Patches O'Houlihan: You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat!
Fran: I am in extreme state of arousal. Please to make sex all over my face.
Fran: Please to do it again... from the backside.
Peter La Fleur: Well, if you can't raise fifty-thousand dollars with an impromptu carwash, I guess it jus wasn't in the cards.
Pepper Brooks: Good toss by the submissive out there!
Patches O'Houlihan: I've got some hookers in my room. What do you say we go celebrate? My treat.
Peter La Fleur: No, thanks I'll just stick with the scarf, but thank you.
Patches O'Houlihan: Suit yourself, queer.
[Patches turns and drives off]
Patches O'Houlihan: Tomorrow, we're gonna pecker-slap those Globo-Gym bastards!
Patches O'Houlihan: Son, you're about as useful as a doodie flavored lollipop.
ahahhaha
MidnightSti05 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2006, 02:55 PM   #13
lotusdrift
Scooby Specialist
 
Member#: 24308
Join Date: Sep 2002
Chapter/Region: MAIC
Location: HR
Vehicle:
Oh, **** it
I'm gonna have a party

Default




is there a rule that says I can close a thread once it has come to its complete finality?


"jus doit"

...uhoh
lotusdrift is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2006, 02:55 PM   #14
MidnightSti05
Scooby Newbie
 
Member#: 74064
Join Date: Nov 2004
Chapter/Region: MAIC
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by VipersEatLotus
otton McKnight: I'm being told that Average Joe's does not have enough players and will be forfeiting the championship match.
Pepper Brooks: It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for 'em.
Cotton McKnight: In 23 years of broadcasting I thought I'd seen it all, folks. But it looks like Peter La Fleur has actually blindfolded himself.
Pepper Brooks: He will not be able to see very well, Cotton.
[after sudden death is announced]
Cotton McKnight: Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to witness the greatest happening in sport: sudden-death dodgeball.
Pepper Brooks: Pepper needs new shorts!
White Goodman: Donde esta la biblioteca, Pedro?
Peter La Fleur: White?
White Goodman: We're opening a new Globo Gym in Mexico City, so I've been boning up on my Spanish.
White Goodman: Here at Globo Gym we're better than you, and we know it.
Peter La Fleur: Look, White, I know that we've had our differences in the past...
White Goodman: Differences? Is that what you call sleeping with three of my female trainers?
Peter La Fleur: That was one night.
White Goodman: Or what about that strip-o-gram you sent me for the Globo Gym one year anniversary?
Peter La Fleur: The stripper was meant to be congratulatory.
White Goodman: It was also a man!
Peter La Fleur: Too bad Hallmark doesn't make a "Sorry your dodgeball coach got killed by two tons of irony" card.
White Goodman: We should mate.
Kate Veatch: What?
White Goodman: Date! We should date some time. Socially. Go out and kick it.
[Kate retches, then forces it down]
White Goodman: Are you okay?
Kate Veatch: I'm fine. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
White Goodman: In some cultures, they only eat vomit. I never been there, but I read about it... *in a book*.
Peter La Fleur: Thank you, Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris: Thank *you*, Peter.
White Goodman: Suck failure, freaks.
Steve the Pirate: Steve's gotta go drain the sea-monster.
White Goodman: [a hyper-obese White watches the commercial for Average Joe's before turning off the TV in disgust] Spare me... I won that tournament... ****in' Chuck Norris!
Peter La Fleur: You had me at blood and semen.
Dwight: We could sell blood and semen.
[everyone gives him a strange look]
Dwight: What? Not mixed together.
Cotton McKnight: Looks like it's gonna be a two-on-one, a mÈnage ? trois of pain.
Pepper Brooks: Usually you pay double for that kind of action, Cotton.
Kate Veatch: That... is a really interesting painting.
White Goodman: Thank you. Yeah, that's me, taking the bull by the horns. It's how I handle business. It's a metaphor.
Kate Veatch: I get it.
White Goodman: But that actually happened, though.
White Goodman: There's no reason we need to be shackled by the strictures of the employee-employer relationship. Unless you're into that sort of thing. In which case, I got some shackles in the back. I'm just kidding. But seriously, I've got 'em.
Cotton McKnight: It's time to separate the wheat from the chaff, the men from the boys, the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian.
Peter La Fleur: Hang on a second. You wanna become a cheerleader to prove you are not a loser?
Justin: Yeah. Why?
Peter La Fleur: Nothing. High school's changed a bit since I was a kid.
Cotton McKnight: It looks like the clock is about to strike midnight on this Cinderella story, turning Average Joe's into the proverbial pumpkin.
Pepper Brooks: I sure do like pumpkins, Cotton.
Dwight: [as Kate kisses Joyce] I told you she was a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur: Wow. Good call.
Kate Veatch: Hey! I'm not a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur: You're not?
Kate Veatch: No. I'm bisexual.
[kisses Peter]
Dwight: Oh! Snap!
Justin: This place is too important to us! Gordon, where do you go when your wife changes the locks?
Gordon: Average Joe's.
Justin: Right! Dwight, Owen, what are you going to do if Average Joe's closes? You gonna work at the airport again?
Dwight: Say what? I ain't working at no airport!
Justin: No, 'cause you hated it! Steve! Where is it you go to do... whatever it is that you do?
Steve the Pirate: Garrr! Joe's be the only place for Steve!
Justin: This place is too important to us! Gordon, where do you go when your wife changes the locks?
Patches O'Houlihan: [about Gorden geting angry] Go you crazy son of a bitch GO!
Patches O'Houlihan: Those men and that muff-diver believe in you.
Pepper Brooks: Effin' A, Cotton, Effin' A!
[Kate decapitates White Goodman's cardboard stand-up with a well-aimed dodgeball. Everyone stares at her]
Kate Veatch: What? Eight years of softball.
Dwight: Man, she gotta be a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur: She is *not* a lesbian.
Patches O'Houlihan: All I know is, that dyke can play!
Fran: You are the one that stares at me. Why is this?
Owen: [even though Fran is a tough, scary, Slavic woman] Because you are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Cotton McKnight: Let me tell you, a double-fault final-play elimination hasn't occurred since the Helsinki episode of 1919, and I think we all remember how THAT turned out!
White Goodman: Allow me the pleasure of introducing you to Blade... Laser... Blazer...
Kate Veatch: Are you reading the dictionary?
White Goodman: Oh, you caught me. I like to break a mental sweat too.
Cotton McKnight: Las Vegas. A city built of hot sand, broken dreams and $5 lobster. A city where you can get a happy ending, if you pay a little extra. A city home to a sporting event greater than the World Cup, World Series and World War II combined.
Peter La Fleur: You really think you can come in here and buy me out, White, you're a lot dumber than I thought.
White Goodman: Oh, I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you think that I thought I was once.
White Goodman: I'm white. I'm white. W-H-I-T... E.
White Goodman: You're going down like a sweet muffin!
White Goodman: At Globo Gym we understand that "ugliness" and "fatness" are genetic disorders, much like baldness or necrophilia, and it's only your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it.
Patches O'Houlihan: If you want to have dodgeball victory, you have to grab it by its haunches and you gotta hump it into submission!
White Goodman: Well, that's it. Good guy wins. Bad guy loses. Big freakin' surprise. That's the problem with the American cinema: Can't handle any complexity. "Whoa! Don't make me think!"
White Goodman: We ARE the Globo Gym Purple Cobras... and we will, we will, rock you!
[the whole team slaps their thighs, then rears up and hisses loudly]
Voice on phone: This is Seth from Videorama. The following DVDs are now overdue: "Drunken Hussies 3", "Backdoor Patrol 5" and "Bona Lisa Smile". Thank you.
Cotton McKnight: Average Joe's has a tough job, facing the Lumberjacks. These woodsmen probably haven't even smelled a woman in eight months.
Pepper Brooks: They must masturbate a lot, Cotton.
Peter La Fleur: You must be "Daddy"...
Peter La Fleur: There's someone out there for everybody.
Owen: You think?
Peter La Fleur: Absolutely. In some cases, there's two somebodies for one person. I like to call that "the jackpot".
Kate Veatch: I'm not a banker, I'm a lawyer.
Peter La Fleur: Really? What kind of law are you involved in, pretty eyes?
Kate Veatch: Sexual harassment, mostly.
White Goodman: Last I heard, my gym makes money. Yours doesn't. My gym's worth over $4 million. Your gym isn't worth four. I have shareholders. You haven't even got cup holders.
White Goodman: Do you smell that fitness? I do.
Patches O'Houlihan: I love the smell of queef in the morning.
Owen: I'm gonna catch up with you guys later. I'm gonna have a bathroom... go to the drink... in the bathroom.
Dwight: Whatever you do, wash your hands.
Cotton McKnight: We haven't seen Average Joe's yet. They haven't made it to the court. It could be a psychological ploy, or something worse.
Pepper Brooks: They're definitely not on the court, Cotton. Their absence is noticeable.
Cotton McKnight: Do you believe in unlikelihoods? Average Joe's shocking the dodgeball world and upsetting Globo Gym in the championship match!
Pepper Brooks: Unbelievable!
Cotton McKnight: Ladies and gentlemen, I have been to the Great Wall of China, I have seen the Pyramids of Egypt, I've even witnessed a grown man satisfy a camel. But never in all my years as a sportscaster have I witnessed something as improbable, as impossible, as what we've witnessed here today!
Cotton McKnight: Oh! Right in the testicles!
Pepper Brooks: Ouchtown, population you, bro!
Steve the Pirate: Yarr, I be the dread pirate Steve!
Peter La Fleur: Don't worry so much about this Amber situation. It'll all work itself out in the end.
Justin: Thanks, Pete.
Peter La Fleur: You'll laugh at this one day. I'm laughing already.
White Goodman: Meet Fran Stalinofskivitchdavitovichsky. In her home country of Romanovia, dodgeball is the national sport and her nuclear power plant's team won the championship five years running, which makes her the deadliest woman on earth with a dodgeball. Ball me, Blazer.
[Blazer passes him a dodgeball]
White Goodman: Show them, Fran.
[Fran takes the ball and hurls it at a man on the other side of the bar, knocking him into the jukebox. He drops to the floor, limp]
White Goodman: And that's just her change-up. End of demo. We are the Globo Gym Purple Cobras, and we will, we will, rock you!
Justin: [frightened whisper] I think that guy might really be dead.
German Coach: [shouting in German] You are all swine! You have brought shame to your houses! Losers!
Patches O'Houlihan: You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat!
Fran: I am in extreme state of arousal. Please to make sex all over my face.
Fran: Please to do it again... from the backside.
Peter La Fleur: Well, if you can't raise fifty-thousand dollars with an impromptu carwash, I guess it jus wasn't in the cards.
Pepper Brooks: Good toss by the submissive out there!
Patches O'Houlihan: I've got some hookers in my room. What do you say we go celebrate? My treat.
Peter La Fleur: No, thanks I'll just stick with the scarf, but thank you.
Patches O'Houlihan: Suit yourself, queer.
[Patches turns and drives off]
Patches O'Houlihan: Tomorrow, we're gonna pecker-slap those Globo-Gym bastards!
Patches O'Houlihan: Son, you're about as useful as a doodie flavored lollipop.
ahhahaha
MidnightSti05 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2006, 03:03 PM   #15
Dystinct
Scooby Specialist
 
Member#: 105759
Join Date: Jan 2006
Chapter/Region: MAIC
Location: I am OT's complete
Vehicle:
lack of suprise
KatsSubyRocks!

Default

Here we go again.
Dystinct is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2006, 04:07 PM   #16
2.5 Blue Roo
Scooby Specialist
 
Member#: 45727
Join Date: Oct 2003
Chapter/Region: MAIC
Location: MD
Vehicle:
1981 Audi Rally Ur
Quattro

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by VipersEatLotus
otton McKnight: I'm being told that Average Joe's does not have enough players and will be forfeiting the championship match.
Pepper Brooks: It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for 'em.
Cotton McKnight: In 23 years of broadcasting I thought I'd seen it all, folks. But it looks like Peter La Fleur has actually blindfolded himself.
Pepper Brooks: He will not be able to see very well, Cotton.
[after sudden death is announced]
Cotton McKnight: Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to witness the greatest happening in sport: sudden-death dodgeball.
Pepper Brooks: Pepper needs new shorts!
White Goodman: Donde esta la biblioteca, Pedro?
Peter La Fleur: White?
White Goodman: We're opening a new Globo Gym in Mexico City, so I've been boning up on my Spanish.
White Goodman: Here at Globo Gym we're better than you, and we know it.
Peter La Fleur: Look, White, I know that we've had our differences in the past...
White Goodman: Differences? Is that what you call sleeping with three of my female trainers?
Peter La Fleur: That was one night.
White Goodman: Or what about that strip-o-gram you sent me for the Globo Gym one year anniversary?
Peter La Fleur: The stripper was meant to be congratulatory.
White Goodman: It was also a man!
Peter La Fleur: Too bad Hallmark doesn't make a "Sorry your dodgeball coach got killed by two tons of irony" card.
White Goodman: We should mate.
Kate Veatch: What?
White Goodman: Date! We should date some time. Socially. Go out and kick it.
[Kate retches, then forces it down]
White Goodman: Are you okay?
Kate Veatch: I'm fine. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
White Goodman: In some cultures, they only eat vomit. I never been there, but I read about it... *in a book*.
Peter La Fleur: Thank you, Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris: Thank *you*, Peter.
White Goodman: Suck failure, freaks.
Steve the Pirate: Steve's gotta go drain the sea-monster.
White Goodman: [a hyper-obese White watches the commercial for Average Joe's before turning off the TV in disgust] Spare me... I won that tournament... ****in' Chuck Norris!
Peter La Fleur: You had me at blood and semen.
Dwight: We could sell blood and semen.
[everyone gives him a strange look]
Dwight: What? Not mixed together.
Cotton McKnight: Looks like it's gonna be a two-on-one, a mÈnage ? trois of pain.
Pepper Brooks: Usually you pay double for that kind of action, Cotton.
Kate Veatch: That... is a really interesting painting.
White Goodman: Thank you. Yeah, that's me, taking the bull by the horns. It's how I handle business. It's a metaphor.
Kate Veatch: I get it.
White Goodman: But that actually happened, though.
White Goodman: There's no reason we need to be shackled by the strictures of the employee-employer relationship. Unless you're into that sort of thing. In which case, I got some shackles in the back. I'm just kidding. But seriously, I've got 'em.
Cotton McKnight: It's time to separate the wheat from the chaff, the men from the boys, the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian.
Peter La Fleur: Hang on a second. You wanna become a cheerleader to prove you are not a loser?
Justin: Yeah. Why?
Peter La Fleur: Nothing. High school's changed a bit since I was a kid.
Cotton McKnight: It looks like the clock is about to strike midnight on this Cinderella story, turning Average Joe's into the proverbial pumpkin.
Pepper Brooks: I sure do like pumpkins, Cotton.
Dwight: [as Kate kisses Joyce] I told you she was a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur: Wow. Good call.
Kate Veatch: Hey! I'm not a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur: You're not?
Kate Veatch: No. I'm bisexual.
[kisses Peter]
Dwight: Oh! Snap!
Justin: This place is too important to us! Gordon, where do you go when your wife changes the locks?
Gordon: Average Joe's.
Justin: Right! Dwight, Owen, what are you going to do if Average Joe's closes? You gonna work at the airport again?
Dwight: Say what? I ain't working at no airport!
Justin: No, 'cause you hated it! Steve! Where is it you go to do... whatever it is that you do?
Steve the Pirate: Garrr! Joe's be the only place for Steve!
Justin: This place is too important to us! Gordon, where do you go when your wife changes the locks?
Patches O'Houlihan: [about Gorden geting angry] Go you crazy son of a bitch GO!
Patches O'Houlihan: Those men and that muff-diver believe in you.
Pepper Brooks: Effin' A, Cotton, Effin' A!
[Kate decapitates White Goodman's cardboard stand-up with a well-aimed dodgeball. Everyone stares at her]
Kate Veatch: What? Eight years of softball.
Dwight: Man, she gotta be a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur: She is *not* a lesbian.
Patches O'Houlihan: All I know is, that dyke can play!
Fran: You are the one that stares at me. Why is this?
Owen: [even though Fran is a tough, scary, Slavic woman] Because you are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Cotton McKnight: Let me tell you, a double-fault final-play elimination hasn't occurred since the Helsinki episode of 1919, and I think we all remember how THAT turned out!
White Goodman: Allow me the pleasure of introducing you to Blade... Laser... Blazer...
Kate Veatch: Are you reading the dictionary?
White Goodman: Oh, you caught me. I like to break a mental sweat too.
Cotton McKnight: Las Vegas. A city built of hot sand, broken dreams and $5 lobster. A city where you can get a happy ending, if you pay a little extra. A city home to a sporting event greater than the World Cup, World Series and World War II combined.
Peter La Fleur: You really think you can come in here and buy me out, White, you're a lot dumber than I thought.
White Goodman: Oh, I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you think that I thought I was once.
White Goodman: I'm white. I'm white. W-H-I-T... E.
White Goodman: You're going down like a sweet muffin!
White Goodman: At Globo Gym we understand that "ugliness" and "fatness" are genetic disorders, much like baldness or necrophilia, and it's only your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it.
Patches O'Houlihan: If you want to have dodgeball victory, you have to grab it by its haunches and you gotta hump it into submission!
White Goodman: Well, that's it. Good guy wins. Bad guy loses. Big freakin' surprise. That's the problem with the American cinema: Can't handle any complexity. "Whoa! Don't make me think!"
White Goodman: We ARE the Globo Gym Purple Cobras... and we will, we will, rock you!
[the whole team slaps their thighs, then rears up and hisses loudly]
Voice on phone: This is Seth from Videorama. The following DVDs are now overdue: "Drunken Hussies 3", "Backdoor Patrol 5" and "Bona Lisa Smile". Thank you.
Cotton McKnight: Average Joe's has a tough job, facing the Lumberjacks. These woodsmen probably haven't even smelled a woman in eight months.
Pepper Brooks: They must masturbate a lot, Cotton.
Peter La Fleur: You must be "Daddy"...
Peter La Fleur: There's someone out there for everybody.
Owen: You think?
Peter La Fleur: Absolutely. In some cases, there's two somebodies for one person. I like to call that "the jackpot".
Kate Veatch: I'm not a banker, I'm a lawyer.
Peter La Fleur: Really? What kind of law are you involved in, pretty eyes?
Kate Veatch: Sexual harassment, mostly.
White Goodman: Last I heard, my gym makes money. Yours doesn't. My gym's worth over $4 million. Your gym isn't worth four. I have shareholders. You haven't even got cup holders.
White Goodman: Do you smell that fitness? I do.
Patches O'Houlihan: I love the smell of queef in the morning.
Owen: I'm gonna catch up with you guys later. I'm gonna have a bathroom... go to the drink... in the bathroom.
Dwight: Whatever you do, wash your hands.
Cotton McKnight: We haven't seen Average Joe's yet. They haven't made it to the court. It could be a psychological ploy, or something worse.
Pepper Brooks: They're definitely not on the court, Cotton. Their absence is noticeable.
Cotton McKnight: Do you believe in unlikelihoods? Average Joe's shocking the dodgeball world and upsetting Globo Gym in the championship match!
Pepper Brooks: Unbelievable!
Cotton McKnight: Ladies and gentlemen, I have been to the Great Wall of China, I have seen the Pyramids of Egypt, I've even witnessed a grown man satisfy a camel. But never in all my years as a sportscaster have I witnessed something as improbable, as impossible, as what we've witnessed here today!
Cotton McKnight: Oh! Right in the testicles!
Pepper Brooks: Ouchtown, population you, bro!
Steve the Pirate: Yarr, I be the dread pirate Steve!
Peter La Fleur: Don't worry so much about this Amber situation. It'll all work itself out in the end.
Justin: Thanks, Pete.
Peter La Fleur: You'll laugh at this one day. I'm laughing already.
White Goodman: Meet Fran Stalinofskivitchdavitovichsky. In her home country of Romanovia, dodgeball is the national sport and her nuclear power plant's team won the championship five years running, which makes her the deadliest woman on earth with a dodgeball. Ball me, Blazer.
[Blazer passes him a dodgeball]
White Goodman: Show them, Fran.
[Fran takes the ball and hurls it at a man on the other side of the bar, knocking him into the jukebox. He drops to the floor, limp]
White Goodman: And that's just her change-up. End of demo. We are the Globo Gym Purple Cobras, and we will, we will, rock you!
Justin: [frightened whisper] I think that guy might really be dead.
German Coach: [shouting in German] You are all swine! You have brought shame to your houses! Losers!
Patches O'Houlihan: You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat!
Fran: I am in extreme state of arousal. Please to make sex all over my face.
Fran: Please to do it again... from the backside.
Peter La Fleur: Well, if you can't raise fifty-thousand dollars with an impromptu carwash, I guess it jus wasn't in the cards.
Pepper Brooks: Good toss by the submissive out there!
Patches O'Houlihan: I've got some hookers in my room. What do you say we go celebrate? My treat.
Peter La Fleur: No, thanks I'll just stick with the scarf, but thank you.
Patches O'Houlihan: Suit yourself, queer.
[Patches turns and drives off]
Patches O'Houlihan: Tomorrow, we're gonna pecker-slap those Globo-Gym bastards!
Patches O'Houlihan: Son, you're about as useful as a doodie flavored lollipop.
i love this movie
2.5 Blue Roo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2006, 04:13 PM   #17
tairese
Scooby Specialist
 
Member#: 103385
Join Date: Dec 2005
Chapter/Region: MAIC
Location: American Legion Bridge
Vehicle:
2005 WRX CGM
Cobb Stg negative 15

Default

we done quoting the entire movie yet?
tairese is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2006, 04:15 PM   #18
rogue
call me Apples
Super Moderator
 
Member#: 7977
Join Date: Jul 2001
Chapter/Region: MAIC
Location: Sterling, VA
Vehicle:
100% Abuse

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by VipersEatLotus
otton McKnight: I'm being told that Average Joe's does not have enough players and will be forfeiting the championship match.
Pepper Brooks: It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for 'em.
Cotton McKnight: In 23 years of broadcasting I thought I'd seen it all, folks. But it looks like Peter La Fleur has actually blindfolded himself.
Pepper Brooks: He will not be able to see very well, Cotton.
[after sudden death is announced]
Cotton McKnight: Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to witness the greatest happening in sport: sudden-death dodgeball.
Pepper Brooks: Pepper needs new shorts!
White Goodman: Donde esta la biblioteca, Pedro?
Peter La Fleur: White?
White Goodman: We're opening a new Globo Gym in Mexico City, so I've been boning up on my Spanish.
White Goodman: Here at Globo Gym we're better than you, and we know it.
Peter La Fleur: Look, White, I know that we've had our differences in the past...
White Goodman: Differences? Is that what you call sleeping with three of my female trainers?
Peter La Fleur: That was one night.
White Goodman: Or what about that strip-o-gram you sent me for the Globo Gym one year anniversary?
Peter La Fleur: The stripper was meant to be congratulatory.
White Goodman: It was also a man!
Peter La Fleur: Too bad Hallmark doesn't make a "Sorry your dodgeball coach got killed by two tons of irony" card.
White Goodman: We should mate.
Kate Veatch: What?
White Goodman: Date! We should date some time. Socially. Go out and kick it.
[Kate retches, then forces it down]
White Goodman: Are you okay?
Kate Veatch: I'm fine. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
White Goodman: In some cultures, they only eat vomit. I never been there, but I read about it... *in a book*.
Peter La Fleur: Thank you, Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris: Thank *you*, Peter.
White Goodman: Suck failure, freaks.
Steve the Pirate: Steve's gotta go drain the sea-monster.
White Goodman: [a hyper-obese White watches the commercial for Average Joe's before turning off the TV in disgust] Spare me... I won that tournament... ****in' Chuck Norris!
Peter La Fleur: You had me at blood and semen.
Dwight: We could sell blood and semen.
[everyone gives him a strange look]
Dwight: What? Not mixed together.
Cotton McKnight: Looks like it's gonna be a two-on-one, a mÈnage ? trois of pain.
Pepper Brooks: Usually you pay double for that kind of action, Cotton.
Kate Veatch: That... is a really interesting painting.
White Goodman: Thank you. Yeah, that's me, taking the bull by the horns. It's how I handle business. It's a metaphor.
Kate Veatch: I get it.
White Goodman: But that actually happened, though.
White Goodman: There's no reason we need to be shackled by the strictures of the employee-employer relationship. Unless you're into that sort of thing. In which case, I got some shackles in the back. I'm just kidding. But seriously, I've got 'em.
Cotton McKnight: It's time to separate the wheat from the chaff, the men from the boys, the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian.
Peter La Fleur: Hang on a second. You wanna become a cheerleader to prove you are not a loser?
Justin: Yeah. Why?
Peter La Fleur: Nothing. High school's changed a bit since I was a kid.
Cotton McKnight: It looks like the clock is about to strike midnight on this Cinderella story, turning Average Joe's into the proverbial pumpkin.
Pepper Brooks: I sure do like pumpkins, Cotton.
Dwight: [as Kate kisses Joyce] I told you she was a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur: Wow. Good call.
Kate Veatch: Hey! I'm not a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur: You're not?
Kate Veatch: No. I'm bisexual.
[kisses Peter]
Dwight: Oh! Snap!
Justin: This place is too important to us! Gordon, where do you go when your wife changes the locks?
Gordon: Average Joe's.
Justin: Right! Dwight, Owen, what are you going to do if Average Joe's closes? You gonna work at the airport again?
Dwight: Say what? I ain't working at no airport!
Justin: No, 'cause you hated it! Steve! Where is it you go to do... whatever it is that you do?
Steve the Pirate: Garrr! Joe's be the only place for Steve!
Justin: This place is too important to us! Gordon, where do you go when your wife changes the locks?
Patches O'Houlihan: [about Gorden geting angry] Go you crazy son of a bitch GO!
Patches O'Houlihan: Those men and that muff-diver believe in you.
Pepper Brooks: Effin' A, Cotton, Effin' A!
[Kate decapitates White Goodman's cardboard stand-up with a well-aimed dodgeball. Everyone stares at her]
Kate Veatch: What? Eight years of softball.
Dwight: Man, she gotta be a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur: She is *not* a lesbian.
Patches O'Houlihan: All I know is, that dyke can play!
Fran: You are the one that stares at me. Why is this?
Owen: [even though Fran is a tough, scary, Slavic woman] Because you are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Cotton McKnight: Let me tell you, a double-fault final-play elimination hasn't occurred since the Helsinki episode of 1919, and I think we all remember how THAT turned out!
White Goodman: Allow me the pleasure of introducing you to Blade... Laser... Blazer...
Kate Veatch: Are you reading the dictionary?
White Goodman: Oh, you caught me. I like to break a mental sweat too.
Cotton McKnight: Las Vegas. A city built of hot sand, broken dreams and $5 lobster. A city where you can get a happy ending, if you pay a little extra. A city home to a sporting event greater than the World Cup, World Series and World War II combined.
Peter La Fleur: You really think you can come in here and buy me out, White, you're a lot dumber than I thought.
White Goodman: Oh, I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you think that I thought I was once.
White Goodman: I'm white. I'm white. W-H-I-T... E.
White Goodman: You're going down like a sweet muffin!
White Goodman: At Globo Gym we understand that "ugliness" and "fatness" are genetic disorders, much like baldness or necrophilia, and it's only your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it.
Patches O'Houlihan: If you want to have dodgeball victory, you have to grab it by its haunches and you gotta hump it into submission!
White Goodman: Well, that's it. Good guy wins. Bad guy loses. Big freakin' surprise. That's the problem with the American cinema: Can't handle any complexity. "Whoa! Don't make me think!"
White Goodman: We ARE the Globo Gym Purple Cobras... and we will, we will, rock you!
[the whole team slaps their thighs, then rears up and hisses loudly]
Voice on phone: This is Seth from Videorama. The following DVDs are now overdue: "Drunken Hussies 3", "Backdoor Patrol 5" and "Bona Lisa Smile". Thank you.
Cotton McKnight: Average Joe's has a tough job, facing the Lumberjacks. These woodsmen probably haven't even smelled a woman in eight months.
Pepper Brooks: They must masturbate a lot, Cotton.
Peter La Fleur: You must be "Daddy"...
Peter La Fleur: There's someone out there for everybody.
Owen: You think?
Peter La Fleur: Absolutely. In some cases, there's two somebodies for one person. I like to call that "the jackpot".
Kate Veatch: I'm not a banker, I'm a lawyer.
Peter La Fleur: Really? What kind of law are you involved in, pretty eyes?
Kate Veatch: Sexual harassment, mostly.
White Goodman: Last I heard, my gym makes money. Yours doesn't. My gym's worth over $4 million. Your gym isn't worth four. I have shareholders. You haven't even got cup holders.
White Goodman: Do you smell that fitness? I do.
Patches O'Houlihan: I love the smell of queef in the morning.
Owen: I'm gonna catch up with you guys later. I'm gonna have a bathroom... go to the drink... in the bathroom.
Dwight: Whatever you do, wash your hands.
Cotton McKnight: We haven't seen Average Joe's yet. They haven't made it to the court. It could be a psychological ploy, or something worse.
Pepper Brooks: They're definitely not on the court, Cotton. Their absence is noticeable.
Cotton McKnight: Do you believe in unlikelihoods? Average Joe's shocking the dodgeball world and upsetting Globo Gym in the championship match!
Pepper Brooks: Unbelievable!
Cotton McKnight: Ladies and gentlemen, I have been to the Great Wall of China, I have seen the Pyramids of Egypt, I've even witnessed a grown man satisfy a camel. But never in all my years as a sportscaster have I witnessed something as improbable, as impossible, as what we've witnessed here today!
Cotton McKnight: Oh! Right in the testicles!
Pepper Brooks: Ouchtown, population you, bro!
Steve the Pirate: Yarr, I be the dread pirate Steve!
Peter La Fleur: Don't worry so much about this Amber situation. It'll all work itself out in the end.
Justin: Thanks, Pete.
Peter La Fleur: You'll laugh at this one day. I'm laughing already.
White Goodman: Meet Fran Stalinofskivitchdavitovichsky. In her home country of Romanovia, dodgeball is the national sport and her nuclear power plant's team won the championship five years running, which makes her the deadliest woman on earth with a dodgeball. Ball me, Blazer.
[Blazer passes him a dodgeball]
White Goodman: Show them, Fran.
[Fran takes the ball and hurls it at a man on the other side of the bar, knocking him into the jukebox. He drops to the floor, limp]
White Goodman: And that's just her change-up. End of demo. We are the Globo Gym Purple Cobras, and we will, we will, rock you!
Justin: [frightened whisper] I think that guy might really be dead.
German Coach: [shouting in German] You are all swine! You have brought shame to your houses! Losers!
Patches O'Houlihan: You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat!
Fran: I am in extreme state of arousal. Please to make sex all over my face.
Fran: Please to do it again... from the backside.
Peter La Fleur: Well, if you can't raise fifty-thousand dollars with an impromptu carwash, I guess it jus wasn't in the cards.
Pepper Brooks: Good toss by the submissive out there!
Patches O'Houlihan: I've got some hookers in my room. What do you say we go celebrate? My treat.
Peter La Fleur: No, thanks I'll just stick with the scarf, but thank you.
Patches O'Houlihan: Suit yourself, queer.
[Patches turns and drives off]
Patches O'Houlihan: Tomorrow, we're gonna pecker-slap those Globo-Gym bastards!
Patches O'Houlihan: Son, you're about as useful as a doodie flavored lollipop.
ahahahahaha
rogue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2006, 04:29 PM   #19
WRXCorndog
Scooby Newbie
 
Member#: 117106
Join Date: Jun 2006
Chapter/Region: MAIC
Default

I'm Ron Burgundy?
WRXCorndog is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2006, 04:40 PM   #20
Dystinct
Scooby Specialist
 
Member#: 105759
Join Date: Jan 2006
Chapter/Region: MAIC
Location: I am OT's complete
Vehicle:
lack of suprise
KatsSubyRocks!

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by WRXCorndog
I'm Ron Burgundy?

Wrong thread.




Dystinct is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2006, 07:33 PM   #21
Bundyboyz
Scooby Specialist
 
Member#: 32764
Join Date: Feb 2003
Chapter/Region: MAIC
Vehicle:
2003 WRX with 91K
New Motor & Paint WRB

Default

Mid-A more Off topic everyday...

like I posted in another thread... I'm glad I came back here.
Bundyboyz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2006, 08:27 PM   #22
RicerJim
Scooby Specialist
 
Member#: 39824
Join Date: Jul 2003
Chapter/Region: MAIC
Location: HR Virginia
Vehicle:
SPB- I'm waaay more
shower pocket than you!

Default

Yay... another thread that has nothing to do with anything...

Last edited by RicerJim; 07-18-2006 at 09:12 PM.
RicerJim is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2006, 11:43 PM   #23
THE-95-STi
Scooby Guru
 
Member#: 113734
Join Date: Apr 2006
Chapter/Region: International
Location: The U.K.
Vehicle:
1998 FSTi, 95 sold!
the JDM yO!(MAIC4LIFE)

Default

yep sure is . . . . nobody
THE-95-STi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2006, 12:36 AM   #24
2.5 Blue Roo
Scooby Specialist
 
Member#: 45727
Join Date: Oct 2003
Chapter/Region: MAIC
Location: MD
Vehicle:
1981 Audi Rally Ur
Quattro

Default

i feel sick
2.5 Blue Roo is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
days like today... makes me proud to own a subaru awd. SQC120 Tri-State Area Forum 16 03-19-2007 06:02 PM
So yea...nobody likes me or my tickets on Ebay... Remy E. LeBeau Off-Topic 4 09-13-2005 09:11 PM
No one makes me bleed my own blood! Georgethefierce Off-Topic 68 12-17-2004 03:44 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:51 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Powered by Searchlight © 2014 Axivo Inc.
Copyright ©1999 - 2014, North American Subaru Impreza Owners Club, Inc.