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Old 08-30-2006, 03:30 PM   #1
Asinine
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Join Date: Feb 2004
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Location: I beat up big rocks
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with paddles.

Thumbs down Oh God, I almost lost my s*** during our August birthday celebration...

The scene: 14-16 coworkers in a conference room enjoying delicious strawberry shortcake and tirimisu cake for the August birthdays.

The lowdown: From across the crowded room, a female coworker asks me what I got for my birthday...

Me: "My wife got me the most masculine gifts you can imagine! I got camping gear, all kinds of tools for the grill including a brand to brand my initials onto my steaks and burgers..."
Her: "And a Hummer!"
Me: HEAD ASPLODE
Room: *goes quiet*
Me: Yeah, that'll make you feel like a man! . . . a big truck!

I literally had to bite me inner lip like a rabid dog to keep myself from giggling like a schoolgirl. I think I might have drawn blood.
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Old 08-30-2006, 03:31 PM   #2
Jard
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and DADCORE

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Freudian slip if I've ever heard of one.

So slip her your meat.

I mean, have sex with her.

I mean, seriously, put your wee wee in her hoo hoo.
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Old 08-30-2006, 03:32 PM   #3
ZMANNH25rs
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. Truth is a
pathless land...

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Sue the company for sexual harassment and make millions...
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Old 08-30-2006, 03:32 PM   #4
Johnny Knoxville
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you got a hummer from the tranny didnt you...
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Old 08-30-2006, 03:32 PM   #5
3gp
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whitey

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take pics of you banging her in the hummer plzokthx
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Old 08-30-2006, 03:32 PM   #6
probably
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you should have skull ****ed that stupid bitch
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Old 08-30-2006, 03:33 PM   #7
limestoner
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slow.

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ttiwwop
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Old 08-30-2006, 03:33 PM   #8
martel
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2012 frontier
2014 Leaf

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I say you nuke the site from orbit.
It's the only way to be sure her stupid doesn't spread.
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Old 08-30-2006, 03:33 PM   #9
Grap
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Your co-worker gave you a blow job and you've kept it from OT?

*uncontrollable sobbing*
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Old 08-30-2006, 03:33 PM   #10
sorbee711
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You should have said "Thanks I'd love one" and whipped it out.
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Old 08-30-2006, 03:33 PM   #11
aod
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I bet you felt about 3" tall with the anticipation bearing down on you.
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Old 08-30-2006, 03:33 PM   #12
Fresh Groovin'
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jard View Post
I mean, seriously, put your wee wee in her hoo hoo.
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Old 08-30-2006, 03:35 PM   #13
mms4ba
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See, this is the crappy type of situation where if you had laughed like a schoolgirl, you are the one with your head in the gutter.

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Old 08-30-2006, 03:37 PM   #14
Asinine
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with paddles.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by mms4ba View Post
See, this is the crappy type of situation where if you had laughed like a schoolgirl, you are the one with your head in the gutter.

I know! But the fact that the room went quiet meant EVERYONE was on the same page!
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Old 08-30-2006, 03:38 PM   #15
merilee
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mms4ba View Post
See, this is the crappy type of situation where if you had laughed like a schoolgirl, you are the one with your head in the gutter.

What's wrong about laughing like a schoolgirl, huh? Do you have something against schoolgirls?
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Old 08-30-2006, 03:38 PM   #16
Joe Boxer
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** Memoirs of a
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Quote:
Originally Posted by merilee View Post
What's wrong about laughing like a schoolgirl, huh? Do you have something against schoolgirls?
tittywop
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Old 08-30-2006, 03:39 PM   #17
MidnightSti05
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Asinine View Post
Her: "And a Hummer!"
Me: HEAD ASPLODE
I can just imagine the look on your face...
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Old 08-30-2006, 03:41 PM   #18
Georgethefierce
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Quote:
Originally Posted by merilee View Post
What's wrong about laughing like a schoolgirl, huh? Do you have something against schoolgirls?
nope




I love them
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Old 08-30-2006, 03:42 PM   #19
indelible
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SWP

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i saw a civic yesterday with an H2 badge, messican girls
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Old 08-30-2006, 03:42 PM   #20
super-ru
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Asinine View Post
Me: "My wife got me the most masculine gifts you can imagine! I got camping gear, all kinds of tools for the grill including a brand to brand my initials onto my steaks and burgers..."
Holy ****! I know what I'm going to tell my gf to get me for my birthday!!!
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Old 08-30-2006, 03:43 PM   #21
Asinine
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Location: I beat up big rocks
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with paddles.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by super-ru View Post
Holy ****! I know what I'm going to tell my gf to get me for my birthday!!!
She ordered it direct from a brand maker in Texas through Williams Sonoma.
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Old 08-30-2006, 03:47 PM   #22
aod
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Quote:
Originally Posted by super-ru View Post
Holy ****! I know what I'm going to tell my gf to get me for my birthday!!!
http://www.steakbranding.com/

They had the guy who owns the company on a BBQ show on Food channel. He was grilling on a BGE, so he must know what he is doing.
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Old 08-30-2006, 03:47 PM   #23
wonkothesane26
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Pockmarked/dented silver.

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Wow, I didn't even get a card from my co-workers, you got a hummer.
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Old 08-30-2006, 03:52 PM   #24
PhatheadWRX
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they stay the same
age

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Quote:
Originally Posted by aod View Post
http://www.steakbranding.com/

They had the guy who owns the company on a BBQ show on Food channel. He was grilling on a BGE, so he must know what he is doing.
GREAT GIFT! I just got one as a groomsman gift. Not the smartest thing to give 10 of your drunkest friends. The first thing we decided was to brand the bridesmaids.

Works great on steaks, too!
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