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Old 10-25-2006, 12:45 PM   #1
Konvict
Scooby Specialist
 
Member#: 45615
Join Date: Oct 2003
Chapter/Region: AKIC
Location: Fairbanks, AK
Vehicle:
2005 Ford Mustang
Redfire

Default You know you're a ricer if . . . (repost)

Some of these are pretty damn funny. Make sure you post which apply to you!!!


You have more exhaust decibels than your engine has horsepower.

You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear wheels.

Your engine makes twice as much horsepower as torque.
17" rims up front, 13" out back on your FWD.

You ever painted your wheels to match the same color of your car.

You put your automatic car in neutral at every stoplight in order to roll it back and try to fool other people into thinking you have a manual transmission

DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking for.

Your mod list includes stereo equipment, shifter handle, MOMO steering wheel, PIA driving lights, exhaust tip, but no REAL engine parts.

A chameleon lizard undergoes fewer shade changes than your custom paint scheme.

Your rims and tires are so large, that you have to install the tire / wheel from underneath the car because it simply won't fit in the wheel well going in from the side.

The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service under warranty, and you've only had it 6 months...

Your tires / rims stick out from the lip of your car by more than 1."

Your paint job is from the WRONG end of the color spectrum.

You installed spacers on your STOCK wheels and tires to get them to stick out past the fender.

You see cars like yours in a Shriner's Parade for Children and clowns are driving them.

You bring an empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system.

Your Eclipse GS-T hardtop has a "SPYDER" emblem on the rear...

Your sum knowledge of suspension is: "the more negative camber, the better the handling."

You push your car through the staging lanes. That way, maybe you can break into the 16s by keeping the motor cool between runs.

You add a super tall rear wing, and a hundred pounds of aftermarket ground effects, neon and stereo yet you gut the interior and yank out the rear seat for weight savings.

Your rear wing AND your rear window have a third mount brake light...

The back lighting in the gauges in your A-pillar gauge pod work long before the actual gauges are hooked up.

You cut 4 coil springs and scrape the chassis on the ground.

Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!

You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a parking lot.

You install clear corner and brake lights.

You install colored bulbs in your aftermarket clear lenses.

You ever put neon on the bottom of your car, and then busted it on the first speed bump you went over.

You painted the UNDERBODY of your car to match

If your rear spoiler is taller then you are.

if you can fit fist **** your exhaust tip

You have more stereo WATTS than engine TORQUE!

If your tailpipe extension is the most expensive mod you’ve done to your engine yet.

Your tailpipe extension fell off during a quarter mile race and you went three tenths of a second faster due to weight savings.

EVERY car in your class has a turbo pushing double digits worth of boost.

You spent $5,000 on the engine and you can not out run a stock Camaro, Firebird, or Mustang

You want the 'wastegate' sound, but don't want to install a turbocharger system.

You think Nitrous Oxide on your Hyundai Sonata puts you in the same performance league as a Chevy Corvette.

The automatic version of your car runs 2 seconds slower in the 1/4mile.

If the 1970 Plymouth Daytona Superbird has a smaller spoiler than your car does.

You think the Del Sol is a sports car...

A torque converter does NOTHING for your car.

You think a deep farty noise = the sound of high performance

If you think that horsepower is far more important than torque

If you have ever claimed that switching to a cone filter has given you more than 5 HP.

If you have ever considered installing more than one set of fog / driving lights.

If you claim that the aftermarket cold air intake system you just installed doubled your horsepower or took 2 or more seconds off
of your E/T.

Your baseball cap is always on backwards when you drive (the first sign of mental retardation, wearing your clothes backwards... BE).

You spent all night on the Internet trying to find a company that makes a turbocharger system for your Hyundai...

If you removed your side view mirrors and put them at the TOP of the door / window frame.

If you think the Fugees are 'speed' music.

MOMO is 'absolutely required' to go fast.

Your four cylinder has a dual exhaust system installed.

Your four cylinder has four exhaust pipes ("Hey, one for each cylinder!")

The color of your interior upholstery hurts the cones and rods in other people's eyes.

If you cannot drive your car in snow as the ground effects create a plow effect.

If you have installed driving lights to compensate for headlight blackouts / tape.

If you think that 180 horsepower and 185 lb/ft of torque are impressive for a ‘mildly’ modified engine.

If you have stickers on your car for parts that you could not point out if asked where those parts are installed.

You think pushrods are a bad thing…

Your car has more decals than you do the quarter in seconds.

Every Honda you EVER owned, all the way back to your 1978

Accord was either a V-Tec or a TYPE-R.

You took your rear seat out and gutted your interior for weight savings but you installed 400 pounds of electronics, neon, DVD, Sony, etc.

If you gutted the interior to save weight on a car that you will never take to the track…

You lean your seat so far back when you are driving, that every time you hit a bump, its your back and not your butt that hurts.

You have hydraulics and sixteen switches on a car you claim runs low 10s on the street and corners better than a Porsche.

If you can estimate that your car makes more than 250 HP without ever running it at the track or getting a dyno reading.

You claim that you can get a titanium block for your engine.

If you have ever thought Hyundai and "performance" went hand in hand

If you've ever gone to a parts shop or speed warehouse and asked for a 1" to 6" exhaust adapter...

If you've ever contemplated adding "TYPE-R" stickers to your Sonata…

If you've removed more than 1/2 of the coils from your springs by cutting them yourself ...

If you have more neon lights on your car than a strip club...

You put Kanji on your Ford ZX2, Ford Probe, or Mercury Cougar ...

You own a "TYPE-R" Hyundai or Mazda.

You couldn't afford headlight masking, so you just painted them with flat black Krylon and it's peeling. Badly.

You claim that polishing your intake gave you 5hp.

You own a V-TEC Hyundai or Mazda (especially a V-TEC rotary engined Mazda RX-7)

You have neon INSIDE your car or in your ENGINE compartment

You ever claimed that high gas mileage made your car superior in performance to V8s.

If it takes you 8000rpm to reach 30mph from a dead stop at WOT.

You think yellow plastic interior trim makes your car cool
You spend $500 for a giant hand welded tube for a muffler with
the weld marks extremely visible

If you paint your drum brakes to simulate Hi-po calipers

If you install fake hi-po caliper / disc simulators

You have a front wing.

If you lower your car and add ground effects but retain the stock 14inch wheels with disc style wheel covers

If you equate the sound of performance with the sound of a Weed Eater™

If you think bolting a fake muffler to one side to simulate dual exhaust is cool

If you think colored head lights work better

Clear tail lights and turn signals. They’re colored for a REASON!

If you take mom's 4 door Honda accord and do any kind of mod to it

You drive a Ford Escort station wagon with Kanji, wide tires, and
Limp Bizkit stickers on the rear hatch

You claim you lost the race because you had a passenger in the car.

You claim how if you went from a roll you would have beat him.

You claim you lost because you missed a shift... and your car is an automatic.

You claim you lost because he must have been on the juice..

Flying past the person who is 10 car lengths in front of you after they have put on their brakes.. and claim a victory.
after losing you flip your opponent off... rev your motor and fail to break the wheels loose even around a corner.

Tell everyone about how you lost the cop because of your "driving skills."
you are a white kid driving an import.. wear baggy pants/hat turned around, walk with a fake limp and end every sentence with "yew know wha I'm sayin? Relate."

Your idea of aiming a handgun is raising your arm over your head, pointing the gun away from you, and then just letting your wrist fall to the side to where the gun is almost sideways ...
drive around in a $20,000 import with $10,000 in mods.. and still live with your parents.

You can relate to every line of the song "Pretty Fly For A White Guy" by the Offspring
you take offense when I say.. "your sister is like your car.. small, tight and hard to get into."

You are a skinny, backwards hat wearing, dog chain wallet, 2 ft wide pants leg, Limp Bizkit looking white boy *** with a badly applied peroxide hair color treatment and temporary rub-on tattoos!

You've spent more on graphics and decals than you have in gas, for the whole year

You sound like you're going 90, but you're creeping past 25

You upgraded to the "big bore" 2 inch exhaust

You lose 2 mpg by installing a body kit

Your wing is so large that if you go faster than 65, your bumper drags

You think "displacement" is something that happens to homeless people

Yugo's give you a run for the money

You continuously run red lights because they are invisible thru your red window tint

15's are considered HUGE rims

You can reach back and defrost the rear window by hand

You will race anyone, anytime, and already know that you will lose

You think Moby is one of the greatest composers of our time

You spend all your money pimping it out because spending money to make it faster is a waste

Your little sister is the only one impressed with your car

When you win a race, you don't really win, it's just that the other guy felt soooo sorry for you

You think your mom's Corolla is fast

The cross section of your exhaust tip is bigger than the contact patch of your tires

Your aftermarket tach is bigger than your fist

You bought the big ass tach to try to scare off the fast cars

But all it does is let people know how hard you have to push it to exceed the legal speed limit

You rev on school busses

Hell, you rev on people in electric wheelchairs

You buy and install custom rims a pair at a time

YOU REALIZE THAT ALL OF THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND YOU STILL THINK YOU'RE COOL!!!

You've entered a 12 step program called "How to come to terms with your limitations"

The bill of your hat gets caught when you roll the window up

You really want to kick my ass right now

You cut 2" holes in your rear bumper and don't know what they're for

You cut 2" holes in your rear bumper and DO know what they're for

You go to the auto paint store and pick out the most retina burning color you can find

You buy race gas to drop you from 17.02 to 16.9 in the quarter, and then tell all your friends how fast you went

You add a second battery to power all the neon, and the mini disco ball

You add a wing on TOP of your car, 'cause wagons need down force too

You've ever painted bare, raw fiberglass black and said "Look! It's just like carbon fiber!"

You get pimped out props from the mini truck crowd

You still only get dates from high school girls

You actually own a pair of light up glasses from Checker Auto

When you install your super phat wing, you put the pointy ends up

You purchase and install a body kit, one piece at a time

You saw the "Rice Boy" magazine in the back of Sport Compact, and inquired about a subscription

Your brother is pissed cause you stole the muffler off his dirt bike (it was a direct fit!)

Your dad is worried cause you bought a car with less displacement than his lawnmower
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Old 10-25-2006, 01:06 PM   #2
Mavrik
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Member#: 90347
Join Date: Jul 2005
Chapter/Region: AKIC
Location: Anchorage AK
Vehicle:
2013 BRZ & Imp 2.5RS
Yamaha FZ8

Default

haha thats a good collection.
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Old 10-25-2006, 01:20 PM   #3
WRXAK
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Member#: 85213
Join Date: Apr 2005
Chapter/Region: AKIC
Location: Fairbanks, AK
Vehicle:
2003 WRX
VF-22

Default

UMMM.........


Push rods are bad.





JP
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Old 10-25-2006, 01:22 PM   #4
SQUAD_907
Totally Biased
Moderator
 
Member#: 10104
Join Date: Sep 2001
Chapter/Region: AKIC
Location: 907
Vehicle:
WOW! JUST WOW!
I make posts disappear

Default

so i'm a ricer! so what!
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Old 10-25-2006, 02:45 PM   #5
Mavrik
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Member#: 90347
Join Date: Jul 2005
Chapter/Region: AKIC
Location: Anchorage AK
Vehicle:
2013 BRZ & Imp 2.5RS
Yamaha FZ8

Default

I think we all have a little ricer in us.

My exhaust is loud... Hope's headlights are cleared...
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Old 10-25-2006, 03:03 PM   #6
Minimaul
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Member#: 116296
Join Date: May 2006
Chapter/Region: AKIC
Location: Hoth
Vehicle:
1997 M3
Black

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Konvict View Post
Some of these are pretty damn funny. Make sure you post which apply to you!!!

you ever painted your wheels to match the same color of your car.

You install clear corner and brake lights.

You install colored bulbs in your aftermarket clear lenses.


The automatic version of your car runs 2 seconds slower in the 1/4mile.

If you think that 180 horsepower and 185 lb/ft of torque are impressive for a ‘mildly’ modified engine.
Clear tail lights and turn signals. They’re colored for a REASON!

You can reach back and defrost the rear window by hand

Your little sister is the only one impressed with your car

I was contemplating getting black rims--while not color matched, the color will match my 'theme'. Is having a theme for your car ricey?

No clear corners... I went with smoked! Although I don't think I'll do my tails. I'm quite fond of the stock ones.

I have red LEDs in my fender(blinker) and bumper(parking) lights---which have smoked lenses.

I'm not sure on the automatic times of my car. but I think they are close.

My car DOES have 180hp and 180 torque! yeah, just call me "STI Killer"

hatchbacks for the win!

i'm an only child, but, my mom is impressed with my car. too bad she tells people that I "have the cutest little Jetta" :REALMAD: !

I'm rice! Yay!
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Old 10-25-2006, 03:31 PM   #7
Danfd
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Member#: 120621
Join Date: Jul 2006
Chapter/Region: AKIC
Location: Eagle River, AK
Vehicle:
2002 wrx wagon
silver

Default

I actually like rims that are the same color as the car. Chrome is ugly.
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Old 10-25-2006, 04:22 PM   #8
redl1newrx
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Member#: 121977
Join Date: Aug 2006
Chapter/Region: AKIC
Location: Ak
Vehicle:
2009 Impreza2.5i
SWP

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Konvict View Post
You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear wheels.
actually, it's the other way around...well for the hondas...
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Old 10-25-2006, 06:23 PM   #9
EvolvedAK
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Member#: 100354
Join Date: Nov 2005
Chapter/Region: AKIC
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Vehicle:
2002 Chevy2DLevee
AKLGT's Living Accessory

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redl1newrx View Post
actually, it's the other way around...well for the hondas...
I was thinking the same thing. I keep seeing this retarded hatch with big chrome wheels in the rear and small stock wheels in the front.
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Old 10-25-2006, 06:32 PM   #10
02redwagone
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Member#: 87067
Join Date: May 2005
Chapter/Region: AKIC
Location: Oregon Coast/AK
Vehicle:
02 Old but tasty
SRP

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by brian_i View Post
I was thinking the same thing. I keep seeing this retarded hatch with big chrome wheels in the rear and small stock wheels in the front.
Good for a laugh every friday night. 17 inches in the back 13 inch steelies in the front. WTF
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Old 10-25-2006, 06:33 PM   #11
EvolvedAK
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Member#: 100354
Join Date: Nov 2005
Chapter/Region: AKIC
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Vehicle:
2002 Chevy2DLevee
AKLGT's Living Accessory

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by 02redwagone View Post
Good for a laugh every friday night. 17 inches in the back 13 inch steelies in the front. WTF
I know... wtf... the crap they put on is just speechless... do they have no common sense?? honestly!!
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Old 10-25-2006, 06:42 PM   #12
MikeyMike
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Member#: 112401
Join Date: Apr 2006
Chapter/Region: AKIC
Location: Avon Lake, OH
Vehicle:
2012 Chevy
Cruze Eco Turbo

Default

i hate hondas~!! Thats my $.02
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Old 10-25-2006, 06:55 PM   #13
cooparu
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Member#: 67767
Join Date: Aug 2004
Chapter/Region: NWIC
Location: Boise, ID
Vehicle:
2010 WRX
Red

Default

The Honda in my driveway will have same sized rims front and rear. And no baked bean exhaust.
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Old 10-25-2006, 07:00 PM   #14
joecerv
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Member#: 110459
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somewhere in the DFW area
Vehicle:
2006 Impreza 2.5i
Steel gray metallic

Default

Man, I will finish reading the list tomorrow, I got to get home.

It was the best reading of the day.
More fun tomorrow....
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Old 10-25-2006, 08:21 PM   #15
WRXAK
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Member#: 85213
Join Date: Apr 2005
Chapter/Region: AKIC
Location: Fairbanks, AK
Vehicle:
2003 WRX
VF-22

Default

I like honda's. I just see way to many up here that are obviously owned be people who know nothing about motorsports.



JP
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Old 10-25-2006, 08:24 PM   #16
EvolvedAK
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Chapter/Region: AKIC
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Vehicle:
2002 Chevy2DLevee
AKLGT's Living Accessory

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by WRXAK View Post
I like honda's. I just see way to many up here that are obviously owned be people who know nothing about motorsports.



JP
Well said.
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Old 10-25-2006, 08:29 PM   #17
subydaddy
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Member#: 95977
Join Date: Sep 2005
Chapter/Region: AKIC
Location: Wasilla
Vehicle:
92 Leggy

Default

"Your rear wing AND your rear window have a third mount brake light..."

My car came from the dealership this way.

Oh well, there's plenty more rice on her now
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Old 10-25-2006, 08:43 PM   #18
OrionAK
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Member#: 28019
Join Date: Oct 2002
Chapter/Region: AKIC
Location: Alaska
Vehicle:
2006 Forester XT
Crystal Grey Metallic

Default

^^^Same here...I actually disconected the window one on my WRX for this reason.
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Old 10-25-2006, 08:49 PM   #19
EvolvedAK
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Member#: 100354
Join Date: Nov 2005
Chapter/Region: AKIC
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Vehicle:
2002 Chevy2DLevee
AKLGT's Living Accessory

Default

Id rather have it. It's another way to tell the idotic drivers in AK to STOP! The more bright red shiny lights they see. The better.
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Old 10-25-2006, 08:52 PM   #20
03bluwrx
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Member#: 121858
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Location: Panhandle, FL
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13 STI
ISM

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Quote:
Originally Posted by brian_i View Post
Id rather have it. It's another way to tell the idotic drivers in AK to STOP! The more bright red shiny lights they see. The better.
sad thing is... it STILL doesnt seem to work :/
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Old 10-25-2006, 10:09 PM   #21
AKSubie
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Location: Wasilly
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92 Corrado SLC
www.motorsportsalaska.com

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Quote:
Originally Posted by OrionAK View Post
^^^Same here...I actually disconected the window one on my WRX for this reason.
Ditto.
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Old 10-25-2006, 10:11 PM   #22
AKSubie
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Join Date: Apr 2001
Chapter/Region: AKIC
Location: Wasilly
Vehicle:
92 Corrado SLC
www.motorsportsalaska.com

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by 03bluwrx View Post
sad thing is... it STILL doesnt seem to work :/
Yaaa, the lemming drivers of AK are their own animal. Seems other states I have been to people have better behind the wheel skills per capita then here. Love the morning commute and the "oh snap, sweeping curve!! STOP!!"
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Old 10-25-2006, 10:23 PM   #23
OrionAK
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Member#: 28019
Join Date: Oct 2002
Chapter/Region: AKIC
Location: Alaska
Vehicle:
2006 Forester XT
Crystal Grey Metallic

Default

Thank the military and other transplants, not the natural-borns.
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Old 10-25-2006, 11:06 PM   #24
WRXAK
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Member#: 85213
Join Date: Apr 2005
Chapter/Region: AKIC
Location: Fairbanks, AK
Vehicle:
2003 WRX
VF-22

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by OrionAK View Post
Thank the military and other transplants, not the natural-borns.
Agreed, alaskan drivers have spent plenty of time behind the wheel in worse conditions then most people will ever see.




JP
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Old 10-26-2006, 12:59 AM   #25
GrinderAK
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Member#: 87551
Join Date: May 2005
Chapter/Region: AKIC
Location: Anchorage, AK
Vehicle:
97 OBS, 01 RS
2014 SWP FXT

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Quote:
Originally Posted by OrionAK View Post
Thank the military and other transplants, not the natural-borns.
+12345 amen
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