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Old 11-13-2007, 02:20 PM   #1
Asinine
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Lightbulb What do we want? BETTER PROTEST CHANTS! When do we want it? NOW! (An open letter)

Dear Protesters,

I can empathize. You're angry, aggravated, and fed up. You're not going to stand idly by while those jokers do or do not do what they are or are not doing. I get it--believe me. You've got to make your voice heard. But your indignation is no excuse for creative apathy.

I'm talking to you, striking UAW members, striking writers guild members, Jena Six supporters. Do you know why the catchy chants of yester-year were used? Well, the answer is in the question... because they were catchy! But nothing is catchy forever. And frankly, those tired chants need to be retired.

After the first ten or twelve seconds, we know what you want--and we know you want it now. But then we get bored, and cease to care. That's not exactly helpful to your cause, is it? Instead might I suggest the following twists to an old favorite, sure to liven up your next rally--and get the attention your cause needs!

"What do we want?"
<insert objective here>
"Who's cars are we going to burn to the ground if we don't get it?"
<insert perceived enemy here>

I like that one for civil rights causes. It really brings back the nostalgia of Rodney King-era Los Angeles.

"¿Que quieres?"
<pick one: drivers licenses, my grandmother still in Guatemala, a permanent day-laborer shelter at the Home Depot>
"Dondé quieres?"
"Ahora... o manana. No me importa."

That one is all the rage these days!

Another old stand-by is also terribly problematic. Hey hey! Ho ho! Such-and-such has go to go! Honestly, you shouldn't predicate your position on a rhyme. Sure, it helps people remember your cause sometimes--but it's not terribly persuasive. If Roosevelt had gotten up in front of Congress, pounded his fist on the podium and said, "Hey hey! Ho ho! The yellow manace has got to go!" they'd still be cleaning up after the Oktober Fest celebrations in Paris. Nursery rhymes are out. Again, allow me to suggest a few alternatives.

"Hey hey! Rah rah! Seriously, if you don't start paying attention to us we're going to start smashing some windows!"

or...

"Hey hey! Lookie lookie! The fact is, we have been practicing not working since the Pinto was on showroom floors, and we can make this strike last longer than a Peter North money shot!"

or perhaps...

"Hey hey! Wakka wakka! The networks have four hundred hours of Moesha reruns ready to roll. Ball's in your court, bitches!"

So, dear protesters and strikers, I hope that you'll consider my suggestions--and I wish you all the best on the picket line.

Hey Hey,
I'm out.
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Last edited by Asinine; 11-13-2007 at 02:44 PM.
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Old 11-13-2007, 02:22 PM   #2
under pressure
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im interested to see where this one goes.
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Old 11-13-2007, 02:23 PM   #3
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As am I.
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Old 11-13-2007, 02:23 PM   #4
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Is the salad attacking?
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Old 11-13-2007, 02:27 PM   #5
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Quote:
"Hey hey! Lookie lookie! The fact is, we have been practicing not working since the Pinto was on showroom floors, and we can make this strike last longer than a Peter North money shot!"
i lol'd
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Old 11-13-2007, 02:29 PM   #6
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How about:

"If you don't use union labor, we'll park this 15-ft diseased rodent in front of your building."



I love how they use the rat to villify their opponents, when being in a union (and striking for one) is the ultimate way of saying "that's OUR cheese"
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Old 11-13-2007, 02:35 PM   #7
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I like my protest in the form of song:

Don't you remember when you told me you killed your baby!
you said you'd be coming back this way without a baby
baby baby baby baby oh baby
I don't want you....
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Old 11-13-2007, 02:40 PM   #8
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No yore roll and shut you're mouth?
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Old 11-13-2007, 02:44 PM   #9
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Forget the chants we need better protests!

http://www.thelocal.se/9078/
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Old 11-13-2007, 02:45 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CameyDeuce View Post
No yore roll and shut you're mouth?
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Old 11-13-2007, 02:46 PM   #11
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"We write the story-a for Eva Longoria!"
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Old 11-13-2007, 02:49 PM   #12
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What don't we eat??
MEAT!!
Why don't we eat it??
It's MURDER!!!

Come on...that was way more than 100 pounds.
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Old 11-13-2007, 02:52 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cwb124 View Post
What don't we eat??
MEAT!!
Why don't we eat it??
It's MURDER!!!

Come on...that was way more than 100 pounds.
Thats what I thought of first when I saw this thread
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Old 11-13-2007, 02:55 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by preach View Post
Forget the chants we need better protests!

http://www.thelocal.se/9078/
Amen!
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Old 11-13-2007, 02:59 PM   #15
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Old 11-13-2007, 03:02 PM   #16
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Asi9, you failed in high school Spanish, didn't you?

What do we want?

Where do we want it?
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Old 11-13-2007, 03:02 PM   #17
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^ not much meat on that one anywhere
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Old 11-13-2007, 03:03 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WRX300 View Post
^ not much meat on that one anywhere
And the breasts are mislabeled.
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Old 11-13-2007, 03:09 PM   #19
Asinine
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crowbar View Post
Asi9, you failed in high school Spanish, didn't you?

What do we want?

Where do we want it?
I think I eeked out a C.

Ummm, quien?
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Old 11-13-2007, 03:36 PM   #20
CameyDeuce
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cwb124 View Post
What don't we eat??
MEAT!!
Why don't we eat it??
It's MURDER!!!

Come on...that was way more than 100 pounds.
Hey Hey! Ho Ho! This penis party's got to go!
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Old 11-13-2007, 09:23 PM   #21
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!Asine!
!Conformista!
!Eres un Facista!
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Old 11-14-2007, 12:39 AM   #22
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On the subject of pointless protests.....

http://www.ktva.com/topstory/ci_7408111

Alaska has a "kinda big" fishing industry.
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Old 11-14-2007, 08:11 AM   #23
Asinine
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Quote:
Originally Posted by soldmyboxster View Post
On the subject of pointless protests.....

http://www.ktva.com/topstory/ci_7408111

Alaska has a "kinda big" fishing industry.
Hey hey! Ho ho! Omega-3 fatty acids have got to go!
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Old 11-14-2007, 08:14 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Asinine View Post
Hey hey! Ho ho! Omega-3 fatty acids have got to go!
Hey hey! My penis is flaccid! All because of Omega-3 fatty acids!
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Old 11-14-2007, 08:35 AM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by El Camino View Post
Hey hey! My penis is flaccid! All because of Omega-3 fatty acids!
At least you and Sharky get it.
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