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Old 07-29-2009, 03:13 PM   #1
Hamsterstyle
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Default Just about the most awful thing I've ever said.

Let me first say it was not at all intentional.

I'm at band practice last night, we're goofing around, being dumbasses, etc. My bassist starts making this really dumb "hurr-durr" sound and I say, "Jesus dude, it sounds like you're having aneurysm." And then immediately froze after I said it.

Yeah...his sister died from a brain aneurysm last year. I don't know that I've ever felt so terrible about saying something in my life, even though it was completely unintentional. And to top it off, it was towards the end of practice when we record everything we've worked on that night, so my saying it and reaction can be relived forever. Luckily he understood I didn't mean to say it, but I still felt awful.


So here's your chance to make me feel better by telling a story about a time you crammed your entire foot down your throat with no possible chance to redeem yourself.
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:15 PM   #2
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So, yeah, my g/f, her sister, and her sister's boyfriend were over having dinner at our place, and my g/f starts complaining of a headache. So I say, "Don't worry, honey, it's probably just a brain tumor."





*silence*



Turns out the sister's boyfriend just lost his brother to brain cancer the previous week.





<----------- Crawls in hole and dies.
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:16 PM   #3
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:17 PM   #4
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I dropped a nonchalant Jew comment this weekend and then realized this guy I didn't know at my table (friend of a friend) looked like he may have very well been Jewish... When we left, I asked my friend if he was a Jew, and he didn't know. But everyone but him at the table laughed at the joke...
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:18 PM   #5
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It's the internet. We're supposed to lie about our own mistakes and make fun of yours.

If you want sympathy, go to confession. Your soul-baring attempt to alleviate your guilt has failed!
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:18 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Balantz View Post
first
Quote:
Originally Posted by RottenPorcupineSalad View Post
Cool story brah.
And we're 2/2 on played out, tired responses that everyone is sick to death of.


With two ninja edits.
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:18 PM   #7
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You are a vagina.


Get some balls and stand by your insults.
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:19 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hamsterstyle View Post
And we're 2/2 on played out, tired responses that everyone is sick to death of.
read it again, funny man.
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:19 PM   #9
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Summer after my freshman year in college, I was over at a friend's house with several other people when one of the girls pulled out an ultrasound (fetal) and passed it to my friend. Now, we're all 18 or 19, so I jokingly said, "I hope that's not yours! Ha ha!" It was.

Then fast forward several years, I was talking to an unwed mother I worked with about how her neighbors were really nosey and she thought they were trying to listen through the thin walls between the apartments. I told her she should pretend to mercilessly beat her young son and see if they called the cops. Then I did a little choking pantomine and said something like, "You miserable little bastard! I'll..." and then realized what I said. Ouch.
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:19 PM   #10
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Busted your own ninja, foo.
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:19 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hamsterstyle View Post
Let me first say it was not at all intentional.

I'm at band practice last night, we're goofing around, being dumbasses, etc. My bassist starts making this really dumb "hurr-durr" sound and I say, "Jesus dude, it sounds like you're having aneurysm." And then immediately froze after I said it.

Yeah...his sister died from a brain aneurysm last year. I don't know that I've ever felt so terrible about saying something in my life, even though it was completely unintentional. And to top it off, it was towards the end of practice when we record everything we've worked on that night, so my saying it and reaction can be relived forever. Luckily he understood I didn't mean to say it, but I still felt awful.


So here's your chance to make me feel better by telling a story about a time you crammed your entire foot down your throat with no possible chance to redeem yourself.
Classic "open mouth, insert foot" moment. Been there, done that.

Fortunately, your friend understood the context and did view it as 'personal'.

I'm glad it worked out ok for you and no friendships were damaged/lost!!
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:20 PM   #12
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this is cliche as balls, but it's true:


friend came over one day after school (jr. high) very down in the dumps, on the verge of tears. i was all "wtf, you look like your mom just died."




she died the night before.
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:21 PM   #13
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I was out for a bike ride with one of my best friends. The mosquitos were brutal so I slapped on some Muskol 95% DEET and said:

"This stuff if really bad for you, but I would rather get cancer than deal with the bugs!"


She had just gotten her hair back from finishing chemotherapy.
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:21 PM   #14
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My most "cringe-worthy" moment wasn't from anything I said, but rather something I did. I decided to take a crap in the handicap stall since the bathroom was empty and there was no one around. Well anyway, the door to the bathroom opens and I see underneath the crack in my stall the bottom half of a wheelchair rim come to rest right outside the one and only handicapped stall, which I am currently occupying. My heart sank.

I then hear the two guys talking. Right outside my door while my pants are around my ankles and I'm dropping a major deuce. The guy pushing the guy in the wheelchair says "Well, looks like this stall is occupied. Guess we gotta get you into one of the other ones." Now I start getting hot and nervous, and begin to sweat.

So they push the wheelchair right up next to the stall door next to mine and I hear the other guy's clothes getting undone and he's pressing his hands against the metal walls, trying to sorta "crab-walk" with his arms backwards so he can come to rest on the toilet next to me.

I'm done now, and trying to decide whether to stay on the toilet and wait it out, or just GTFO. Well, the embarrassment becomes to great and I get up and exit the stall with my head down and back to the two guys. I promptly wash my hands and get the hell outta there while this poor handicapped guy is having to take a crap with the door open.

Unfortunately, I was wearing my Red Robin server's uniform and had to go back to my shift. It was 100% obvious who was the douche using the handicapped stall.

UGH. I want to die just typing it.

EDIT: I realize this isn't a "foot in the mouth" sorta story, but I can assure you the feeling of dread was very similar.
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:22 PM   #15
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As I've grown older, I never use the term "abortion" anymore. There are just too many people who are personally affected by it. I have seen women break down in tears when other people say that word.
It is a very uncomfortable situation when those things happen.
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:22 PM   #16
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I've crammed my foot in my mouth so many times. I wasn't thinking one day and said amongst friends, "You know what AIDS stands for right?" One of my friends pipes up, "Oh, let me guess. Another Infected Dick Sucker? Or how about Anally Inflicted Death Sentence?"

Yeah, her dad passed away a year prior to that from AIDS.

Oh, but my friend just recently said some awful **** to a girl he was dating intentionally. She was pissing him off, so he told her, "You're just a toy to me." Yeah, they don't date anymore. Imagine that!
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:22 PM   #17
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This one time... at band practice...

A guy I used to work with had cancer. He was a really great guy and we became friends. When I left that job, I saw him sparingly... a few times here and there. But I didn't keep in touch like I should have. I swear this guy had the spirit of a giant and I never thought he would die. He was a fighter.

One day, his wife came around our neighborhood compaigning for local office with 2 other running mates. We exchanged pleasantries and I asked her how he was doing. The faces of the 2 guys she was with immediately dropped to the ground. She sort of smiled, but didn't answered right away. "Come on... You know John died." I was ****ing lost. Since I hadn't kept up, I didn't even know. And none of our shared acquaintances had told me. He lived right down the street from me. I felt like the lowest person on Earth at that moment.
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:23 PM   #18
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Not something I said, but a few months ago I was waiting in line at radio shack and the very old couple in front of me was asking the sales guy questions about the battery deal. The old gentleman asks :How long do these stay good on the shelf?: and the sales guy replies "You'll be dead before they go bad." My jaw dropped, but before I could say anything the old gentleman chuckles and bit and says "You're probably right.". I still cannot believe that kid said that.
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:23 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aod View Post
Oh, but my friend just recently said some awful **** to a girl he was dating intentionally. She was pissing him off, so he told her, "You're just a toy to me." Yeah, they don't date anymore. Imagine that!
been down that road. makes you feel great and s***ty all at once!
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:24 PM   #20
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From Ban25:

Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteKnight View Post
A funny story to help you through this...



A few years back I was dating an anorexic chic (pic in T&A), anyways we're at a birthday party for a mutual friend. We're all standing around the cake and I've already had wayyy to much to drink.



Her: "Mmmm, I really want a piece of cake, but I don't know if I should"



Me: "Ahh don't worry about it, you can always throw it up latter"



Her:



Everyone else: (room went completly silent)



Me: "Wha... Ohhhhh"







Thankfully after a few drinks even she thought it was funny, the story still gets brought up to this day by my friends as a prime example of why I can't be taken out in public when I drink.
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:26 PM   #21
BurntToACrisp
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While at Disney world, my father-in-law, my kids, and I were all standing in this very long line to see Mickey & Minnie. It was VERY hot and everyone in line was doing their best to stay patient when this one lady has her 5yo son and they walk past all of us like they were cutting the line. My FIL pipes up and made a comment as this lady/son goes walking by us.

the lady turns around and says "my son will be dead from cancer in 3 months. How long does your son have to live??"

Ouch.
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:28 PM   #22
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Close friend was pregnant and I had not seen her in awhile. We all met up one night and I went up to her to give her a hug and told her "congratulations...how are you feeling." She started crying and basically ran away...my other friends had neglected to tell me that she had a miscarriage the week before...****ers...I felt horrible.


Used to work with a guy who had a daughter with Down Syndrome, it was probably the first week or two I was here and we were talking about something stupid that someone did and of course I blurt out "Well if everyone would stop acting like a ****ing retard things like this wouldn't happen..." Needless to say I learned a valuable lesson about using such language. Retard is a word that everyone throws around like it is nothing, but to some people it is incredibly offensive and I never ever say it anymore.

This is just me being a drunken idiot...while in NYC last weekend and pretty drunk, we walked by some smoking hot chick and I mouth puked "I bet your ***** tastes like the end of a rainbow..." ugh...
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:28 PM   #23
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:30 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BurntToACrisp View Post
While at Disney world, my father-in-law, my kids, and I were all standing in this very long line to see Mickey & Minnie. It was VERY hot and everyone in line was doing their best to stay patient when this one lady has her 5yo son and they walk past all of us like they were cutting the line. My FIL pipes up and made a comment as this lady/son goes walking by us.

the lady turns around and says "my son will be dead from cancer in 3 months. How long does your son have to live??"

Ouch.
Well, alright I guess that excuses her, but how the **** is everyone else supposed to know that?
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:30 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Balantz View Post
Busted your own ninja, foo.
My ninja was in response to your ninja. Ninja!


Your story reminds me of Halloween a few years ago. Everyone is in costume and this guy was there as the boulder from Indiana Jones (his g/f was Indiana Jones). I was there in my banana costume. So I walk up to him as he's talking to a bunch of my friends, put my arm around him and say, "check it out, we're Lance Armstrong." Nobody laughs. My cousin pulls me aside and tells me that the boulder guy had just survived testicular cancer and had to have one of them removed. He ended up taking it well and was just acting pissed off to make me feel bad because he knew there was no way I could know.

Difference with that time and last night was that time, I had no idea. This time, I just royally screwed up.
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