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Old 09-23-2009, 10:59 AM   #1
Sports Wagon
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Member#: 43081
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Think with your Dipstick
Default Another Funny For RJ And Those Who Can Read

The # in parenthasis is the area code from which they came from.



(613): She was blowing me and I farted, she gave me a high five and kept going.



(740): I would plow her like an Amish guy supporting his family



(330): Why did I make a hit list last night containing only McDonald's?
(sent) you tried to order a margarita McFlurry and when they said they didn't make those you tried to call 911.



(831): I just had a conversation with my cat in the shower about pancakes.
We both like them a lot.



(508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? ... (rec'd): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.



(702): I just woke up naked and covered in skittles. Best night ever?



(303): (sent): DUDE! MY MOM GOT TAKEN BY ALIENS! (rec'd): lol wtf? (sent):
don't LOL. its 3am and shes not home. this has NEVER happened! (rec'd): its cool i just got a txt from them saying she'll be home tmro. (sent): UR A F*CKIN LIAR! they cant speak english dumbass! (rec'd): iPhone translation.
there's an app for that.



(215): I got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section.



(401): I just woke up in a tent with this girl, sat there for 15 minutes trying to remember her name, when she woke up she said "Hi, I'm ashley." I think I'm in love!



(330): "I'm textn and bang'n your sister right now, how many points do I get?" Recv'd back: "you mother****er"...Replied: "She's next."



(954): you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now



(570): Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo 'til i google all over your facebook?



(608): She said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"



(303): Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.



(604): you were about to get laid, but on your way to the bedroom you saw a Burger King paper crown. You ditched the girl and pranced around my house yelling "I AM FOOFY, KING OF THE SEALS!"



(919): I just punched a cop in the face while dancing in a parking lot, its ok, it was my stepdad and he bought me more beer cause he said he didn't want to ruin "what looked like a good night"



(970): I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.



(732): You sent me 45 texts saying "meow".



(937): Had sex with a girl and when I was about to cum... I pulled out and shoved it in her mouth... she said...how did you know I liked that...
keeper???



(330): "which is correct, seven and five IS thirteen, or seven and five ARE thirteen?" sent:"Neither, because it's twelve."



(337): She told me that for my birthday, she would get the word "HARDER"
tattooed on her lower back. I love this girl.



(303): I was wondering why the cops were making such a big deal then I realized I was naked



(864): weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.



(316): omg bring my wallet when you come get me tonight. i'm buying a ****ing giraffe.



(781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed



(630): Received: "Who did I **** last night, cuz my bed smells like her perfume. She smells niceeeeee." Sent: "Im still here, just in the living room playing Xbox360. you smell good too."



(703): (recieved) I wish I was a penguin. (sent) Why? (recieved) because then I would look like I'm wearing a tuxedo 100% of the time, and that's classy.



(818): she started singing "eye of the tiger" mid-****...



(248): Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?



(402): This is NO TIME for pants!



(770): I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti.



(304): my dad just found tit marks on my windshield LOL



(775): "before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal."



(970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (rec'd): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.



(303): i found you in the kitchen naked, eating ice cream and ramen, and rapping about being on a boat.



(732): Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...



(352): I just did a guy and his brother. They gave me a bottle of captain and a key to their house. Victory?



(754): I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"



(607): Can you cum for me in a cup, my boyfriend just came on my tits and in my hair, I want to get him back (rec'd) DUDE, i'm his bestfriend, you know how sick that is? (sent) please? (rec'd) come give me a blow job and you can keep what you get out of me. (sent) deal on my way. (rec'd) got a boner already



(401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?



(330): First off: I'm drunk so **** you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: **** 3 Doors Down



(330): Holy **** there are a ton of zombies coming for me. Meet me at taco bell to plan a revenge asap.



(330): Is it just me or do most whores also suffer from narcolepsy?



(330): i was preparing myself to do the alphabet backwards but they didnt make me do it.



(330): dude you missed out last night man, i was soooo hammered but i nailed the hottest bitch ever in the middle of jakes living room while everyone was playing kings (sent): tom said you smoked laced **** and drank the rest of that bottle of tequila and when everyone was plying you got on the table and started jacking off. LOL (recv'd): dude no i would remember that you ****
(sent): tom sent me the video..
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Old 09-23-2009, 11:03 AM   #2
Subr-man
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Location: "Looks like the buster turned
Vehicle:
into a gearhead."
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Default



epic

(770): I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti.


Was this Asher?
(801): I just had a conversation with my cat in the shower about pancakes.
We both like them a lot.

Last edited by Subr-man; 09-23-2009 at 11:13 AM.
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Old 09-23-2009, 11:09 AM   #3
Sports Wagon
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Default

The last one is the best!
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Old 09-23-2009, 11:15 AM   #4
Subr-man
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Chapter/Region: International
Location: "Looks like the buster turned
Vehicle:
into a gearhead."
Goin' Back Old Skool

Default

This one is hilarious and messed up all in one!

(607): Can you cum for me in a cup, my boyfriend just came on my tits and in my hair, I want to get him back (rec'd) DUDE, i'm his bestfriend, you know how sick that is? (sent) please? (rec'd) come give me a blow job and you can keep what you get out of me. (sent) deal on my way. (rec'd) got a boner already
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Old 09-23-2009, 11:31 AM   #5
UT_Evo
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Location: SLC
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2008 STi
Black

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This thread, is full of win.
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Old 09-23-2009, 11:35 AM   #6
Mush04
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Swp

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this is an awesome thread!!!!
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Old 09-23-2009, 12:23 PM   #7
wrxodee
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Chapter/Region: RMIC
Location: UTAH, in the UC
Vehicle:
2ooo 2.5 RS
Black

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wow this is awesome... and sad at the same time. Drugs are great
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Old 09-23-2009, 12:29 PM   #8
medamullet
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I'm on CORN YO!

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I can't read
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Old 09-23-2009, 12:35 PM   #9
Mush04
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Quote:
Originally Posted by medamullet View Post
I can't read
Dang and they let you play with ROCKETS?!?!?!
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Old 09-23-2009, 12:39 PM   #10
PCSkiBum_21
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Location: Park City, UT
Vehicle:
EVO IX - Track Car
BRZ - Daily

Default

(702): she walked in my door and started stripping then said, "what you don't think i'm here to hang out do you?"

(909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

(810): This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
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Old 09-23-2009, 12:44 PM   #11
wrxty
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Location: bountiful, UT
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2002 WRX
WRB

Default

I needed this thread..dull morning at work so far.
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Old 09-23-2009, 12:50 PM   #12
Subr-man
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Vehicle:
into a gearhead."
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Quote:
Originally Posted by medamullet View Post
I can't read
Ignorance, helping me to persuade others my dick is a strawberry lollipop one person at a time.
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Old 09-23-2009, 02:42 PM   #13
PCSkiBum_21
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EVO IX - Track Car
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Default

(404): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
(404-1): i would really appreciate it if you would stop **** blocking me.
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Old 09-23-2009, 02:55 PM   #14
Not-EWRX
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2013 Wrx Hatch
SWP

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This is epic! Need some 801 love though.
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Old 09-23-2009, 03:05 PM   #15
ashergrey
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Location: SLC, UT
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0694 WRXLtd/LegWagon
WRB/Pure White

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What's the source for these?
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Old 09-23-2009, 03:59 PM   #16
Subr-man
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Location: "Looks like the buster turned
Vehicle:
into a gearhead."
Goin' Back Old Skool

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ashergrey View Post
What's the source for these?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Subr-man View Post
(801): I just had a conversation with my cat in the shower about pancakes.
We both like them a lot.

This one was from your Iphone.
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Old 09-23-2009, 04:37 PM   #17
ashergrey
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Location: SLC, UT
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WRB/Pure White

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Subr-man View Post
This one was from your Iphone.
Hey, careful now. I had to take my cat to the vet this morning. She's got the sneezes.
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Old 09-23-2009, 05:04 PM   #18
Subr-man
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Member#: 169211
Join Date: Jan 2008
Chapter/Region: International
Location: "Looks like the buster turned
Vehicle:
into a gearhead."
Goin' Back Old Skool

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she could be allergic to blueberries in the pancakes.
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Old 09-23-2009, 06:02 PM   #19
PCSkiBum_21
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Chapter/Region: RMIC
Location: Park City, UT
Vehicle:
EVO IX - Track Car
BRZ - Daily

Default

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Old 09-23-2009, 06:05 PM   #20
medamullet
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Default

Quote:
(540): LETS GO REDSKINS!
(276): Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
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Old 09-23-2009, 06:14 PM   #21
UT_Evo
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Thanks for posting the site!
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Old 09-24-2009, 12:40 AM   #22
Helmut
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Gold Jerry. I tell you Gold. I have tears from laughing so hard.
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Old 09-24-2009, 12:12 PM   #23
Helmut
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(805): as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
(1-805): uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
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Old 09-24-2009, 12:19 PM   #24
Helmut
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WRB/Dark Grey Metallic

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(443): you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this **** up
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Old 09-24-2009, 12:21 PM   #25
Helmut
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WRB/Dark Grey Metallic

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(740): how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
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