Craigslist: Geo Metro $85 = Funny ad

[bobturismo]

**Warning: Do not read while eating or drinking!**

For sale is a 1995 geo metro hatchback, puke green in color, quarter of a million hard miles, not highway (i drive this thing like the general lee). Mostly used to drive very fast through tight passageways in gilbert and tempe and for street racing. Engine is built for power-3 cylinder 1.0 liters. Always has fresh oil, changed every 500 miles, or whenever it is completely burned/leaked out of the engine. 5 speed manual transmission, more speeds than cylinders, perfect for revving very high and dropping the clutch to take off like a blind geriatric from a stop light. Very fast. Don't let the gay design, 7" wheels, and front wheel drive fool you, this whip will last in a street race. I've personally topped it out at 78 mph on a decline on the interstate while on the run from 4 cops with corvettes. If you're looking for a samaurai from the planet badass that would make Chuck Norris look like a *****, this is it. If it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow at noon-time, this car would look like Tom Selleck.



The good:


-48 hp in factory form (However, its been modified with custom wheels, custom exhaust, custom windshield wipers, custom seats, custom oil, custom hood, custom steering wheel, custom gauges, custom speakers, custom tires, custom antifreeze, custom antenna, custom rear bumper, custom seatbelt, and custom window cranks to ensure that this car is at it's peak condition. I'd estimate that the output is now somewhere around 30hp. All of these custom units were very heavy for this little car.)


-Great gas mileage, i've personally seen 50 mpg when romping the piss out of it and driving through the forest at high speeds by myself. However, whenever the cargo of the car exceeds 180lbs, the mileage drops exponentially. With two normal sized dudes driving in this thing, you might hit 12mpg with a lite foot.


-Looks like a retarded lima bean from a kid's cartoon


-Excellent Sound system (does not have a radio. I've been using a boombox without an antenna that recently broke so i threw it in the backseat with the cockroach infestation that breeds back there.)


-Tires have great tread (amazing considering the countless burnouts and stop-light races this car has been through)


The Bad:


-The roof sucks, its too low for tall people


-Seats are all ripped


-Interior is shot, looks like somebody was negligent during their previous ownership (me without a doubt)


-trash on the floor, smells like new jersey inside


-stereo missing, wires exposed, more than likely the product of a drug deal gone bad


-stains on the carpet. More than likely semen related, but who knows.


-Paint is chipped, tattered, altered, scraped, dented, bruised, peeled, faded, worn, etc. from sun damage and countless slammed doors.


-Penises are always drawn on the rearview window, i don't know who does it, but i'd do it too if i saw this piece of **** teletubby sitting across the street from my house


-Engine leaks oil


-Engine burns oil (never have to change the oil, since it leaks out when it's made it's rounds)


-Original air filter, engine is too greasy and grimey to consider changing it without resembling wesley snipes afterwards.


-Brakes squeak, but thats ok. It attracts attention so people know who to laugh at.


-Tranny grinds into 3rd, and fifth, but thats likely because i dont care enough to use the clutch.


-around 250k miles, but runs like a champ (from the special olympics)



Best investment i ever made. Attracts lots of college girls with self-esteem, daddy, weight, and eyesight issues. Not for the man with a weak stomach, or any boys. This car deserves a manly man. No women, you couldn't possibly appreciate this sex symbol. You can reach me on Mondays from 8am to 9am. The rest of my time is already packed listening to john mayer, railing college girls, ditching classes, and being a boss.


-Jack MeHauff

* Registered users of the site do not see these ads.

[bwrx03]

lmao

[The Satch]

you owe me a keyboard

[shwoop_soobie]

i want it....
i miss my geo so bad
and that guy obviously knows his stuff about geos

[szeny]

is this a real ad? i want to buy the car if its for sale

[02blkwagn19]

funniest thing i have read in a long time!! gotta love those creative CL adds!

[02WRX06STI]

ya i have some tannerite that i can use on this thing if it is for sale...

[desmo750]

I haven't laughed so hard in a while

[06AZREX]

That just made my afternoon.....

[racingfish]

penises always drawn on rear window..... lol. Wheres Dozer????

[ace1234]

HAHAHA thats great!!

[wiresix17]

even my wife laughed at this when I read it to her. she was ready to pee her pants she was laughing so hard at the retarded lima bean part

[soobiewagen]

I pee'd a little. And soda came out my nose at "romping the piss out of it" and I choked on my pizza at "awesome sound system"

[Sanchez:)]

Originally Posted by desmo750

I haven't laughed so hard in a while

couldn't stop laughing !!

[Sanchez:)]

Jack MeHauff!!!!!!

hahaha
guys get it now?

[STi_Scott]

All of this for only $85? When can I pick it up?

[codesoccer]

that was hilarious, I'm gonna buy it and have it shipped here

[All4BeSpinnin]

hahahahaha

[subystone]

funniest thing i've read in so long roflmfao

[shatteringstar]

around 250k miles, but runs like a champ (in the special olympics)

[fourmicah]

Originally Posted by 02WRX06STI

ya i have some tannerite that i can use on this thing if it is for sale...

This is a great idea, I would love to see another video where someone peels the roof back on a perfectly good geo.

[madmax_087]

Originally Posted by Sanchez:)

Jack MeHauff!!!!!!

hahaha
guys get it now?

yeap, got it, and got when Farley said it too...