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Old 07-10-2000, 06:38 AM   #1
chillN 2.5RS
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Cool sick man sick


hey this post is for some cool azz jokes i got via email... just thought id share cause i got nothing better to do... if you got some post the bastards its all good. i am hoping to start a trend since you all like a good laugh
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Old 07-10-2000, 06:42 AM   #2
chillN 2.5RS
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Top 10 Ways to Avoid being RAPED in JAIL!

11. First and foremost: Don't ever drop the soap!

10. If possible, plan ahead. Eat your Wheaties and work out like crazy BEFORE you go to jail!

9. Keep your lips dry and chapped, so no one can accuse you of having "a purdy mouth."

8. In the yard, while everyone is watching, practice crushing steel bolts with your anus.

7. If asked, always respond: "I don't actually have AIDS, itself, per se..."

6. Cram your rectum full of broken bottles, used syringes and razor blades.

5. Say: "Sorry. No boom-boom with soul brother. Too beaucoup!"

4. In an open, public place, casually pop out one of your eyeballs and swallow it whole!

3. Throw a handfull of cigarettes in the air and yell, "Free smokes!"

2. Look your attacker square in the eye and say: "You got it all wrong, man… I dig chicks!"

1. Four words: Shank to the throat.

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Old 07-10-2000, 03:42 PM   #3
chillN 2.5RS
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BOTTOM TEN REASONS TO GO TO WORK NAKED!

10. People will immediately stop stealing your chair.
9. You'll give a whole new meaning to the phrase "Bad Hair Day"
8. Your Boss always says he wants to see your ass at work by eight… humor him for once!
7. It's a great way to break the ice with that cute chick from Human Resources!
6. People will stop stealing your pens once they've seen where you keep them.
5. Your nudity will divert attention from the fact that you've come in to work stoned!
4. Grow closer to your co-workers by comforting them after the sight of your naked body striding down the hall causes repressed memories from their childhoods to come rushing back to them.
3. Help your fat secretary lose weight by picking lint out of your bellybutton as she tries to eat her lunch.
2. Your penis can solve any and all paper jam problems.
1. It's international Go To Work Naked Day!
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Old 07-10-2000, 03:45 PM   #4
chillN 2.5RS
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Two old guys are sitting around talking and one says to the other, "Man have I got a problem, I'm so constipated, I haven't been able to take a **** for a week!"
The other guy says, "Yeah, I've got a problem too, everyday at six am on the dot, I take a ****!"
The other guy says "How can that be a problem, that's great, I wish I was you!"
The second guy says, "It's a problem because I don't get up until 8!"
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Old 07-10-2000, 03:51 PM   #5
chillN 2.5RS
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Q: What's the difference between a woman in church, and a woman in the bathtub?
A: One has hope in her soul...
I don't get that one...


AIR RAID n. several different people farting on a crowded elevator.
LICKALLOTAPUS n. a lesbian dinosaur.
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Old 07-10-2000, 03:54 PM   #6
chillN 2.5RS
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The Queen Mother and Dolly Parton end up at the Pearly Gates at the same time. St. Peter informs them a shortage of space exists and only one of them will be allowed to enter. Dolly says, "That's easy. It has to be me," and she whips off her shirt exposing her mammoth mammaries.
"Whoah," says St. Peter. "You might just be it."
He turns to the Queen Mother. She whips off her bloomers, showing off her bush.
St. Peter says, "I don't know...", to which the Queen Mother replies, "But I just douched!"
St. Peter says, "Okay, Mum, you win! A royal flush beats any pair!"
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Old 07-10-2000, 04:48 PM   #7
WRX-STi
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Wink

hmmm.....looks like somebody is trying to get to specialist status
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Old 07-10-2000, 05:54 PM   #8
Cliff Ditchhanger
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Question

He's already got specialist status...so what else could be the reason?
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Old 07-10-2000, 06:02 PM   #9
Shin RS
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Location: Sideways... in front of you!!!
Talking

Maybe he's trying to catch up with the rest of you guys (@400, or 200 posts)?

maybe i should do the same???

Just kidding...

Shin
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Old 07-10-2000, 10:51 PM   #10
Shin RS
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ChilliN, for the Q and A, try switching the h from hope with the s from soul

yes, i'm bored......
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Old 07-15-2000, 01:28 AM   #11
chillN 2.5RS
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Exclamation

A woman walks into a bar and orders two shots. She downs
the first one... "This is for the shame," and then the
second one... "This is for the glory."

She then orders two more shots. She drinks the first
one..."This is for the shame" and then the second
one..."This is for the glory."

She is about to order two more shots when the bartender
stops her. "Ma'am, I was just wondering...what's this
about shame and glory?"

"Well," she replies, "I like to do my housework naked.
But when I bent over to pick something up, my Great
Dane mounted me from behind."

"That must be the shame," the bartender said.

"No, that was the glory. The shame is when we got locked
together and he dragged me around the front yard for
thirty minutes."
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Old 07-15-2000, 01:31 AM   #12
chillN 2.5RS
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Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Raymond, decide to go
on a picnic. So Joe packs the picnic basket with
cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble
is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles
take 10 whole days to get there. By the time they do
arrive, everyone's exhausted.

Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He
takes out the sodas and says, 'Alright, Steve, gimme
the bottle opener.'

'I didn't bring the bottle opener,' Steve says. 'I
thought you packed it.' Joe gets worried. He turns to
Raymond. 'Raymond, do you have the bottle opener?'

Naturally, Raymond doesn't have it, so the turtles are
stuck ten miles away from home without soda. Joe & Steve
beg Raymond to turn back home and retrieve it, but
Raymond flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat
everything by the time he gets back.

After about two hours, the turtles manage to convince
Raymond to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles'
graves that they won't touch the food.

So, Raymond sets off down the road, slow and steadily.
Twenty days pass, but no Raymond. Joe and Steve are
hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise.

Another day passes, and still no Raymond, but a promise
is a promise. After three more days pass without Raymond
in sight, Steve starts getting restless. 'I NEED FOOD!'
he says with a hint of dementia in his voice.

'NO!' Joe retorts. 'We promised.'

Five more days pass. Joe realizes that Raymond probably
skipped out to the diner down the road, so the two turtles
weakly lift the lid, get a sandwich, and open their mouths
to eat.

But then, right at that instant, Raymond pops out from behind
a rock, and says, 'Just for that, I'm not going.
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Old 07-15-2000, 01:48 AM   #13
chillN 2.5RS
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A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says, "You want to play Magic?"
She says, "What's that?"
He says, "We go to my house and ****, and then you disappear!"


Now thats one to remember!!!!!!

chillN
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