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Old 06-03-2010, 07:15 PM   #1
imprezive
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Default Mother-in-law-zilla, am I about to handle this right?

Super CNs: My bride-to-be doesn't get along with her mother. This is because her mother is crazy, domineering, ect. I'm paying for the entire wedding. We told her up front that WE are planning the wedding and she may assist in areas we request. Since then, she has been incredibly difficult and had numerous angry outbursts via email and telephone. My fiance finally told her that if she can't work with us civially she can no longer "help" with the wedding. This resulted in the threat to not attend the wedding, but also prevent my fiance's younger siblings from attending (three of which are members of the wedding party) They are all minors. (She's the kind of person that would call the cops if we tried to bring them against her will)

This has come with great emotional toll on my fiance, but she's been handling it like a champ. (she's pretty good at it since she's been dealing with it her whole life)

Now it is my time to have "a talk" with mommy-in-law.

My plan is to first attempt to listen to her "main complaint/issue" and ask how she would like it to be handled. (Don't want to launch my offensive when I'm not sure what the real issue is)

Then simply state that she it would be best for her and us if she didn't "help" with the wedding anymore, but we absolutely want her to attend, because both she and my fiance will regret it for the rest of their lives, blah, blah, blah.... but if she doesn't agree to this, hold my ground regardless of the threats.

PS - The father-in-law refuses to get involved.

Wish me luck.

IBnomarriage.com

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Old 06-03-2010, 07:17 PM   #2
somebody else
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Uhh... guess what your wife is going to be like in 20 years.




She has the genes.
She has the upbringing.
Bring it.
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:18 PM   #3
Tweeter
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I'm-a lookin' and I'm-a likin'!
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:19 PM   #4
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Poop in her cheerios.
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:19 PM   #5
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thank you for complying with the rules,


now moar pics
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:20 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imprezive View Post
Super CNs: My bride-to-be doesn't get along with her mother. This is because her mother is crazy, domineering, ect. I'm paying for the entire wedding. We told her up front that WE are planning the wedding and she may assist in areas we request. Since then, she has been incredibly difficult and had numerous angry outbursts via email and telephone. My fiance finally told her that if she can't work with us civially she can no longer "help" with the wedding. This resulted in the threat to not attend the wedding, but also prevent my fiance's younger siblings from attending (three of which are members of the wedding party) They are all minors. (She's the kind of person that would call the cops if we tried to bring them against her will)

This has come with great emotional toll on my fiance, but she's been handling it like a champ. (she's pretty good at it since she's been dealing with it her whole life)

Now it is my time to have "a talk" with mommy-in-law.

My plan is to first attempt to listen to her "main complaint/issue" and ask how she would like it to be handled. (Don't want to launch my offensive when I'm not sure what the real issue is)

Then simply state that she it would be best for her and us if she didn't "help" with the wedding anymore, but we absolutely want her to attend, because both she and my fiance will regret it for the rest of their lives, blah, blah, blah.... but if she doesn't agree to this, hold my ground regardless of the threats.

PS - The father-in-law refuses to get involved.

Wish me luck.

IBnomarriage.com
Unless your fiance wants you to get involved, you need to stay out. Even if she does want you to get involved, I recommend staying out.
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:20 PM   #7
StiDreams
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebody else View Post
Uhh... guess what your wife is going to be like in 20 years.




She has the genes.
She has the upbringing.
Bring it.
I love this place.
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:21 PM   #8
gramicci101
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Originally Posted by r0bman
Pics of the mother-in-law?
This.
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:22 PM   #9
whiskey
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No advice for you, but nice job on the future wife.
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:22 PM   #10
imprezive
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebody else View Post
Uhh... guess what your wife is going to be like in 20 years.




She has the genes.
She has the upbringing.
Bring it.
Pondered that possibility for a long long time....but they are worlds apart. Her mother has legitimate psychological issues that may or may not have physiological causes.

Her father is a stand up guy... when he does get involved, his word is the law. He just conserves his energy.

But thanks for the positivity
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:25 PM   #11
materialsgirl
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Originally Posted by Layman View Post
Unless your fiance wants you to get involved, you need to stay out. Even if she does want you to get involved, I recommend staying out.
I agree, stay out of it. I'm not always my future mother in law's biggest fan, but it's my fiance's mom and he should deal with her. I, on the other hand, deal with my mom. There are times I would gladly trade.
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:27 PM   #12
imprezive
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Layman View Post
Unless your fiance wants you to get involved, you need to stay out. Even if she does want you to get involved, I recommend staying out.
She wants me to get involved. She's at a point where she can't think straight and any conversation with her mother will deteriorate quickly. I'm not saying my fiance is 100% innocent in the matter, but realistically about 95% innocent.

We're kind of old-school in our relationship. I'm the man, I handle things. I've stayed out for a while, hoping they would be able to work it out. They failed. It is compromising our happiness. Time to step in and handle it.

I'm a very good "politician". I know it isn't going to go well, but the matter will have some sort of closure after I "handle" it.

Thank goodness the family lives relatively far away and we've decided long ago to rarely visit.
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:27 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Layman View Post
Unless your fiance wants you to get involved, you need to stay out. Even if she does want you to get involved, I recommend staying out.
Sounds like a lesson can be learned from the Father-in-Law, eh?
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:28 PM   #14
KidCorporate
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Originally Posted by whiskey View Post
No advice for you, but nice job on the future ex-wife.
Ficksed.
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:32 PM   #15
imprezive
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Originally Posted by xrwwrx View Post
thank you for complying with the rules,


now moar pics
Pg 2 gets more pics.
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:42 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imprezive View Post
She wants me to get involved. She's at a point where she can't think straight and any conversation with her mother will deteriorate quickly. I'm not saying my fiance is 100% innocent in the matter, but realistically about 95% innocent.

We're kind of old-school in our relationship. I'm the man, I handle things. I've stayed out for a while, hoping they would be able to work it out. They failed. It is compromising our happiness. Time to step in and handle it.

I'm a very good "politician". I know it isn't going to go well, but the matter will have some sort of closure after I "handle" it.

Thank goodness the family lives relatively far away and we've decided long ago to rarely visit.
If you were that old school, you would know that it is her father's place to handle this, not yours.

Seriously, there is no win for you here.
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:43 PM   #17
zombiefeedingtime
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If your girl wants you to get involved then get involved. If she doesn't show up to the wedding, then so be it. I think you've got a good plan of attack.

Explain to Mother-in-law-zilla that you want her there but the fighting is too much and be done with it.

Sometimes you gotta lay down the law.
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:44 PM   #18
gramicci101
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The cake is a lie.

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by imprezive View Post
Pg 2 gets more pics.
I am posting this post in order to increase the threadcount, thereby furthering OT's goal of seeing more (and hopefully more revealing) pictures of imprezive's fiance. And mother-in-law. Older women can be sexy as hell. I know there are a sizeable list of OTters that will back me up on this.
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:45 PM   #19
imprezive
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Originally Posted by Calebz View Post
If you were that old school, you would know that it is her father's place to handle this, not yours.

Seriously, there is no win for you here.
I agree, it is her father's place to handle it, but he has chose not to, so that leaves me in a tough spot. I'm not going to go so far as to infer to him that he needs to handle his business...that would be crossing the line and potentially make an enemy out of him. I'm merely going to inform her of our stance. She can take it or leave it. (after trying to "patch things" up, of course. I don't think that's going to work, though)
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:46 PM   #20
zombiefeedingtime
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Calebz View Post
If you were that old school, you would know that it is her father's place to handle this, not yours.

Seriously, there is no win for you here.
Her father sounds like a dude that just ain't interested in fighting anything because his wife is a hag and she does all the stomping, so he turned into a "yes, dear" fella.

Go get 'er, OP.
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:46 PM   #21
imprezive
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gramicci101 View Post
I am posting this post in order to increase the threadcount, thereby furthering OT's goal of seeing more (and hopefully more revealing) pictures of imprezive's fiance. And mother-in-law. Older women can be sexy as hell. I know there are a sizeable list of OTters that will back me up on this.
Mother in law is not sexy. I'm not going to cross that line, anyways.
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:47 PM   #22
Uncle Scotty
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imprezive View Post
Super CNs: My bride-to-be doesn't get along with her mother. This is because her mother is crazy, domineering, ect. I'm paying for the entire wedding. We told her up front that WE are planning the wedding and she may assist in areas we request. Since then, she has been incredibly difficult and had numerous angry outbursts via email and telephone. My fiance finally told her that if she can't work with us civially she can no longer "help" with the wedding. This resulted in the threat to not attend the wedding, but also prevent my fiance's younger siblings from attending (three of which are members of the wedding party) They are all minors. (She's the kind of person that would call the cops if we tried to bring them against her will)

This has come with great emotional toll on my fiance, but she's been handling it like a champ. (she's pretty good at it since she's been dealing with it her whole life)

Now it is my time to have "a talk" with mommy-in-law.

My plan is to first attempt to listen to her "main complaint/issue" and ask how she would like it to be handled. (Don't want to launch my offensive when I'm not sure what the real issue is)

Then simply state that she it would be best for her and us if she didn't "help" with the wedding anymore, but we absolutely want her to attend, because both she and my fiance will regret it for the rest of their lives, blah, blah, blah.... but if she doesn't agree to this, hold my ground regardless of the threats.

PS - The father-in-law refuses to get involved.

Wish me luck.

IBnomarriage.com

and since I know the rules

d0000000000000000000000000d

yer in a WHOLE ****ing HEAP of deep **** and you are just about to pull the trigger on the whole mess


what the **** are yew waitin fer.......put a gun to yer head and blow yew brains out NOW and save yerself the years of misery that are about to unfold on yew


yew have been warned
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:48 PM   #23
Prod
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duh, winning

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To be honest, I would try harder to get the father in-law involved. At the end of the day, it's your wedding and her wedding, so do what you guys want. Get the father-in-law to take the kids to the wedding, or if one of them has a driver's license, have them drive.




BTW, family members in the wedding party is weaksauce. Especially when they're jailbait. Bridesmaids should always be of age and preferably single.
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:54 PM   #24
imprezive
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Originally Posted by Prod View Post
To be honest, I would try harder to get the father in-law involved. At the end of the day, it's your wedding and her wedding, so do what you guys want. Get the father-in-law to take the kids to the wedding, or if one of them has a driver's license, have them drive.
I've thought about this, but don't know how I could approach it without basically saying, "reel that woman in". I strongly believe he will step in and allow the rest of the family to attend, but I can't say for sure.
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:56 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imprezive View Post
I agree, it is her father's place to handle it, but he has chose not to, so that leaves me in a tough spot. I'm not going to go so far as to infer to him that he needs to handle his business...that would be crossing the line and potentially make an enemy out of him. I'm merely going to inform her of our stance. She can take it or leave it. (after trying to "patch things" up, of course. I don't think that's going to work, though)
"Hey, future dad! Your wife is bat**** nuts. we both know that. Will you give me a hand getting her under control so your daughter doesn't kill all of us in our sleep?"

BTW - your mother in law is an emotional terrorist.

Do not negotiate with terrorists.
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