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Old 01-29-2013, 06:45 PM   #1
Sir Dangles
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Member#: 322745
Join Date: Jun 2012
Chapter/Region: Tri-State
Location: Harrisburg, PA
Vehicle:
2004 WRX Wagon
Aspen White

Default Wrote my "college essay" about my subie :)

I thought you guys might like my "college" essay. I use quotations because there are obviously many essays that go along with applying to colleges, but this is the one I used for my CommonApp that goes to every school.
If there's any interest I'll let you know when I start getting decisions in the mail!

Enjoy!

Rich exhaust fumes taint the fresh air of my driveway as I link my hands, coated in oil and
grease, behind my head in joy as my Subaru rumbles happily. A simple combination of a chassis,
engine, and four wheels has taught me more than any book ever has. Understanding of the value of a
dollar is something that eludes many of my generation. In a time where a credit card called “Bill My
Parents” is the norm, I have been put to the test of expressing my enthusiasm for cars on only a
summer-job budget, and learned much more than my way around an engine.

Any weekend mechanic will tell you that there is a fantastic feeling of accomplishment when
you finish a job yourself instead of handing it off to a garage. Based on that mentality, I made a silent
vow (much to my parents' dismay) to install all of the performance parts I purchased with my own two
hands. The problem with this was that I had no experience at all working on cars. I had an awful lot to
learn, and I still do. By taking on exhaust installs, painting body parts, replacing intakes and countless
other modifications, I improved my car the way that I desired.

I spent the last four summers working at Hershey Park, an amusement park in Hershey,
Pennsylvania. At “The Sweetest Place on Earth” you can literally smell the chocolate in the air. As a
Ride Lead, I oversee three to ten Ride Operators ensuring that Hershey's safety and guest service
legacy is sustained. I love my job, and I worked so much last summer that the mediocre pay I received
from my labors slowly began to trickle into my Subaru. The parts that I had always wanted were
becoming available to me, one by one, based on how many hours I worked. This created a clear
relationship between how hard I worked and the quality of the parts that I was able to buy.

Set backs such as bad fitment, or a pesky bolt could result in hours of lost time and frustration. I
was often tempted to give up, to hand my keys over to a professional, but I never did. I tightened the
last bolt as tight as the first. Working on a car that I care about so much is taxing. It is exhilarating to
upgrade your car with your own two hands, to learn more and more about the car as you proceed, but it
is also stressful. There is always a chance that something could go wrong, and you could ruin your
pride and joy. But, great risks must be taken to achieve great reward, or a just-grumbly-enough exhaust
note.

This piece of Japanese engineering has taught me the value of money and how to spend it
effectively, to persevere through unexpected problems, and that planning is absolutely essential in any
major decision in your life, or under your hood.
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Old 01-29-2013, 06:47 PM   #2
garudatwo
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Default

What the hell was the prompt lol.
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Old 01-29-2013, 06:49 PM   #3
warpath
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2010 EVO X GSR
1992 MKIII Supra

Default

Brotato.......nobody, I mean nobody, is reading that word mountain.
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Old 01-29-2013, 06:50 PM   #4
Tonyturkey716
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Very nice I enjoyed reading it. Good luck!
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Old 01-29-2013, 06:52 PM   #5
Sir Dangles
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Aspen White

Default

Garudatwo, you can write about anything!

Warpath, I realized how daunting it looked, added spaces to make it a little easier to stomach haha. Thanks for the heads up
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Old 01-29-2013, 07:00 PM   #6
Navendra94
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:,) that was beautiful
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Old 01-29-2013, 07:07 PM   #7
Sir Dangles
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Aspen White

Default

In case you were wondering, this is my girl

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Old 01-29-2013, 07:09 PM   #8
Sir Dangles
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Default

Thanks navendra and tony!
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Old 01-29-2013, 07:15 PM   #9
blue sedan
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Good essay, Nice car!
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Old 01-29-2013, 07:29 PM   #10
mrkyle3
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2004 Miata

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Cool! Maybe I'll see your car around
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Old 01-29-2013, 07:35 PM   #11
e-wrx-ion
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Sonic Yellow

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Did not read. But I liked the picture of the car a few posts down.
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Old 01-29-2013, 07:38 PM   #12
Sir Dangles
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrkyle3 View Post
Cool! Maybe I'll see your car around
absolutely! as you read I'll be in Hershey practically all summer.

fair enough e-wrx-ion, thanks!
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Old 01-29-2013, 07:39 PM   #13
scoobyaru
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badass, well done!
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Old 01-29-2013, 07:47 PM   #14
nhmtns
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Min bil är svart

Default

No offense, but IMO that was terrible. I don't think you could get into the University of Phoenix with that digressive, desultory pile of words.
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Old 01-29-2013, 07:51 PM   #15
mrkyle3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nhmtns View Post
No offense, but IMO that was terrible. I don't think you could get into the University of Phoenix with that digressive, desultory pile of words.
Desultory? It had a clear plan. He demonstrated through his story that his car taught him the value of money, to persevere through difficulties, and how important planning is in life. Schools eat this stuff up.

And it's not digressive for the same reasons.

I wrote my essay about my adventures with potato guns and related it to the exact same morals he brings up in his essay.

Last edited by mrkyle3; 01-29-2013 at 07:58 PM.
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Old 01-29-2013, 08:08 PM   #16
rwfloberg
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SWP

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You were brave posting that here...Oh look a pretty car
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Old 01-29-2013, 08:30 PM   #17
Jack
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(From General)

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nhmtns View Post
No offense, but IMO that was terrible. I don't think you could get into the University of Phoenix with that digressive, desultory pile of words.
How about this: (I know what you do for a living)


Reluctantly crouched at the starting line,
Engines pumping and thumping in time.
The green light flashes, the flags goes up,
Churning and burning, they yearn for the cup.

They deftly maneuver and muscle for rank,
Fuel burning fast on an empty tank,
Reckless and wild they pour through the turns,
Their prowess is potent and secretly stern.

As they speed through the finish the flags go down.
The fans get up, and get out of town.
The arena is empty except for one man,
Still driving and striving as fast as he can

The sun has gone down and the moon has come up,
And long ago somebody left with the cup,
But he's driving and striving and hugging the turns,
And thinking of someone for whom he still burns.

He's going the distance.
He's going for speed.
She's all alone, all alone in her time of need.

Because he's racing and pacing and plotting the course,
He's fighting and biting and riding on his horse.
He's going the distance.

Yeah!

No trophy, no flowers, no flash bulbs, no wine.
He's haunted by something he cannot define.
Bowel shaking earthquakes of doubt and remorse,
Assail him, impale him with monster truck force.
In his mind he's still driving, still making the grade.
She's hoping time that her memories will fade,
Cause he's racing and pacing and plotting the course,
He's fighting and biting and riding on his horse.

The sun has gone down and the moon has come up,
And long ago somebody left with the cup.
But he's striving and driving and hugging the turns,
And thinking of someone for whom he still burns.

Cause he's going the distance.
He's going for speed.
She's all alone, all alone in her time of need.

Because he's racing and pacing and plotting the course,
He's fighting and biting and riding on his horse,
He's racing and pacing and plotting the course,
He's fighting and biting and riding on his horse!

He's going the distance.
He's going for speed.
He's going the distance...
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Old 01-29-2013, 08:49 PM   #18
nhmtns
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^^^ Now that is a well-written college essay.
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Old 01-29-2013, 08:56 PM   #19
Badler
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I'm confused, you can't be 12yrs old and headed to college?
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Old 01-29-2013, 09:08 PM   #20
Sir Dangles
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Aspen White

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Quote:
Originally Posted by nhmtns View Post
No offense, but IMO that was terrible. I don't think you could get into the University of Phoenix with that digressive, desultory pile of words.
For the record, the University of Phoenix doesn't require an essay
I appreciate all feedback, so thanks. But realistically, I would bet that you did not make your judgement from an admission officer's point of view. Frankly, this was not written to please anyone else. I just thought some would enjoy reading it on the forums.

For instance, Jack, that is a beautifully written piece, but doesn't help an admission officer "become acquainted with you as a person and student, apart from courses, grades, test scores, and other objective data" as this essay instructs you to. Awesome read though!

Certainly wasn't expecting it, but I love the drama
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Old 01-29-2013, 09:17 PM   #21
Nikopotomus
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The cake is a lie.
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Old 01-29-2013, 09:23 PM   #22
nhmtns
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Location: Mt. Washington Valley, NH
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'05 OBXT Stage 2
Min bil är svart

Default

Jack's essay definitely takes the cake.
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Old 01-29-2013, 09:31 PM   #23
Sir Dangles
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scoobyaru View Post
badass, well done!
Thank you sir!
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Old 01-29-2013, 10:14 PM   #24
LUMBERZACK
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48W

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When you take a few english courses in college, you would effortlessly be able to adjust this essay into a 10 page paper.
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Old 01-29-2013, 10:20 PM   #25
JSchell1309
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Dom 1.5XTR, E85

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Apply to engineering school. Skip the essay and learn useful ****.

Yup...
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