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Old 02-21-2014, 11:39 AM   #1
RastaMon
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Default The Clit Commander, now teaching Orgasmic Meditation in Boulder.

Quote:
Boulder is now the clit tickling capitol of the world



Along with Bikram Yoga, rock climbing during the winter, and guzzling kombucha from biodegradable, BPA-free, fair-trade beer bongs, Boulder residents can now add having 15-minute long orgasms with 20 strangers to their list of pre-dawn activities.

Orgasmic Meditation, or OM, is a not so new, nor surprising, trend in meditation focused on manual clitoral stimulation. Although we could have told you that rubbing the clitoris results in reduced stress and overall life happiness, the folks at TurnON Colorado have successfully turned finger banging into a structured meditation practice, complete with training sessions for beginners and “Master Stroker” status for those who’ve mastered the art of clitoral orgasm.

How does this work you ask? It’s simple, meet up with a TurnON group, find a partner and make a “nest” of bedding to comfortably lie in. Now take your pants off. Only your pants though, they don’t want you to get the wrong impression here. The stroker sets a timer for 15 minutes, lies you down in your nest, and gets to it. After the timer buzzes the partners have a meaningful discussion about the orgasm achieved. Then it’s pants-on time and you’re off to walk your allergy-free dog or hit up Whole Foods for some quinoa. No walk of shame, no post-coital phone call required.


The nest: where the magic happens.

This spiritual sex act got it’s start in San Francisco, big surprise, and is working on making Boulder its bitch. There are more than 400 officially trained strokers here in town, and the sessions, held every Wednesday morning, are regularly attended by about 20 or more people. So next time you’re feeling a bit anxious you can rest assured that some stranger is willing to rub it out for you in a room full of moaning women you’ve never met and will now awkwardly avoid when you see in the grocery store.

Now that the female orgasm is being taken care of, the next order of business is to start a mediation group centered around fellatio. So we can all get our heads right.




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Old 02-21-2014, 11:42 AM   #2
live311
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Default

Wait, is this the new derp thread?
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Old 02-21-2014, 11:43 AM   #3
Rock_Strongo
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=-)

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I don't even....
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Old 02-21-2014, 11:44 AM   #4
Badler
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Default

I bet a ton of hot blondes come in there to get stroked by strangers. I can smell the free range ***** from here. *barf*
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Old 02-21-2014, 11:44 AM   #5
The Motel Fella
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I make minivans look hot

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Awesome. The article. Tears...I has them.
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Old 02-21-2014, 11:47 AM   #6
ZMANNH25rs
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Default

Quote:
How does this work you ask?...
It's a ****ing clit, it's pretty simple to operate...
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Old 02-21-2014, 11:47 AM   #7
Rock_Strongo
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=-)

Default

How does one become a "stroker" anyway?

Is this an elective in today's colleges?
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Old 02-21-2014, 11:49 AM   #8
Dystinct
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Wait a god damn minute. This is legal but I can't get a happy ending at a massage place?
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Old 02-21-2014, 11:51 AM   #9
touch
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Default

You can't charge for it, but it's perfectly legal to give it away.
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Old 02-21-2014, 11:52 AM   #10
wteGDF
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Ya serious...how is this legal when happy endings are not allowed...
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Old 02-21-2014, 11:56 AM   #11
touch
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Default

Look at the picture. You pay the instructor, who walks around and tells you what to do. No one is getting paid to rub anything. That's the err, . . rub.
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Old 02-21-2014, 12:00 PM   #12
Furiousd1983
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I can't wait for A&E to pick up "Clit Dynasty"
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Old 02-21-2014, 12:01 PM   #13
Stretch18
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How could you not click on this thread?

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Old 02-21-2014, 12:05 PM   #14
Ripper
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stretch18 View Post
How could you not click on this thread?

Couldn't find it. Someone had to link me to it.
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Old 02-21-2014, 12:07 PM   #15
Strider
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Does it cost extra for the stroker to spit on it?
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Old 02-21-2014, 12:08 PM   #16
Mr_Hox
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Don't worry people at work, they blur out the naughty bits!
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Old 02-21-2014, 12:09 PM   #17
Dystinct
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KatsSubyRocks!

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Strider View Post
Does it cost extra for the stroker to spit on it?
Does the stoker get paid more for squirters?
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Old 02-21-2014, 12:09 PM   #18
Reciprocity
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In a word...wow.
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Old 02-21-2014, 12:15 PM   #19
docwhorocks
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wteGDF View Post
Ya serious...how is this legal when happy endings are not allowed...
You can't pay a stranger to rub it for you. But if 2 strangers pay a 3rd party, one stranger can rub the other. So it's legal if both the rub-e and the rub-er pay.

Hmm... so if Mudpig goes for a happy ending, pays $100 to an asian lady, and the asian lady pays him $1, would that be legal?

edit: if Mudpig pays the "massage" parlor $100, the "masseuse" pays the massage parlor $1, then would that be legal? Did I find a loop hole?
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Old 02-21-2014, 12:23 PM   #20
ZMANNH25rs
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Quote:
Originally Posted by docwhorocks View Post
You can't pay a stranger to rub it for you. But if 2 strangers pay a 3rd party, one stranger can rub the other. So it's legal if both the rub-e and the rub-er pay.

Hmm... so if Mudpig goes for a happy ending, pays $100 to an asian lady, and the asian lady pays him $1, would that be legal?

edit: if Mudpig pays the "massage" parlor $100, the "masseuse" pays the massage parlor $1, then would that be legal? Did I find a loop hole?
It's a good thing we have a resident expert here to advise on such things. I look forward to Mr. Pig's sure to be informative discussions on this topic...
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Old 02-21-2014, 12:26 PM   #21
Catbert
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ripper View Post
Couldn't find it. Someone had to link me to it.
This comment did not get enough "attention." Well played.
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Old 02-21-2014, 12:36 PM   #22
Furiousd1983
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ripper View Post
Couldn't find it. Someone had to link me to it.
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Old 02-21-2014, 01:16 PM   #23
The Motel Fella
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I make minivans look hot

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Reciprocity View Post
In a word...wow.
Pretty much. I'm still ing about this.
It's just so odd on so many levels.
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Old 02-21-2014, 01:20 PM   #24
johnnyb
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WRB

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20 minutes? I can OM myself in less than 5?

OM = oily masturbation
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Old 02-21-2014, 01:28 PM   #25
XanRules
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I do not have any jokes.
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