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Old 01-03-2003, 09:30 AM   #1
SCRAPPYDO
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Default New NASCAR Matco Tools SUV series

In order to increase the coverage of NASCAR to every man, woman, and child the officials at NASCAR got together, over a keg and decided to introduce the NASCAR Matco Tools SUV Series!

Its the latest thing, watch 4900 lb SUV's race around the same tracks in tube frame chassis with identical engines. Watch as they coast around a track during selected NASCAR events. The highlight of the season will be the opening race at Daytona where SpeedTV will have 480 non stop hours of coverage of the new SUV series. Watch as your favorite overweight, tobacco spitt'n, Bud drinking, Real tree camoflage wearing, drivers pilot 67 SUV's on the track at nearly 100 mile-an-our, just inches from each other.

NASCAR is thrilled about the new series and says it is excited and quoted saying...

"The SUV's have nearly double the surface area for our sponsers to paste their stickers...","...at tracks like Daytona, even when they are on the other side of the track the Pampers, Kool Aid, Holsum Bread, Off insect repelant, Old Milwalkee, Skoal, OLN network, Chevy Suburban will still be perfectly ledgeable..."

NASCAR officials are also making changes in the point system to ensure a close championship race. The first 50 positions will score points, with first place getting 1000 points and 50th getting 950. Additional points will also be awarded for having, "baby on board" placards on back and license plate frames that say "worlds best grandpa". Also, if the driver can complete half the laps while talking on a cell phone, they will recieve 20 additional points.

To ensure safety, The NASCAR Matco Tools SUV Series will leave in the 100 mph factory speed limiters, and all airbags will be mandantory. 100 gallon gas tanks will go where the 6th row seats would normally be found, to facilitate enough fuel to make it the required 250 - 500 miles per race.

To ensure no technology that is used in the series makes it to the public, NASCAR has mandated that everybody must use the same frame, tires, engine, transmission, and body shell. None of which is available to the public. Manufacturers will pay to have their sticker placed on the vehicle somewhere, with a given dollar/square inch formula.

In order to highlight the team aspect of the series, the entire crew will ride with the driver, as well as their children and at least one four legged pet. Spotters will be replaced by real time ONSTAR coverage at all times.

SpeedTV and NASCAR are thrilled to bring you this new exciting coverage of this series. SpeedTV will make room for the new series by limiting WRC and F1 coverage to no more than three commercials aired at 2am on monday night. They say the commercials will highlight the entire season of the 2001 season this year. Next year they will air the 2002 season and so on.

SpeedTV is committed to bringing you the best of the entire world of motorsports coverage, as long as its NASCAR.




SCRAPPYDO
stephen

okay so I was bored!
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Old 01-03-2003, 12:10 PM   #2
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That will never work....

...to much competition from the already established FIA-SUV series called the Paris-Dakar Rally.
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Old 01-03-2003, 12:17 PM   #3
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great Now these stupid drivers have even more incentive to drive like idiots on the road...
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Old 01-03-2003, 12:17 PM   #4
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Nice...

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Old 01-03-2003, 12:45 PM   #5
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I've always thought that a minivan (not SUV) series would be awesome. I'm sorta shocked that neutered male minivan drivers haven't really gotten into souping them up yet. (Except for that nitrous powered caravan).
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Old 01-03-2003, 01:28 PM   #6
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Opie,

Touche...

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Old 01-03-2003, 03:36 PM   #7
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Old 01-03-2003, 03:42 PM   #8
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Minivan touring car...I mean van racing would be killer.

I can just picture my Mom's Villager in full BTCC/DTM trim...18" rims, air jacks, big a$$ CF liftgate spoiler, full cage, sequential transmissions.

If they can race semi trucks on road courses in Europe why can't we have minivan racing here in the States.

We'll call it the USSTMVC (US SuperTouring MiniVan Championship.)

I hope Subaru comes out with an AWD minivan...DIBS on getting sponsored by FHI/SOA/STi.

Anyone remember the Renault Espace F1???

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Old 01-04-2003, 02:52 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally posted by Osgood30

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Old 01-04-2003, 07:08 PM   #10
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Perhaps Ford will figure out a way to keep the Explorer from rolling over at speed... SO long as the driver is turning to the left...
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Old 01-05-2003, 04:55 PM   #11
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LMAO! Definitely one of the best posts on this board in a long time!!!!
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Old 01-05-2003, 11:29 PM   #12
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Thank you sir, I do aim to please.....

If my little ole post has shed a shred of light in everyones life, then my work here is done.. ha ha


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Old 01-06-2003, 02:41 AM   #13
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You should have heard a couple guys at work bitching when Itold them Toyota is gonna have a Camry in Winston Cup in 2007! Plus the Tundra in the Craftman Truck Series next year.

http://www.autoweek.com/cat_content...._code=00601529
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Old 01-06-2003, 08:32 AM   #14
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That will be reason enough to root for Toyota! I found it funny, toyota was remarking that hey had a perfectly good Over Head Cam engine they could use, but are forced to make an iron block pushrod motor for NASCAR. Talk about vast steps backward, oh yeah, and they cany use fuel injection. Man, why not just let them tie horsed to the front of a cart and let them be dragged around the track!



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