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Old 09-05-2003, 04:43 PM   #1
HighWayDrifter
Scooby Specialist
Member Sales Rating: (6)
 
Member#: 8908
Join Date: Aug 2001
Chapter/Region: SCIC
Location: state of oblivion
Vehicle:
2012 Ford Raptor

Default FS - See inside for more details.

i will sell you my job!

Work mon-thurs noon - 9pm(sometimes a friday)

You must be able to do all sorts of technical support related things. Such as Change printer toner, fix paper james in 70's era fax machines. Must be able to pick up at least 50lbs and carry it or drag it by its power cord for at least 200 feet. You must be willing to deal with the stupidest people in the world all the while maintaing a facade of caring and sympathy for the problems at hand. The person who is perfect for this position will have the ability to multitask projects and juggle donuts and a redbull all at the same time. You musth have previous knowledge of all possible things that a stupid user can do to an application programmed by an even more stupid developer. You must be willing to clean viruses off of computers that have no connection to the work network at all. You must be willing to walk a coworkers cousins best freinds uncles daughters aunts neice who was adopted by an albinoe eskimop tribe thru complex things such as using aol instant messenger. You must be able to do all these things with large smile and bounce in your voice. You may be required to create from scratch imposibly complex software systems from scratch on a moments notice. You must be able to engineer horrendously complex hardware and software integration schemas with no knowledge of actual buisness needs or requirements. These systems can not fail nor can they suffer from any bugs or glitches. And yes you must retain that same smile on your face and bounce in your step that you had when you were walking the bosses 4yearold thru how to set up the newest version of "The incredible Adventures Of Sponge Bob" just 15 min ago.

Another aspect of this postion is the fact that you must be able to take any and all technicaly related or even non technical questions at any hour of the day. This may include calls at 2am in the morning about why someones DirectTV went out in the middle of a porno. This may include troubleshooting such a system at the same time. Also do expect calls at 6am that same morning from a different co workers asking why he can not get his DSL line up. Expect to spend 1 hour on the phone with him trying to tell him to call up tech supportt.

You must be able to deal with senior management that has no clue how to manage no matter how many times they call you in for a "team meeting". you must be able to sit thru such meetings and contribute such finer insight such as "I agree fully", "let me look into that for you", "I dont think i can create a button on the webpage that when clicked would open your office door".
You must be willing to run and scurry into the shadows at all signs of day light while still maintaing a bright glowing neon white complextion. Their may be after hours work that needs to be done at co workers office's which may or may not include having to install wireless networks so that the president of the company can stay up all night playing madden 2004. So that the next buisness day he is in a ****ty mood and fires 4 people. Mind you these people may be critical to the companies operations, so then you would be tasked with picking up their duties and repsonsibilties (only an interm thing we promise you!).

All this can be had for an easy up front cash payment of aprox 15,000 dollars.

Annual pay is in the area of 45-55g a year full bennies (if you can consider kaiser a medical operation)


Please contact me via PM to make or arrange transfer of this wonderful life oppertunity!
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Old 09-05-2003, 04:46 PM   #2
D-I-Z-Z-L-E
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Member#: 37178
Join Date: May 2003
Chapter/Region: MWSOC
Location: 37178 Dizzlebytes
Vehicle:
1960 Stdbaker champ
rust

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Old 09-05-2003, 04:49 PM   #3
Murray
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Member#: 11312
Join Date: Oct 2001
Chapter/Region: Tri-State
Location: ghettoville, PA
Vehicle:
2009 Gray
Legacy 2.5i

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that job sounds easy!
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Old 09-05-2003, 04:50 PM   #4
The_Triton
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: -=AWOL OT MEMBER=-
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Dude..................



Just put on some Gold Bond in the morning. It makes everything better
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Old 09-05-2003, 04:53 PM   #5
mlambert
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Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: 99 problems but a bitch aint 1
Default

isnt that just about every single low level IT staff position? pretty typical
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Old 09-05-2003, 04:58 PM   #6
HighWayDrifter
Scooby Specialist
Member Sales Rating: (6)
 
Member#: 8908
Join Date: Aug 2001
Chapter/Region: SCIC
Location: state of oblivion
Vehicle:
2012 Ford Raptor

Default

Wonderful thing is im not a low level staffer. Im the flipping IT Director, just so happens the proccess of everyone jumping ship im the only one left.
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Old 09-05-2003, 08:37 PM   #7
ciper
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Member#: 15543
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: san francisco, ca
Vehicle:
90BJ Legacy LS ABS
AWD 946 Rio Red Jpn built

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What company? Sounds similar to what I do, except that none of it was in my job description and there are plenty of desktop monkeys to do it for me. Some people think they need "special" treatment so the normal help desk staff isnt good enough.
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Old 09-05-2003, 08:55 PM   #8
onyxhunter
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Member Sales Rating: (1)
 
Member#: 29993
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: The Jersey Shore
Vehicle:
2002 WRX

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bump for the weirdest, funniest, most............

you all get the idea
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Old 09-05-2003, 09:14 PM   #9
okiedude
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Member Sales Rating: (54)
 
Member#: 37736
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Oklahoma City
Vehicle:
2003 WRX Race Wagon
Silver

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Is you're real name Dilbert by any chance
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Old 09-06-2003, 04:23 AM   #10
HighWayDrifter
Scooby Specialist
Member Sales Rating: (6)
 
Member#: 8908
Join Date: Aug 2001
Chapter/Region: SCIC
Location: state of oblivion
Vehicle:
2012 Ford Raptor

Default

Nope, you can just call me disgruntled. haha

Ya i hate when people just need to have you do things, no one else just you. Esp when those projects happen to be things like.... oh lets say REMODELING THE OFFICE SO WE CAN CRAM MORE MONKEY CONTAINERS (Cubicles) INTO THE FLOOR PLAN!! So i can have more stupid users sending me emails asking me how to send emails.

*sigh*



just having some fun venting.
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Old 09-06-2003, 04:57 AM   #11
Dimpreza
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the "average" person changes careers 3-4 times in thier life....

just a thought. its neva too late to do something you dig, dig?
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Old 09-06-2003, 02:07 PM   #12
T3/T4 WRX
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Member#: 25919
Join Date: Oct 2002
Chapter/Region: MWSOC
Location: St. Louis, MO
Vehicle:
12.8 second 1/4 mile
at 111mph

Default ill take it

sold...pm me with paypal info

Dan
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Old 09-06-2003, 02:19 PM   #13
Digital_Bath
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Member#: 37703
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: SLC
Vehicle:
2000 Impreza 2.5 RS
White

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Well, at least now I know why IT people are almost always "early morning drinkers."
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Old 09-06-2003, 05:09 PM   #14
soundwave
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Member#: 30370
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: i-club.com
Vehicle:
2011 STi

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no nasioc discount?
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Old 09-06-2003, 05:44 PM   #15
02scoobyWRX
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Member#: 42137
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: FLORIDA, Jax.
Vehicle:
02 SRP WRX
FP18G powered by UTEC

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Old 09-07-2003, 11:16 PM   #16
HighWayDrifter
Scooby Specialist
Member Sales Rating: (6)
 
Member#: 8908
Join Date: Aug 2001
Chapter/Region: SCIC
Location: state of oblivion
Vehicle:
2012 Ford Raptor

Default

nope sorry 15g firm cash up front. Sorry cant do paypal, they take to much of a cut. And well the columbians i am dealing with prefer cash to credit.
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