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Old 06-20-2000, 05:59 PM   #1
N/A
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Location: Maryland (not by choice)
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2003 Echo-daily car
silver

Post Contestant in the Darwin Award

It would appear that this weekend the Japanese police found somebody trying to get into the Darwin Awards the good old fashion way. He was going to earn it! The Japanese airport in a nearby city shares its runway with the US Military. So the Japanese police also patrol the base and the runway. Mostly cause the runway has (this is no joke) a stoplight intersection where the road goes across the runway in a few spots. Its not at all unusual to stop for large jets that use the intersection. Its an actual 4 way spot where cars and jets come together. Anyways, the police are out doing rounds and see somebody walking along the runway in the fog at about 3:30AM. They take off after him to see what the hell he is doing and as they get closer and can see through the fog they notice that he is butt naked. They drive up to him and get out to stop him. Hmm wonder if they still are required to pat down somebody when their naked? Back to the topic, they notice the guy is totally drunk and staggering around screaming incoherently. They go ahead and handcuff him and take him to jail. After they get a a friend of mine down to the station to interpret the guy mumbles that he was at the air base temporarily. They figure its a waste to talk to him anymore and wait till they get news from the base. The base has never heard of him. The guy claimed to be in the Army at the base. The problem is there is no Army anywhere in northern Japan so no go with that story. They find the guys clothes and find a leave paper. They check and its fake. They ask the guy why he has a fake leave form and what his real story is. While they are talking to him they find out he is actually missing from his Army base in Georgia where he is wanted by the State of Georgia for armed robbery. They confront the guy and then he tells them the truth. He found out he was wanted and forged a leave form so that he could get on a military flight. He went in and asked for any flight that was leaving and the earliest one took him to northern Japan. He flew up to Japan to get away and live but realized he didn't blend in. Well no **** idiot! A 6ft plus white person in Japan who speaks no Japanese doesn't blend in with anything. He then decided to get drunk and kill himself. His plan was to get really drunk so that it wouldn't hurt much and walk into the path of a jet as it took off. He thought that would be quick and painless. He unfortunately didn't know that at around 11PM in Japan there are no flights within the country and there are only two intercational airports and none were the one he was at. I think there should be a runners up prize for this guy for orignality. What do you think? At least he had a nice vacation before going to jail.
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Old 06-20-2000, 06:18 PM   #2
EJ
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I think for the Darwin awards they have to die in the process of what ever dum thing it is they are trying. That doesnt surprise me but then again being in the military I see alot of dumb stuff. You just have to wonder about some peoples kids...
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Old 06-20-2000, 06:31 PM   #3
8Complex

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Post

See kiddies? That is how the military rotts your mind and brainwashes you.
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Old 06-20-2000, 06:42 PM   #4
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OK there will be a slight ringing in your ears. Oh but don't worry you'll be nowhere near them!

I think that is the effect he was shooting for. Too bad they don't get some kind of prize just for the attempt.
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Old 06-20-2000, 09:44 PM   #5
EddyRS
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Hey N/A,

I have another one (Same base...go figure ) It happened about 3 years ago....the base was doing a Major readiness LORI or Wargames. Well on the last friday night of this exercise.....a Marine Reservist doing his two-week summer tour (soon to be a 4-year extention) went off base and got dum-as$ drunk (no problem there).....well as he was staggering back to his room, he decided that walking was not the best thing for him (as he kept fall over and landing on his face).....so as it happens he was passing a motor pool by the main Exchange. The marine un-focuses on a Hum-Vee sitting there.....(to those who have not been in the military, many of the US-Mil vehicles DO NOT have keys...and those that do, tend to keep them in the ignition). Well he decideds that driving is better then walking.....so he starts up the Hummer and drives to the barracks. The guy made it there ok...only ran over a couple of lawns.....(one being "Flag circle"...don't ask me how he missed the static jets and the flag poles) and finally made it to his barracks.

Now here is where he goes for the award. This individual decides that he wants to drive right up to his door and go to bed.....only thing is his room is on the 3rd floor of the dorm building. So YEP... he floors the gas on the HumVee and crashes right through the double glass entry doors at the main entrance and procedes right up the stairs. (the only problem is he couldn't quite get the Humvee to turn in the stairwell...duh. Not thinking too well (more alcohol then blood) the jerk then backs up the HV and makes the run up the stairs again......he does this 3 more times before the Secuity Police arrive and proceed to ask to man to "pull Over" right before he tries for his 5th attempt (got to give him credit...he wasn't a quitter...too bad he didn't have any smarts to go with it).

I think he shoulb be getting out of Levenworth next year

Cheers

Eddy L.
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Old 06-20-2000, 11:11 PM   #6
rsquire
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Eddy

ROFLMAO

Richard
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Old 06-20-2000, 11:17 PM   #7
N/A
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Hey Eddy I remember that! I was actually at that base from Nov 93-April of 96. That was about the same time as the guy who killed himself on accident why trying to get off. He was all dressed up in drag in his room with a bra tied around his neck. He had one end to the wall and the other around his neck. He passed out though and accidentally hung himself. Not exactly the way one envisions going out but hey to each his own. Another good one was the guy who was huffy paint non-stop his entire weekend and after huffing the entire time he died in the stairwell on his way out to smoke a cigarette. Just goes to show you those cigarettes will kill you. At least this place isn't boring. P.S. I still have General Norwood's license plate off of his offical car. I'll sell it to you cheap....
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Old 06-21-2000, 04:15 AM   #8
ndmorespd
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Thumbs up

N/A,

There is an honorable mention.... go to the Darwin Awards Web-page and submit the story... they will look into it...

Mike
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Old 06-21-2000, 04:39 AM   #9
KC
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You don't need to die to win a Darwin. I have been following them pretty closely for the past 5 years.

One of the winners was the New Jeep owner that went ice fishing with dynamite "No Fido don't fetch the dynamite!!"

Then there was the guy with the balloons in the lawn chair that put himself into the flight pattern of some airport and was shooting at jets with a BB Gun.

They didn't die, so death isn't needed, just something that "goes above and beyond the level of normalism".
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Old 06-21-2000, 04:58 AM   #10
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Hey how about the female shoplifter that tried to hide from the cops in a trash compactor? The cops said that it may not have been the first place that she went to hide but it sure was her last. I think I will send them the guys story. At least they will get a good laugh out of him. He has to be one of the dumbest people to try and kill himself. He would have to wait another three hours or so before the airport even opened back up to get hit by a plane. It's kind of sick but I think the whole Darwin Awards is funny as hell. These people are already going to do stupid things so its not like they do it to get in the competition. Why not post the exploits and allow the others to gaze upon their massive ignorance and have a good laugh?
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