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Old 08-23-2000, 06:36 AM   #1
Lovejoy
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'95 Nissan Maxima S

Wink Subaru Design Chief Attacked, Others Injured

News Flash : Dateline Japan :

Subaru Design Chief Attacked, Others Injured

After the announcement of the new bodystyle, and the release of the supposed Subaru of Japan sanctioned pictures, a rabid mob of protesters fueled with rage over the new styling, overan security officers at the main design site. Having forced their way into the building, they sought out the chief design manager and project manager, pummeling several people along the way. After finding their prey, they stripped them and forced them to sing songs of shame, and poured used engine oil from the current body style, chanting, "the blood is on your heads now." Local police were able to calm the crowd down and restore order. Subaru has yet to make a public statement, buy several employees stated, off the record, that they told management that this would happen, but the concerns were dismissed.


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Old 08-23-2000, 07:07 AM   #2
KC
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ROFL!!!
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Old 08-23-2000, 07:18 AM   #3
sanji
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priceless
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Old 08-23-2000, 07:29 AM   #4
Fish
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so, you think that will work?
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Old 08-23-2000, 07:35 AM   #5
Lovejoy
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Talking

Maybe, just maybe if someone could come up with something that will make the Designer/Project manager lose face in a very public and embarrasing way, it might. Say, do you think that Colin McRae would be good for a quote...."...this is exactly why I signed up with Ford. You didn't actually think I would be caught dead driving that thing did you? I mean...what is that....?"

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Old 08-23-2000, 07:53 AM   #6
dada21
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Hmm, I was thinking it would read something more like:

Dateline Japan. After publicly diplaying the new body style of the 2002 Impreza line, the Chief Product Designer and Project Manager were hailed as saviors of the failing Japanese economy. Now able to compete directly with the rest of the cheaply made and odd looking cars in its price range, the new Subaru Impreza will probably sell 10 times better in America due to the styling changes.

Quoted by one new admirer of the new impreza: "I love the new powerpuff girl look, I can't wait to buy and drive my new 'Blossom'. I hated the old Mojo Jojo look, it was so manly and ugly. Everytime I see my new car, I can hear it saying HI!"

Also overheard at the new release party, by one of the old-fashioned Impreza drivers [who belong to a group of fanatics that only bought a few thousand Imprezas a year]: "I really hate the new design." Of course, with the expected huge increase in sales of the new design, the old fashioned fanatics don't matter.

BLECH!
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Old 08-23-2000, 08:02 AM   #7
MikeYOX
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Talking



"I'm going to get my MY02! tee hee tee hee!"
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Old 08-23-2000, 08:03 AM   #8
dada21
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The New Age Subaru Impreza Hello Kitty line. All Paw Drive. You think that next year's McDonald's Hello Kitty Happy Meal promotion will have the Hello Kitty Impreza toy?
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Old 08-23-2000, 08:06 AM   #9
NeedaScooby
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Ahaaahahahahahahahahah

ROFLMAO--That was great
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Old 08-23-2000, 08:09 AM   #10
Fish
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so, does it have a vase?
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Old 08-23-2000, 08:16 AM   #11
Retsyn
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OK, I've decided to buy the new model WRX. Now all of you aftermarket suppliers, MAKE A NEW FRONT END FOR THIS PIG. I figure it'll be easier to buy the mechanicals and put a new front end on it than buy the look I like and then put all the componentry into it. See, the way I figure it. Subaru can weasel out of warranty work on the powertrain if I turbo the motor. All they can weasel out of is their rust warranty if I slap a new body on it. Until there's an aftermarket front end for it, it'll stay generic silver with a full front end cover (read bag) over it's head... So don't let me down! I guarantee at least one sale if you can come up with a nice aggressive front end for it!!
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Old 08-23-2000, 08:25 AM   #12
Gambit
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Ok I have to admit that Hello Kitty gif is too kewl MikeYOx! hahaha...hey remember that JigglyPuff comment?! ROFL!!!
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Old 08-23-2000, 08:56 AM   #13
Lovejoy
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How about a piachu (sp?) version?

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Old 08-23-2000, 09:02 AM   #14
Snoopy
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99 Impreza RS
Silverthorn Metallic

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I was hoping this was true.

Maybe we can pay N/A to do our bidding.

I will not be seduced by the dark side. That ugly car is growing on some people like leprosy. If they don't redesign the front end, this will be the last Subaru I buy. Audi still has nice looking AWD cars.
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Old 08-23-2000, 09:11 AM   #15
hedbusta
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ROFLMAO .... thats funny guys ...i really hoped for a daisy shifter knob ... i thought that would be cute
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Old 08-23-2000, 09:19 AM   #16
Retsyn
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I heard that STI is coming out with a bud vase shifter!
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Old 08-23-2000, 10:18 AM   #17
dada21
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I guess you guys didn't hear. They're actually putting a 7 gear shifter [with 2 reverse gears] and its short throw, in ALL New Age Imprezas. The shifter is actually not connected to anything, since all the Imprezas are going to really be 3 spd automatics with no overdrive, but the 7 Speed Shifter is going to LOOK NICE and make you feel like a champ. The faux clutch pedal is cool too, you can get it in 3 CLEAR colors: Raspberry, Lime, and Orange!
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Old 08-23-2000, 10:21 AM   #18
Matt
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Anyone remember the Ronal Bear and Daisy aftermarket wheels ?

Wonder if they will fit the new car........
 
Old 08-23-2000, 10:35 AM   #19
Drifter
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Talking

Ahahahaha.... ROFL!

This is too funny... especially that Hello Kitty thing Mike

- Eugene
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Old 08-23-2000, 01:17 PM   #20
Basshead
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there was a chick back at college that had a teal 92-95' civic with ronal bears...and just the other day i saw a new beetle with daisy's...lol
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Old 08-23-2000, 02:28 PM   #21
N/A
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silver

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You forgot the off road edition Impreza with its extra two feet of ground clearance. There by giving it the SUV feel so they can sell even more. Hell maybe they should slap some of those defective Firestone tires on there. Then add a 8MM sway bar, tiny brakes, even mushier pedal feel, slower steering rack and slap a LL Bean Edition Badge on its nose.
The Japanese rarely get mad enough to confront anyone. They don't seem to like directly confronting somebody. That is unless your a 6ft foreigner with red hair and theres a bit of anti-American anger. Then your in trouble.
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