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Old 04-16-2004, 11:07 AM   #1
Mike Wevrick
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OMGHi2U Do you care about your (future) spouse's religion?

This is a spinoff from one of yesterday's threads. Here is a snippet from that thread:


quote:
Originally posted by A_Train
Man, I can't believe there isn't a single person here who doesn't hold there religion high enough of a life priority that they would make it a priority in a future spouse.

Of course, to each his own, so if religion and/or family aren't your priorities, marry someone who makes you happy within your personal priorities



So here is the question: do you care about your (future) spouse's religion or does it just not matter much to you? Please explain.

And PLEASE no religion-bashing or flames.
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:09 AM   #2
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No, I don't care. I just hope they don't try to pawn their religion off on me.

So in general, I want someone unreligious.
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:10 AM   #3
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so, what you are saying is you do care...
My GF is Jewish, I am from a conservative Catholic background. It's come up a few times. I want her to be aware, and intune with her religion, the content isn't necessarily what matters.
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:10 AM   #4
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My wife is a catholic, and regular attendee at church.

I'm a protestant by christening, and I think that was the last time I was in a church aside from funerals and weddings.
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:13 AM   #5
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Quote:
Man, I can't believe there isn't a single person here who doesn't hold there religion high enough of a life priority that they would make it a priority in a future spouse.
I would have trouble dating a banger but only because in the past, I've had trouble meeting one that's open minded enough to accept my non-banger-ness.

The most recent one was a VERY intelligent girl and I was actually looking forward to talking to her about it, because I figured as a smart person she must have good reasons to believe what she did, and that we could have lots of good convos and come to some kind of agreement. Boy was I wrong. She already knew I was an atheist when we started dating but one day we had 'the talk' and that's the last time we ever went out.
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:13 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally posted by m750
so, what you are saying is you do care...
My GF is Jewish, I am from a conservative Catholic background. It's come up a few times. I want her to be aware, and intune with her religion, the content isn't necessarily what matters.
AO
I care to a point. I care in that I'll never be religious, and I want a future spouse who won't try to change that.
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:14 AM   #7
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Yes, I care but it's not a deal breaker. I would prefer to marry someone of my own beliefs, but they're kind of sparse around here.
BTW Do you mean Chritianity vs. Bhudism kinda thing, or more specific like Catholic vs Baptist?
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:16 AM   #8
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no poll?

I have to admit, I can't figure out really religious people, and I bet my constant expression of wouldn't help communication. I think that could be frustrating, since I tend to get worked up about the whole issue. If they are medium-level religious, and were able to keep it to themselves and not try to con me into going to church, I could probably write if off as a little quirk if I really liked them. But it's generally easier to date people who have the same level of disinterest as I do. But I've never been in the position of liking someone who help wildly disparate views from me, so it's hard to say for certain.
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:19 AM   #9
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As long as she is not thumping the Bible in front of my face, religion is meaningless in our relationship. If she is not involved in an organized religion, I may even consider adopting some beliefs. Now deciding how to raise the children, thats for another thread.....
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:32 AM   #10
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No poll because i want to know what people think, not just numbers.

Quote:
Originally posted by KrazyRooster

BTW Do you mean Chritianity vs. Bhudism kinda thing, or more specific like Catholic vs Baptist?
Either; for some people even denominations matter. (eg a conservative jewish guy I know who would never marry outside his conservative community)
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:33 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by micah

The most recent one was a VERY intelligent girl and I was actually looking forward to talking to her about it, because I figured as a smart person she must have good reasons to believe what she did, and that we could have lots of good convos and come to some kind of agreement. Boy was I wrong. She already knew I was an atheist when we started dating but one day we had 'the talk' and that's the last time we ever went out.
I had a gf like that in college. We had some good discussions but both knew it was not going anywhere in the long run. Still friends though.

My wife is a hardcore atheist; I wouldn't have it any other way.
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:35 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mike Wevrick
My wife is a hardcore atheist; I wouldn't have it any other way.
I'm starting to get to that point myself; tragically, there are maybe 5 atheist girls in all of South Carolina
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:35 AM   #13
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I'm agnostic (I don't necessarily believe in god, but if there IS a heaven and there IS a God...I live my life well enough that I'd get into Heaven. If I'm not let into heaven because I didn't spend my life kissing God's ass, then it's not where I want to spend eternity anyways.




My wife IS religious and she tends to be off and on. I'm a bit concerned because lately she's been a bit more "on" and was actually pushing it to me and telling me I should try praying. While I understand the concept of prayer, I belive that it invokes a deeper level of energy that we don't yet understand. If this is how people need to harness this power, then I'm all for it.



Short answer is YES, but only because if my wife was hardline religious with something that I didn't agree with then it would make life a lot more challenging.
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:38 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mike Wevrick
Either; for some people even denominations matter. (eg a conservative jewish guy I know who would never marry outside his conservative community)
Then it does in the fact that I would like to marry a Christian, but again if I met someone who I loved then it shouldn't matter. Being a Christian I would hope that I would be accepting enough of someone outside my personal beliefs.
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:38 AM   #15
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yes it matters
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:39 AM   #16
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I find that it is a factor in a relationship. It is a belief regardless of which side of the fence you walk on. Beliefs that deep that are in conflict of each other will have an effect on the relationship.

Coming together as one but with different beliefs on a subject of this magnitude can cause problems down the road.
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:41 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mike Wevrick
And PLEASE no religion-bashing or flames.
IBTL/D
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:45 AM   #18
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Doesn't factor in my relationship with my wife. It's simply a place we do not go. We agree to disagree.
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:47 AM   #19
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I am atheist and would not consider a long term relationship with a "religious" person. A person's religious beliefs is actually quite high on my list on considerations.
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:50 AM   #20
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Heh, my girlfriend has no religious connotations whatsoever, and I'm of the "grew up Catholic and grew out of it" mindset. We also can't stand kids, so I scored!
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:52 AM   #21
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It would definitely matter to me. I'm married now, but wouldn't have entered into a relationship with someone that was insistent about church/temple and had to do the blessing before meals and bedtime prayer, etc. Don't like being around that stuff.
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:52 AM   #22
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I dunno, we're both atheist, and I don't think I could be with a chick that isn't, so I guess the answer is...yes??!!??

GF!
Skippy
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:54 AM   #23
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I am an atheist through and through who was raised in a Jewish home. My fiancee was raised in a Catholic home. She is not very religious, and has never brought religion into our lives. If anything over the years, through her just listening to me she has begun to question and challenge her faith to the point where now she does not want to be labeled as a Catholic and she feels that she does not believe in alot of what Catholicism preaches. She has spereated her self from the Church and only goes once or twice a year on Hoildays with her family.

Her change in faith has bothered her parents, but they are fairly accpeting of it and do not push the subject with her since it only leads to people being upset.

But for me to marry someone, it had to be someone who was ok with not having religion as part of their daily lives. When we first got together over 5 years ago, I told her very quickly, since I knew she came from a Catholic family, that I would not be married in a Church and that she needed to be ok with that. I also expressed that I would not have my children raised in the Church or with any religous infulence, besides the fun stuff ( Christmas, Chuankah, Passover, Easter, etc...). She listened to what I had to say and accepted these conditions. Now, 5 years later, she completely agrees and does not want her children raised in the Church at all either. Her parents are not happy with this idea, but they will be our children so they can feel what they want, but it will have no effect on what we do with our children.

So eventhough I am an atheist, religion di played a big part in my choosing of my wife to be, but it was her lack of faith and her ability to let go of her faith that helped me know that I could spend the rest of my life with her and start a family with her.
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:57 AM   #24
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I'll date someone at least once regardless of religion if there's some interest and attraction.

I really doubt I could marry someone that wasn't a Christian, though. at the very least they would have to be very understanding of me and totally accept me. that's huge thing to ask because I'd have to be able to do the same with them. you figure this out before marriage not after.

what causes tension for a lot of couples is when one person hopes the other will change. that's stupid. if you want a different person, ask them to change and if they don't/can't, then LEAVE. it doesn't matter how good the sex is, how funny they are, etc.
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:59 AM   #25
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I say no, but my wife and I were both raised by families in the same protestant denomination, by chance. I'm now an atheist and she is agnostic. Her parents are Christian, but her mother was raised a Buddist. My sister-in-law married a Hindu. My sister married a Catholic and they are raising their kids as Catholics. My brother is in a long term relationship with a vegan (but I don't think that counts). We are friends with a couple were she is Jewish and he is Rwandan (raised at a Christian mission).

I guess it all depends on how seriously you take your religion.
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