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Old 09-30-2004, 01:25 PM   #1
eurojax
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Default Argh, my sixty year old mother is turning 16 again. (kinda long)

Here's some ammunition for you bastards.


My mom used to be huge, I mean, 300 pound on a 5' 6" frame. That was it, my mom was always huge. I was always okay with it, she had 4 kids, I understood. No one made fun of me for it, and she wasn't one of those fat smelly people. She wasn't "hip", she was always working on her profession or at home being a regular mom.

Well about 3 years ago she decided to change her life around. She started eating correctly, excersizing, and taking doctor prescribed pills. She went from 300ish to about 140 within 6 months and she's kept it off since then.




Now, this is cool to me. It's nice having a healthy mom that will probably be around a lot longer than the old fat mom. But here arises a problem: she's 16 again. The weight loss has reversed her mind and she thinks it's okay to look at my generation and copy it.


Last year I went to the opening day of Return of the King, my mom had just flown into town and she was interested in watching it with me. I hadn't really experienced her new found youth until this day. She showed up wearing skin tight leather pants, a leather top reminiscent of a biker chick, and a purple boa slung around her neck. I told her, being the ******* son I am, that people are going to think I picked her up on the corner to "spend some time with me." She laughed, she has a good sense of humor. Now, you all might be thinking, "OMG THAT SOUNDZ HOT! LYKE KEIF's MOMz!", but let me tell you. When a 300 pound old lady losed half her body weight, things are, well, not as shapely as they used to be. So, I wrote this all off to having a crazy mom. Keep in mind this lady has a masters in Social work and makes 70k a year in a professional setting.

So, life went on, and little things kept popping up that really started to bother me. She started showing me that she was listening to Maroon 5, or New Found Glory, hell, she even brought over her new favorite cd "MxPx." So, my mom went from listening to Aaron Neville, to blink182 and MxPx almost overnight. Just recently I was driving in a vehicle with her, when she popped a CD in and she said, "This has one of my favorite songs on it." She proceeds to go to track 5, which is "Bloodhound Gang - Bad Touch." This was a song I went through highschool with, and NEVER expected my parents to listen to it's naughty content.

She started spending so much money on new clothes that my dad thought he was going to have to take out a loan. She is still buying skin tight leather pants, little tiny tops that show cleavage :barf: and other teenybopper BS.

She even went as far as getting a TOTALLY mainstream asian tattoo that supposedly stands for "warrior" on her upper boob area. (far enough away from the boob where it's viewable, close enough to where you don't want to see it a second time)

I feel like going on Jerry Springer to talk about how my old mother needs to embrace her own culture and get older with it. Hell, I've listened to more Tom Petty in my life than her! This was a MAJOR influential artist in her hayday, yet, she didn't know who he was when I let her listen to Last DJ.

I bet she'll get braces in the next few years to "knock off a couple years" on her face. I've known ladies that have done this.

So, In closing. My 60 year old mother is turning 16 again soon, and I don't know if I should pick up the new Britney Spears record for her, or get her a pack of depends.

Thanks for listening,

eurojax.
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Old 09-30-2004, 01:26 PM   #2
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y helo thar.
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Old 09-30-2004, 01:30 PM   #3
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Hey, chill out. Good for your mom, let her have some fun. You may find yourself not quite acting your age at 60. I sure as hell hope I'm not acting 60 at 60...
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Old 09-30-2004, 01:31 PM   #4
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Don't do anything to hurt her newfound self confidence. The novelty will wear off eventually for her...
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Old 09-30-2004, 01:32 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TimStevens
Hey, chill out. Good for your mom, let her have some fun. You may find yourself not quite acting your age at 60. I sure as hell hope I'm not acting 60 at 60...
At 60 I will understand that I am getting older, and I'll embrace that fact of life. I'll probably be wearing flannels and sweat pants far earlier than 60 years old.
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Old 09-30-2004, 01:33 PM   #6
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Hey, just think about all the wild sex she's having with her new look!

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Old 09-30-2004, 01:34 PM   #7
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Ttiwwop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 09-30-2004, 01:36 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Porter
Hey, just think about all the wild sex she's having with her new look!

My dad makes that fact disgustingly evident.
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Old 09-30-2004, 01:37 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eurojax
My dad makes that fact disgustingly evident.
I bet he's sore every morning.


Think about that one for awhile.
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Old 09-30-2004, 01:38 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eurojax
At 60 I will understand that I am getting older, and I'll embrace that fact of life. I'll probably be wearing flannels and sweat pants far earlier than 60 years old.
I'm wearing that right now.


-A
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Old 09-30-2004, 01:39 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eurojax
At 60 I will understand that I am getting older, and I'll embrace that fact of life. I'll probably be wearing flannels and sweat pants far earlier than 60 years old.
her doing this at her age would be like you buying a Corvette Z06 or Elise at 60, which doesn't sound so bad to me...
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Old 09-30-2004, 01:40 PM   #12
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sounds like my mom. She lost a lot of weight too, and started to wear "hip" clothes. Changed her hair style too. Although not as bad as your mom, she still tries to be all "cool" and stuff...listening to Metallica and stuff like that. She even started smoking pot with her friends for a while! Whenever I go out with her, people think she's my girlfriend or something....which means that either I look really old, or she looks really young...either way, makes me wanna PUKE!

But whatever...she's happier now..so its good. Plus, I'm moved outta the house, so I dont have to witness it as much
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Old 09-30-2004, 01:42 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kedrin
Ttiwwop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
^^^^^^^^
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Old 09-30-2004, 01:43 PM   #14
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when my mom started acting like a teenager after her weight loss, i chained her to the basement wall and force-fed her Cold Stone Creamery ice cream. she learned to cut that **** out right quick.
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Old 09-30-2004, 01:47 PM   #15
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My Aunt - who lived with me for a while - was a little over 50 and mayeb 5'8" 165-175lbs

She dressed the same way, but fortunately, she recently moved out and I told her she looked like a retard.
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Old 09-30-2004, 01:49 PM   #16
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That's interesting, but here's my question: Where does your mom work making $70k a year with a Master's in Social Work?



<--------------Master's in Social Work
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Old 09-30-2004, 01:50 PM   #17
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Quote:
She even went as far as getting a TOTALLY mainstream asian tattoo that supposedly stands for "warrior" on her upper boob area. (far enough away from the boob where it's viewable, close enough to where you don't want to see it a second time)
Ha ha! Your mom got a boobtoo.
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Old 09-30-2004, 01:51 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CandyO
That's interesting, but here's my question: Where does your mom work making $70k a year with a Master's in Social Work?



<--------------Master's in Social Work
AK..
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Old 09-30-2004, 01:59 PM   #19
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- Janq
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Old 09-30-2004, 02:27 PM   #20
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it's called a "mom-life crisis" and it sucks. my mother is pretty much doing the same thing but hers is more "spiritual"

kinda freaky if you ask me.
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Old 09-30-2004, 02:31 PM   #21
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I agree, I think the novelty will wear off for her. Try to be happy for her.
I think all moms approaching 60 go through changes. For my mom, it's been her newfound "I'll do whatever I want." attitude and gambling. I wish she'd drop some weight, as for my dad too -- they are both technically obese and I want to have them around as long as possible.
Of course her new "traits" are going to be annoying to you, but try to be happy for her.
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Old 09-30-2004, 02:38 PM   #22
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lol, I bet everyone one here complaining about how their parents act are under 25 y/o..

I think it's great if someone can be fit and have fun at an older age. The other funny thing is as you get older "old" comes at a later age.
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Old 09-30-2004, 02:41 PM   #23
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my mom is 47 (18 when I was born many moons ago) and got a boob job last year and is all into pilates. she's listened to modern music all along-- that's pretty annoying when you find someone stuck in a decade... 60s 70s 80s whatever.

she's a bartender who never stopped being 21... no hope of retirement, paying each month's bills is enough. and I have a sister who's not quite 15 and still dealing with it daily.

your mom is just having some fun, jax. relax it could be a lot worse!
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Old 09-30-2004, 02:46 PM   #24
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Thank god my mom isnt that bad. Although she is only 50, we will see what happens in 10 years.
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Old 09-30-2004, 02:47 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CandyO
That's interesting, but here's my question: Where does your mom work making $70k a year with a Master's in Social Work?



<--------------Master's in Social Work
She's a computer programmer. The Masters was an academic exercise.



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