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Old 12-09-2004, 10:42 AM   #1
SkirtBoy
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Join Date: Oct 2001
Chapter/Region: TXIC
Location: Sugar Land, TX
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2009 MB CLK 350 CPO
Black on Tan

Default A woman had been in a coma, for months.

Nurses were in her room giving her a blanket bath.

One of them was washing her private area and noticed
that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her.
They tried it again and sure enough there was a small, recognizable
movement.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him,
"crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring
her out of the coma ." The husband was sceptical, but they assured him that
they'd close the curtains for privacy. He finally agreed and went into his
wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lined. No pulse, no
heart rate. The nurses ran into the room. "What happened?" they cried.

The husband said, "I'm not sure, maybe she choked".
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Old 12-09-2004, 10:42 AM   #2
Sephro
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Default

Old.
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Old 12-09-2004, 10:43 AM   #3
Grap
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SkirtBoy
Nurses were in her room giving her a blanket bath.

One of them was washing her private area and noticed
that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her.
They tried it again and sure enough there was a small, recognizable
movement.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him,
"crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring
her out of the coma ." The husband was sceptical, but they assured him that
they'd close the curtains for privacy. He finally agreed and went into his
wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lined. No pulse, no
heart rate. The nurses ran into the room. "What happened?" they cried.

The husband said, "I'm not sure, maybe she choked".
You mother lives in Whoreville!
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Old 12-09-2004, 10:43 AM   #4
SkirtBoy
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Black on Tan

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sephro
Old.
**** you.
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Old 12-09-2004, 10:43 AM   #5
SkirtBoy
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SureGrip
You mother lives in Whoreville!
I doubt it ... she's been dead for 6 years...
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Old 12-09-2004, 10:44 AM   #6
Grap
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SkirtBoy
I doubt it ... she's been dead for 6 years...
Yeah? Well mines only been dead for 4, so I guess you win
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Old 12-09-2004, 10:45 AM   #7
cwareing
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Default

i forgot about that one....funny but old
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Old 12-09-2004, 10:50 AM   #8
Sephro
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Default

another old one..

A couple had to save for a few years for their honeymoon.
They go to a very exclusive golf course that is surrounded by million dollar mansions. The husband tells his wife "Whatever you do, make sure you do not hit any of these houses. We don't have the money to break anything."
Sure enough on the 3rd hole the wife slices the ball and it goes through the biggest window of the biggest mansion on the whole course. They husband says they must go tell the owner.
So they go ring the bell and this guy answers the door and says "Thank you! When you hit the golf ball through the window and came and smashed the lamp that I have been trapped in for the past 200 years! I'm a genie! So since you freed me I am obligated to grant you 3 wishes."
The couple decides they would each take one wish then give the last one to the genie since they broke the window.
Wife says "For my wish, I wish I had a huge nice house in every country in the world!"
Genie nods his head and says "Done!"
Husband says "I wish I had a weekly paycheck for $1million every week!"
Genie nods his head and says "Done!"
now the genie gets to make his wish so he says "Well I have been stuck in that lamp for so long I have not even seen a woman let alone make love to one. Your wife is very attractive and I would love to make love to her."
Husband says "Well we have a house in every country, a million bucks a week, so why the hell not!"
They go upstairs and after a making love the genie turns to the wife and says "How old is your husband?"
she says "27. Why do you ask?"
Genie replies "He's 27 and still believes in Genies?"
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Old 12-09-2004, 10:51 AM   #9
Sephro
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Default

I just had to re-type all that so I might have worded some wrong but who cares.
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Old 12-09-2004, 11:05 AM   #10
Sephro
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Default

BUMP because i typdid a lot
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Old 12-09-2004, 11:08 AM   #11
smp291
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commuter civic

Default

I belive in Genies...
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Old 12-09-2004, 11:22 AM   #12
Sephro
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by smp291
I belive in Genies...
Do you have a hot wife?
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Old 12-09-2004, 11:40 AM   #13
vapore0n
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Default

this one (the first one here) was better that the baby joke in the other thread
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Old 12-09-2004, 11:43 AM   #14
DrBiggly
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Location: Winston-Salem, NC
Vehicle:
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Acute Stickeritis

Default

*subscribe*
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Old 12-09-2004, 11:49 AM   #15
ZMANNH25rs
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Location: Bis dat, qui cito dat...
Vehicle:
. Truth is a
pathless land...

Default

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He

goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him.



"I don't know what to do here," says the devil.
"You're on my list but I have no room for you.
You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell
you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here
who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of
them go, but you have to take their place.
I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room. In it was
Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept
diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over
and over. Such was his fate in hell.

"No" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good
swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair
with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did
was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No. I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in
constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!"
commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton
lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head
and his legs staked in spread eagle pose. Bent over him was
Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally
said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said.... "Monica, you're free to go!"

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Old 12-09-2004, 12:01 PM   #16
2 Dot 5 RS
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Vehicle:
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pearly white

Default

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog and makes his way to the center racks. He then picks up his dog by the collar and starts swinging the dog around as hard and fast as he can. Customers all around start to notice so a store rep. comes to the blind man.

"Sir, can I help you? Sir?" The blind man continues spinning the dog around like a helicopter.

"Nope. Just looking around."
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Old 12-09-2004, 12:19 PM   #17
Sephro
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Join Date: Aug 2002
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Location: Hudson MA
Vehicle:
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Default

^
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Old 12-09-2004, 12:47 PM   #18
Alpine
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Member#: 10960
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Chapter/Region: NWIC
Vehicle:
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Silver

Default

A old rope walks into a bar and sits down in front of the bartender. The bartender looks skeptically at it and says "you'll have to leave, we don't serve ropes around here." So the it leaves, stops just outside the door, ties itself in big knot, then walks back in. The bartender looks at it again for a minute. "Hey, aren't you that rope that I just threw out?" The rope replies "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
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Old 12-09-2004, 12:48 PM   #19
linux>windows
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Location: Downtown Grand Rapids, MI
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZMANNH25rs
George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He

goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him.



"I don't know what to do here," says the devil.
"You're on my list but I have no room for you.
You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell
you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here
who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of
them go, but you have to take their place.
I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room. In it was
Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept
diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over
and over. Such was his fate in hell.

"No" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good
swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair
with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did
was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No. I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in
constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!"
commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton
lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head
and his legs staked in spread eagle pose. Bent over him was
Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally
said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said.... "Monica, you're free to go!"

omfg <puke>
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