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Old 09-13-2001, 12:51 AM   #1
tora
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Default how does one deal with tragedy.

I'm just curious, how do people, in general deal with tragedy. This could be a very personal issue for some people but I am very curious. How do you deal with a close ones death, a serious disappointment, or as in this recent case a national tragedy.
I myself find I often distance myself emotionally. I prefer to close myself off, help others deal with their problems and when I am alone take time to analyse and deal with my own thoughts. If people don't feel like sharing please just read, if you do feel comfortable please let us know. And don't worry if english is a problem, I am happy to read anything.
Take care all,
Jamie
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Old 09-13-2001, 12:58 AM   #2
sandy lam
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well i guess it really depends on what it is....
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Old 09-13-2001, 12:58 AM   #3
Necromancer
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Yeah, that's about right.

Default

Good topic. I guess I'm a bit like brucelee -- driving out of town, somewhere with a view that ownz and the where the air is fresh. The feeling of freedom, self-determination, a big picture view ... that's helped me get through a lot of stuff in the past.

Of course, the occasional bawling-like-a-little-girl-with-a-skinned-knee helps sometimes too.
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Old 09-13-2001, 01:12 AM   #4
Keiho
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Default

For me?

Depends.

In this case, I really am not dealing with anything. Just in shock I suppose that it actually happened. Lately I've just been antisocial so...distancing myself from people, just sorta meditate a bit and pray, listen to God and find comfort in him. And the support of friends, be they distant, casual acquaintances or close friends, it helps to have people along "for the ride".
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Old 09-13-2001, 01:14 AM   #5
-S-
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Default

i dunno. i've never deal with personal "tragedy" very well, especially when it comes to girls, but i never really had problem dealing with something that's not "me", including family problems. i've learned to just step back and watch the dust settle, in the mean time analyzing what went wrong and what might help.

then again, a pint of guiness really helps
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Old 09-13-2001, 01:21 AM   #6
jackwei
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Default

a long walk in heavy heavy rain usually does it for me...but that doesn't come that often....
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Old 09-13-2001, 01:28 AM   #7
5 Zigen
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Default

i will choose to go out for a ride...

need some fresh air and somewhere that i can hide myself from the crowd....i don't mind anyone going w/ me but i just don't want ppl to surround me....

i should have done this but i am too stressed from school....

so i will go to AUTOX right after i finish the course and see if that will help!!!
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Old 09-13-2001, 01:58 AM   #8
Penphoe
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Unhappy We'll never be the same again...

It's hard to fathom the number of people who perished on Tuesday because of the decisions and actions of a few. It would be wrong to group all Arabs, or Muslims in the same category as these few people. Hatred is easy if we don't understand someone.

One of my classmates @ CDIS is from the Middle East -- his viewpoint of why this has happened to the US is totally different than what I believe/know. I won't go into it because I would probably misquote him -- don't want to do that.

In any case, there are always two sides to every situation - a reason we're given, and a reason we don't see.

What we both agree on is that it is a great tragedy that so many innocent people lost their lives.

Be thankful for what we have!

LaterZ!
Darren!!
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Old 09-13-2001, 02:56 AM   #9
T-REX
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Default

I guess Im a weirdo.

I dont really get upset. Don't get me wrong, I feel horrible, to the brink of crying sometimes. But I never really get uncontrollable or distance myself from anything. Im an agressor of sorts. If I get upset, I face my problems deadeyed and think them through.

Death of a loved one? I accept people die, its a question of when. Im not a religous person either, we are all biological beings, nothing lasts forever.

Serious disappointment?, I understand things will not always go ones way in life. Tommorow might be a better day, things always work out, I look forward.

Tragedies like the one that happened yesterday? I get pissed, find out what/why it happened, after the shock runs down, I accept it for what it is. Crazy fanatics that believe in their religion/mission from 'their' god a little bit too much. They will get theirs, then more bloodshed. It never ends.

People will hate me for this or think Im a jerk, but to me religion is one of the things I would love to see eradicated from this world. Sure, people need something to believe in, but look what happens when the ideals of a people do not concert with another people's ideals. War and constant fighting. There really is no need.

-
Terry

No flames needed, the above is my own opinion.
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Old 09-13-2001, 03:41 AM   #10
5 Zigen
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Default

yeah

we can be mad but not to be sad!!!

we have to use our madness to become the power....
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Old 09-13-2001, 12:57 PM   #11
tora
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Default

T-REX, this is in no way a flame but I have to disagree. I also am not a religious person, but I don't think it is religion that is bad. I think it creates many strong morals for us to follow in our daily lives. It is fanaticism that is dangerous. When someone believes in something to the extent of crossing some of the morals given by that religion, that is when it is dangerous.
As an example, antiabortionists that have killed to stop fetus' from being killed. It just doesn't make sense.

Anyways, lets leave this more as personal tragedy or problems in general. I don't want this to turn into a religious debate or a discussion on what happened in US>
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Old 09-13-2001, 01:06 PM   #12
T-REX
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Default

Good points.

Agreed.
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Old 09-13-2001, 02:03 PM   #13
urbanwhitetrash
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Default give in...

I just give in, I cry, I question, I reason, I move on. It sad how we, being the males of the species, are taught not to cry, not to show emotion and keep that stiff upper lip and in the long run I don't think it is good for you. When was the last time you had a good cry? It is amazing how good it feels. Grieving is a natural part of the healing process and it is a necessary part of moving on. I find conversation is a great way of bringing up emotions and moving through them.


As for the religion topic, I think that this is the incorrect manner to discuss such a "touchy" conversation. This is something you need to do in person, to save being misread and out of context flame wars.

peas out

[b]

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Old 09-13-2001, 05:36 PM   #14
5 Zigen
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Default

Tora: good points....and i agree too....

i think some ppl in Canada has already recovered....even my friends in HK....probably the affect to us isn't that big....we shouldn't stay inside the sadness but get things going....we have to WORK for a better life....
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Old 09-13-2001, 08:29 PM   #15
bender
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Default

hey, you never hear about buddhist doing anything like that ............sorry

I usually take my subie for a long drive (usually the sea to sky ) with my favorite tape playing. I feel alot better after that
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Old 09-14-2001, 01:51 AM   #16
wrx55
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Default

alcohol

it solves everything
haha jk
but yeah it really depends on what it is and what kinda person you are

here is something from one of my textbooks
"emotionally intelligent people, they suggest, form stronger emotional bonds with others... etc modulate their own emotions so as to avoid strong depression, anger, or anxiety, and work more effectively toward long-term goals by being able to control impulses for immediate gratification."

so i guess smart people are better at dealing with tragedy or something like that...

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Old 09-14-2001, 12:56 PM   #17
Keiho
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Default

Smart people generally get along better in life than dumb ones. Hence they are "smart". You needed a textbook to tell you that?
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Old 09-14-2001, 01:18 PM   #18
steve
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i use humor to deal with tragedy. It's the only thing that works for me.

I've been in many an argument with others who can't understand that others use laughter not to be insensitive, but because it makes us feel better.

Then I go out and drive real fast. That always makes me feel better too.
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Old 09-14-2001, 02:53 PM   #19
Gethin
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Wink

Religion is the root of all evil.

I use humour to feel better.

Gethin.
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Old 09-14-2001, 05:22 PM   #20
BearBear
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Default

I am one of those ones who choose to talk about it. Shed a few tears. But then I don't let myself be dragged down into the depression and stay sad... I choose to pick myself up again and walk on. It's like that old saying "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger". There have been a few times in my life when I've had to force myself to get up again, and each time I do I've learned a bit more about myself as a person.

And of course, when you talk about something like a national tragedy (like this one was), it makes me hold my loved ones a little closer.
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