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Old 01-21-2006, 07:53 PM   #1
semabe
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Default So the lady who stole my Knob Creek a while back.....

Died of an overdose Thursday night.

I'm not quite sure how to feel about that. We lived next door to her for 3 years, and during that time I had to take her to the hospital twice, pick her up off the floor drunk and call the ambulance a couple of times, go pick her up at the police station when she got a DUI and generally deal with a lot of grief. I did it because I felt bad for her, and her husband was blind. And of course the thanks I got was her stealing alcohol from me when we asked her to watch our pets one weekend.

We moved away from that building partially because we didn't want to be responsible for her anymore, and low and behold 6 months later she's dead.

We partly blame her husband for not trying harder to make her quit drinking and partly her for not trying to quit. But it's very, very strange. I do feel somewhat responsible, but at the same time I know it's not my responsiblity to take care of a 42 year old woman.

Yes, it's long. So sue me.
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Old 01-21-2006, 07:57 PM   #2
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You're not responsible at all. It was tragically inevitable, and I'm sorry to hear it. How did you find out?
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Old 01-21-2006, 08:01 PM   #3
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Ouch, thats a harsh situation Semabe. There is no way you should be feeling the need to say "I do feel somewhat responsible," Period. Indeed a sad situation. The fact she napped the Knob Creek is beyond weak.
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Old 01-21-2006, 08:01 PM   #4
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Quote:
when we asked her to watch our pets one weekend.
I'll respond when my brain gets done provessing this one (sometime early March).

(it's natural to feel bad when something like this happens. don't feel responsible. your selfless actions before probably gave her another 3 good years. and by "good" I mean plastered.)
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Old 01-21-2006, 08:01 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CandyO
You're not responsible at all. It was tragically inevitable, and I'm sorry to hear it. How did you find out?
One of our old neighbors got a hold of Bridget today. The funeral is tomorrow, but Bridget is in Florida and I'm not comfortable with going.

I am angry with the husband for not doing more to prevent this from happening. It's just a waste of a life. I almost think he wanted this to happen because she had become a drain.....to the point where he was trying to make her our responsiblity.
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Old 01-21-2006, 08:03 PM   #6
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Ughh, no wonder you guys wanted to get out of there. That sounds like a terrible scene to be around.
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Old 01-21-2006, 08:04 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by semabe

I am angry with the husband for not doing more to prevent this from happening.
Nobody can prevent somebody else from self destructing if that person is unable/unwilling to help themselves. It starts with the individual and can only be supported by others. But others cant do it for them. He was probably bewildered and worn out with her and probably has issues of his own.
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Old 01-21-2006, 08:04 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Asinine
I'll respond when my brain gets done provessing this one (sometime early March).

(it's natural to feel bad when something like this happens. don't feel responsible. your selfless actions before probably gave her another 3 good years. and by "good" I mean plastered.)
Oh, I understand why that would be hard to understand. We let her do this after we'd known her for a year and we didn't know she was as bad as she was....we figured the one time to that point that we took her to the hospital was an isolated incident...she claimed it was a siezure.

We had to go out of town and our pet sitter cancelled at the last minute so we figured she could handle feeding the cats for 3 days. We were wrong. She never apologized, and her husband knew we knew about it and only mentioned it when we PICKED HER UP FROM THE POLICE STATION DRUNK.
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Old 01-21-2006, 08:07 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WRSport
Ughh, no wonder you guys wanted to get out of there. That sounds like a terrible scene to be around.
Yep. It was a strain on us, to be sure. Especially since I work at home.

Tracey, as far as the husband goes, we pointed him in the direction of putting her in a program and even offered to get her (free) professional help from a friend of mine who is an addiction specialist and he did NOTHING.

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Old 01-21-2006, 09:04 PM   #10
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Well, at least she won't be a leech on public/private services anymore.
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Old 01-21-2006, 09:11 PM   #11
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So I guess you are not getting paid back for the Knob Creek?
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Old 01-21-2006, 09:35 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike Wevrick
So I guess you are not getting paid back for the Knob Creek?
Um....yeah.
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Old 01-21-2006, 09:36 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by semabe
Yep. It was a strain on us, to be sure. Especially since I work at home.

Tracey, as far as the husband goes, we pointed him in the direction of putting her in a program and even offered to get her (free) professional help from a friend of mine who is an addiction specialist and he did NOTHING.

Well then, you did all you could do. What a sad story though.
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Old 01-21-2006, 09:38 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CandyO
Well then, you did all you could do. What a sad story though.
As much as I realize it's not my fault, still I have that lingering feeling that if I had either pushed him harder to get her in a program or if we'd kept an eye on her after we moved out she might still be alive.

I guess I'll never know.
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Old 01-21-2006, 09:39 PM   #15
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Why didn't you do more, you heartless bastard?

No, but seriously, you did good trying to help... at some point you have to step away from the bad situation when the principals aren't interested in saving themselves.
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Old 01-21-2006, 09:40 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by semabe
As much as I realize it's not my fault, still I have that lingering feeling that if I had either pushed him harder to get her in a program or if we'd kept an eye on her after we moved out she might still be alive.

I guess I'll never know.
If if if.

If you'd have handcuffed her to the radiator and forced her to drink water...

You can't do it all.
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Old 01-21-2006, 09:41 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rogue
Why didn't you do more, you heartless bastard?

No, but seriously, you did good trying to help... at some point you have to step away from the bad situation when the principals aren't interested in saving themselves.
I know, but it doesn't make me feel any better about the whole thing.

I seriously have the desire to kick the ever living crap out of her husband, which is somewhat out of character for me.

I'm going to go have a drink and a cigar.

Thanks guys.
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Old 01-21-2006, 09:47 PM   #18
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Karma's a bitch.


:sneeze:
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Old 01-21-2006, 09:49 PM   #19
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You shouldn't feel bad. It wasn't your job to watch out for her or keep her alive. You did what you could when you were there. Probably more than most of us would do (myself included).
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Old 01-21-2006, 09:56 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by semabe
Um....yeah.
Attempt at levity ... this is OT after all.

OK, seriously, you went beyond the call of duty already. You can't force people to change, especially when dealing with things like addiction.
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Old 01-21-2006, 10:42 PM   #21
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did you at least get to idp her...?
On a more serious note, you did all you could to help her and there was nothing more you could have done as a neighbor. To a certain extent it was inevitable, just pray [for her family] and move on. Don't get too hung up on it.
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Old 01-21-2006, 11:10 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by semabe
As much as I realize it's not my fault, still I have that lingering feeling that if I had either pushed him harder to get her in a program or if we'd kept an eye on her after we moved out she might still be alive.

I guess I'll never know.
You cant push ppl to do what you think is the right thing to do. They either do right or not, and it's because THEY want to, or not.

You are not responsible in the least for any of this. If anything you were more helpful than most would've been.
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Old 01-21-2006, 11:18 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CandyO
You cant push ppl to do what you think is the right thing to do. They either do right or not, and it's because THEY want to, or not.

You are not responsible in the least for any of this. If anything you were more helpful than most would've been.
Listen to PreggieO, Seanie. Come over and have some Draak, we can smoke cigars out back.
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Old 01-22-2006, 12:19 AM   #24
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You have a good heart.

But adults have to be free to be different ,wrong or stupid - even to their own detriment.

No one can say you didn't try or don't care. That's more than evidently her own husband did for her.

sucks

Carl
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Old 01-22-2006, 12:23 AM   #25
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damn!

i was there for the original thread.

if it wasn't an overdose, i'd have felt bad for the mean things we were saying in the first thread.

but totally, this wasn't your fault at all and it's too bad but it was no one's fault, really.

it would have been nice if she could have kicked her bad habits, but sometimes that's just not the way the cookie crumbles. hope you feel better- definitely don't guilt trip over it.
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