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Old 01-23-2006, 07:29 PM   #1
WRick
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PWN3D All you need to know about ass hair.

Have Fun.

C.n. : some dude shaves his ass hair and whines about it. Worth the read.

Source. Yeah, it's not me.

Quote:
DO NOT SHAVE YOUR ASS HAIR!

Don't Shave That Hair!!!
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble ****ting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic ****- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky ****/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering ****/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own **** blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!
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Old 01-23-2006, 07:30 PM   #2
skimmilk68
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Puh-tooey

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thanks
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Old 01-23-2006, 07:31 PM   #3
Brad Pittiful
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. .
This ain't no picnic!

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repost
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Old 01-23-2006, 07:31 PM   #4
Anub1s
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I figured that was common sense though.
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Old 01-23-2006, 07:34 PM   #5
Vostok 7
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Do you need to
read this in Braille?

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I think that was originally posted by someone here on NABISCO.

Vostok 7
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Old 01-23-2006, 07:36 PM   #6
Hypernoodle
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I did her 5 times
then 7 times, then 5 more

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That was funny a few years ago.

I laughed then.
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Old 01-23-2006, 07:39 PM   #7
WRick
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ok then someone scrap it ? everything has been posted here... how will we entertain ourselves ???
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Old 01-23-2006, 07:40 PM   #8
version2.0a
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yeah buddy
i should try that some time
i like to learn the hard way
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Old 01-23-2006, 07:41 PM   #9
Brad Pittiful
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. .
This ain't no picnic!

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Quote:
Originally Posted by WRick
ok then someone scrap it ? everything has been posted here... how will we entertain ourselves ???
you are the entertainment
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Old 01-23-2006, 07:42 PM   #10
I25
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Meh, i never had that issue. But i have since stopped removing my ass hair, it itches like hell when it grows back in like it was stated in the mini-dont shave your ass eassy.
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Old 01-23-2006, 07:42 PM   #11
StopSweatinMe
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Its the first time this n00b saw it.
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Old 01-23-2006, 07:44 PM   #12
version2.0a
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neon pink!

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its the first time this n00b saw it to
>points to himself<
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Old 01-23-2006, 07:45 PM   #13
wrxpunk53
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..but it's like trying to **** through a screen door
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Old 01-23-2006, 07:52 PM   #14
WRick
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wrxpunk53
..but it's like trying to **** through a screen door
''sees image in head''

Priceless.
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Old 01-23-2006, 07:58 PM   #15
WRXedUSA
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Gold bond fixes all those problems associated with shaving your ass.
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Old 01-23-2006, 08:04 PM   #16
RoadRashed
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Welcome to the internet...... That story is at LEAST 5 years old...
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Old 01-23-2006, 08:06 PM   #17
whoosh
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anal bleach and duct tape
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Old 01-23-2006, 08:08 PM   #18
CalcVictim
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****ing wow
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Old 01-23-2006, 08:09 PM   #19
WRXedUSA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RoadRashed
Welcome to the internet...... That story is at LEAST 5 years old...

welcome to post #3
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Old 01-23-2006, 08:14 PM   #20
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owned indeed
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Old 01-23-2006, 08:16 PM   #21
RoadRashed
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WRXedUSA
welcome to post #3

It needed to be restated.... "repost" didn't do this ancient artifact justice.
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Old 01-23-2006, 08:17 PM   #22
WRick
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Meh. What else is there to do on a monday night ? I sell subarus in montreal, and were getting a new government tonite. Who the hell wants to vote for a canadian gvmt. instead of buying a friggin car ? This sucks for me.

/rant incl. repost.
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Old 01-23-2006, 08:22 PM   #23
CRZ_MSL
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Default

Holy Blast From The Past Batman!

Next up my brand new post about finding a car smashed into the side of a mountain, scorched pavement on the road behind it indicating that some sort of boost device was used.
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