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Old 02-08-2006, 02:21 PM   #1
Asinine
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Lightbulb Ok, I finished the first draft of Sharky's wedding sermon. What do you think?

Dearly beloved, we have assembled here today to celebrate and consecrate the love of Andrea and Rich. I don’t mean assembled like the Super Friends assembled. No, I mean assembled in a different way—a more spiritual way. More like Lego’s building blocks than anything else.

Actually, Andrea and Rich are like Lego’s in many ways. In fact, just this morning Rich told me that he too came in a box. And like the plastic building blocks, a single Andrea or a single Rich is not good for very much. Sure you can chuck them out the window at passing nuns, but that is short-lived entertainment. In order to realize the potential of the block, you must have another complementary block. It is then, in joining the two together, you can begin to build something of great importance and value. Of course, three blocks is even better, and my offer to Andrea and Rich is still good. I’m just saying.

So on this day, Rich will stick his pointy thing into Andrea’s tight receptacle place, and they will become one—one block, one life. And from that life they will go out into the world together stronger, more vibrant, more colorful, and—if my hunch is correct—a little heavier than before.

Now, the happy couple will exchange vows…

<insert vow exchanging here>
<put rings on here>


Before we finalize and make official the marriage of Andrea and Rich, I would like to sing a song I wrote for the happy couple.

<note to self: learn to play guitar. SureGrip?>

Breezes blow in from the cold, damp bay,
but my love keeps my head dry.
I watch her dreaming where she lays,
and pull up the cover to expose her thigh.

She lights a fire in my belly,
And makes my hard heart much kinder.
I grab a tube of KY jelly,
And place a dollop on her vagina.

She doesn’t wake, but that’s okay.
We’re married now, so I don’t feel bad.
Of course it makes it easier this way,
If she wakes up during, I hope she’s not mad

Call it the benefits of being married,
I can pressure her to get what I want!
Ever since across the threshold carried,
I can guilt her into giving up the c***!


Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Mr. and Mrs. Rich Hoppopatomoss! You may kiss the bride!
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Old 02-08-2006, 02:22 PM   #2
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You could use a snake for a logo.
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Old 02-08-2006, 02:23 PM   #3
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**sniff, sniff** That was beautiful man.
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Old 02-08-2006, 02:23 PM   #4
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POST!

Now I'll go back and read it.



Edit: Makes me want to renew my vowes. *sniff sniff

Last edited by BacDoc; 02-08-2006 at 02:33 PM.
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Old 02-08-2006, 02:24 PM   #5
alacrity024
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needs more ninjas wailing on Jackson Flying V's.
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Old 02-08-2006, 02:24 PM   #6
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well done.
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Old 02-08-2006, 02:25 PM   #7
jpicheva
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Poetry. Pure poetry.
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Old 02-08-2006, 02:30 PM   #8
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Did you just compare our love to cheap hard plastic, multicoloured Danish children's toys???
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Old 02-08-2006, 02:32 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sharkbait
Did you just compare our love to cheap hard plastic, multicoloured Danish children's toys???
I object to your post depicted the prophet made of legos.
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Old 02-08-2006, 02:32 PM   #10
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Make sure to emphasize "ASSemble".

People enjoy some subtle sexual humor.
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Old 02-08-2006, 02:33 PM   #11
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Now again! This time in D&D format!
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Old 02-08-2006, 02:34 PM   #12
rogue
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Oh, Dear God.
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Old 02-08-2006, 02:35 PM   #13
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I want you to perform my wedding sermon.
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Old 02-08-2006, 02:35 PM   #14
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Best.

Sermon.

EVER.
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Old 02-08-2006, 02:35 PM   #15
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"In fact, just this morning Rich told me that he too came in a box."


:raises hand:

I got it!

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Old 02-08-2006, 02:35 PM   #16
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What's that pointy thing you say he's gonna stick in her receptical? I think that's a little unclear. Maybe you could have pictures or something, make it a power point presentation.
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Old 02-08-2006, 02:35 PM   #17
Grap
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Sorry man, I can't show you how to play, only make it sound good when you do.
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Old 02-08-2006, 02:36 PM   #18
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OMG lollers!
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Old 02-08-2006, 02:36 PM   #19
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Old 02-08-2006, 02:39 PM   #20
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@ legos
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Old 02-08-2006, 02:40 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rogue
"In fact, just this morning Rich told me that he too came in a box."


:raises hand:

I got it!

That's just WRONG!!

























We're blonde...
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Old 02-08-2006, 02:41 PM   #22
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Make sure it's a feel-good sermon like the Dove commercials.
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Old 02-08-2006, 02:42 PM   #23
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Old 02-08-2006, 02:43 PM   #24
ZMANNH25rs
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I'd marry it...

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Old 02-08-2006, 02:44 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emorphien
Make sure it's a feel-good sermon like the Dove commercials.
That's funny and all, but I'm the one leaving the reception in a new DB9.
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