sounds like you need wire3... you're sure you have the + and - the right way? mine was easy to hook up. Stick with a normally open relay. There are three wires going to the h4 headlights. No specific order, but #1 is ground, #2 is + low beam, and #3 is + high beam. It sounds like you have the right idea, I don't know what's going on though. After I post this I'll go back and see if it says what year your car is. ...maybe we can just tell you what color to go with.