I need some advice from you guys.....

[Fach]

My cousin and I have been really close our entire lives. We are the same age, birthdays separated by a few days. If I had to name one person as a best friend, it would be him and I would say the feeling is reciprocal. Over the last couple weeks, we haven't been in contact much and I had a feeling something was wrong. I gave him a call last night to invite him to play some poker with a couple buddies. It was a good time and everything went well. I just figured he has been stressed out from work.

Skip to 10 minutes ago. I just get home from work and talking with my mom. She says,"I really need to talk to you about something." Thinking I didn't pay a bill or something of the sort, I brace for what is coming. It turns out my cousin is expecting a baby any day now. I was completely blind-sided. He broke up with this girl in the fall and has been dating someone else over the last couple months. This girl already has a 2 year old from someone else before she began dating my cousin. I haven't had a chance to talk to him yet but my mom tells me that he is considering marrying her to support the baby. All they ever did when they were together was fight.

I really do not know what to tell him. I will support him with whatever choice he makes.But I feel sympathy for him because he is a young guy(21) and this will now influence every life decision he will ever make. I also feel angry over this firstly because he never told me about this for the last 9 months. Secondly, our relationship has now completely changed. No more late nights at the bar, rounds of golf or just random BS'ing around. It may seem selfish but I think anyone would feel a bit of the same.

He might be coming over tonight to talk about it. What kind of advice can I give him? If he decides to marry this girl for the baby rather than out of love, do I tell him I think he is making a wrong decision? Its amazing how things in life can give you a reality check that feels like a swift kick.....




Cliff notes: Cousin and I grew up together and are inseparable. He got old girlfriend pregnant and hasnt told me for the last 9 months. Baby could be delivered tomorrow. Now he is thinking of marrying her for the baby.

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[Scubiedoo]

Best advice to give him:

DO NOT MARRY THE BITCH.
if they want to work it out, try dating, or living together.

[Gravel-Fun]

DO NOT MARRY HER!!!

Don't compound one mistake into two.

Your buddy now has commitments, and that may cut into your time shared with him. Try to be supportive of him spending time with the BABY, not the girl. A child will double the stress in a home. It darn sure will not improve a relationship.

Good night, do not marry. If they both think the baby was a mistake this young, there are only about 180,000 couples waiting for a newborn. This is what I would recommend.

They're awfully young for parenthood. Unless they REALLY, REALLY want it.

Good luck.

[subijitsu]

Tell him not to marry her but to support his child. The kid would be much worse off living in a household with two parents that are at each others thoat.

Get a blood test also.

[VSG]

I agree he shouldn't get married. Tell him to consider adoption, that seems like it would be the best option for the baby. Though if she already has a 2 year old she'll prob. want to keep the bab and collect child support

[skrib09]

Originally posted by VSG
I agree he shouldn't get married. Tell him to consider adoption, that seems like it would be the best option for the baby. Though if she already has a 2 year old she'll prob. want to keep the bab and collect child support

adoption, true. find a nice hetero couple and make sure the baby'll have good living conditions.

[Brad Pittiful]

sorry to hear the trouble youre cousin is in...she could give it up for adoption

[Fach]

Originally posted by Brad Pittiful
sorry to hear the trouble youre cousin is in...she could give it up for adoption

I am pretty sure she wants to keep the child. This makes it a much more difficult situation obviously.

[IgotWRXed]

i think this is a great example:

a really good friend of mines parents are divorced. they dont live together, they dont continue to date each other, but they both SUPPORT my friend.

they go to events together for him, sports games, birthdays, graduations, etc.. the dad brings his girlfriend and the mom brings her boyfriend, but both parents are perfect friends and get along.

they realized that them as husband and wife didnt work out, but them as parents needs to, and it does.

[oh_BS]

DO NOT LET HIM MARRY HER!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!! PLEASE DON'T!!!

I have seen too many marriages end when the kids are little and things just turn nasty. And the kids are worse off.

Either have him figure things out for child support or give the kid up for adoption - best case - believe me.

I was adopted. Everyday I thank my bio's for coming to their senses and letting a family who wants a child have one. Not everything has been perfect with my adopted parents (what family is?), but I know that I am better off now than with what my bios could have provided in terms of stability and support.

But to make it clear - DO NOT LET HIM MARRY HER!!! show him this thread!

Unfortunately for you your relationship with him will change a bit (or a lot) no matter what happens - be glad you have family that is close and understand his position, and probable embarassment. Things will work themselves out.

[Brad Pittiful]

Originally posted by Fach
I am pretty sure she wants to keep the child. This makes it a much more difficult situation obviously.

i bet she did it to trap the poor guy in marriage