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Old 09-12-2008, 07:51 AM   #1
snvin
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Exclamation Something dudes don't usually think about when dating, but probably should:

*The girl's future earning potential and overall financial situation*

Now that I'm 30, lots of my buddies are married or in serious relationships (possibly headed toward marriage), and the difference in stress level between the ones with wives who bring in decent cash and the ones who don't is staggering.


And don't even get me started on the difference between ones with well-off families vs. the ones whose families have no cash.

I'm not saying that this should be a deciding factor; I'm just saying that based off of conversations I've had and what I know about my buddies, dudes do *not* normally think about a woman's earning potential until things are already pretty damn far along, whereas they probably should've thought about it earlier (unless it's just some random fling or something; in that case, nobody gives a shyte).

Our earning potential has always been *at least* a minor consideration when (most) women evaluate us as potential mates, so it's only fair that we consider the same factor.

It's kind of a big deal.

Prease. Discuss.
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Old 09-12-2008, 08:04 AM   #2
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IMO it is the womens attitude toward money that matters more than what they actually make. Most couples when both are working make enough money to survive and be happy if they don't spend themselves into oblivion.

On the other hand I have seen couples that made tons of money eventually split over it. Always buying a bigger house, new cars and expensive vacations eventually catch up with them. In my experience it seems to be the WAPCE who is pressuring to spend spend spend until there is nothing left. I know there are execptions to this but that is what I have seen.
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Old 09-12-2008, 08:26 AM   #3
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Probably the better thing to worry about is getting on the same financial page with your potential mate. If she's got 15 credit cards maxed out and is looking for more to buy more shoes, in addition to leasing another Land Rover while and you are debt-free, save 15% of your income, write a monthly budget and have a goal to pay cash for a house, I don't care how good the sex is, the money problems are going to hit home soon. This can work both ways, I've seen tons of relationships where the guy can't control his spending, maxes out cards and is about two steps from financial ruin.

Not to mention it should be discussed what's going to happen in terms of kids (daycare/stay at home) and other life goals before you get married. My wife recently decided that she would like to go part-time or stay at home with the kids. Unfortunately, we decided together to buy a new minivan and send her to business school a few years ago, so there's no way in hell she can stay home now. She freely admits she changed her mind, and she doesn't like it, but she's an adult (and because of business school ) she knows the numbers just don't work otherwise.

So ideally about 2 years from now we will have paid down the debts that are killing the cash flow (and we have pledged to never incur another debt) and she'll be able to have the flexibility to work part-time/contract/freelance, and my salary will keep up with the rest of the bills.

This is certainly a stress on our marriage, in addition to the two small kids and so on. But if we hadn't found a common ground to agree on and worked out a plan, life would be considerably worse -- we'd either be running up more debt, I'd be working two jobs, we'd be in default on something, etc.

Sometimes the future earning potential of a woman is zero because both people agree that what they want is for her to stay home and raise the kids. I don't judge people who do that at all, but it's better to get that out in the open before marriage so that you can plan accordingly to make sure you can live on one income alone. It can be done, but it definitely means that you won't be able to keep up with your other friends with dual incomes, since you'll likely need to save all of one income to build up a down payment for a house, pay down debt, have an emergency fund, etc.
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Old 09-12-2008, 08:28 AM   #4
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I'm a man. I stepped up and let my wife retire at 28.


Edit: And guapo has it right. It's their attitude towards money that counts. My wife is frugal, budget minded, and shops for bargins only. Rarely does she spurge for anything.
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Old 09-12-2008, 08:32 AM   #5
SubaruCO
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasonallenross View Post
Probably the better thing to worry about is getting on the same financial page with your potential mate...
I'd agree for sure.

Money certainly does not equal happiness, but being comfortable with what you do have and how you spend it does bring certain happiness.
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Old 09-12-2008, 08:33 AM   #6
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probably should?


this is the first thing women think about when they look at you. time to level the playing field.
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Old 09-12-2008, 08:34 AM   #7
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... Rarely does she spurge for anything.
Keep it in the bedroom man.
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Old 09-12-2008, 08:39 AM   #8
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Keep it in the bedroom man.


Opps got a little excited there.
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Old 09-12-2008, 08:41 AM   #9
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i earn a good living that affords me the opportunity to live comfortably and have lots of toys. my girlfriend earns more than me. she's my sugar momma.
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Old 09-12-2008, 08:42 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chicken n waffles View Post
i earn a good living that affords me the opportunity to live comfortably and have lots of toys. my girlfriend earns more than me. she's my sugar momma.
Pool boy.
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Old 09-12-2008, 08:44 AM   #11
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Pool boy.


but i'm not hispanishexican

(plz no points kthx)
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Old 09-12-2008, 08:48 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by chicken n waffles View Post


but i'm not hispanishexican

(plz no points kthx)
But I am...

*voice of Harvey Birdman*

"I'LL TAKE THE CASE!"

*/voice of Harvey Birdman*

Quote:
Originally Posted by snvin View Post
*The girl's future earning potential and overall financial situation*

Prease. Discuss.
I disagree.

A woman's intelligence is more important to me than her earning potential. But if you really want to think about it, a smart girl is more likely to be in a position to earn more than a dumb bitch. Crack whores and supermodels not included.
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Old 09-12-2008, 08:48 AM   #13
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Fiance, fresh out of grad school, makes 30% more than I do, being 2 years out of grad school myself. Her earnings potential within a few years is expected to be double what I make. It wasn't the reason we got together, but after dating for a few years and we talked about finances we both wanted to be able to afford certain luxuries in life, put our (future) kids through college, etc and having two people both making good incomes was a step in that direction.

As mentioned above, it should be one of many things to consider. It should only make or break the deal if she has 0 earning potential and a huge spending potential (ie, a drain).
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Old 09-12-2008, 08:49 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by chicken n waffles View Post
i earn a good living that affords me the opportunity to live comfortably and have lots of toys. my girlfriend earns more than me. she's my sugar momma.
Lol, I'm in that same situation... She had a house when we met, paid for her car in cash, had zero credit card debt. I was living in an apartment and had a bunch of debt from school. Now I have no rent to pay and have been able to pay a bunch of debt down.
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Old 09-12-2008, 08:55 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by snvin View Post
*The girl's future earning potential and overall financial situation*
If a woman said this **** she'd immediately be labeled WAPCE.


This is a load of crap. When you're dating, you think about compatibility, not "future earning potential." Yes, attitudes towards money can often fall into whether or not people are compatible.

Seriously, if I broke up with some guy who worked at a garage or something over the fact that he doesn't have good "future earning potential," I'd be reamed out for being a raging, materialistic bitch. Yet somehow it's okay for you to be that way?
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Old 09-12-2008, 08:56 AM   #16
cnw
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Lol, I'm in that same situation... She had a house when we met, paid for her car in cash, had zero credit card debt. I was living in an apartment and had a bunch of debt from school. Now I have no rent to pay and have been able to pay a bunch of debt down.
well i'm not exactly living rent free (neither of us own a place and we don't live together)... but i don't have to always pay when we go out. in fact, she demands that we split everything. rare these days.
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Old 09-12-2008, 09:03 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by coop119 View Post
Yet somehow it's okay for you to be that way?
Well yeah. We have weiners. That makes it ok.




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Old 09-12-2008, 09:03 AM   #18
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I actually agree with this... Long term happiness means more then her being hot at age 20-30... Women look at you and see dollar signs long term, we should look at them the same way
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Old 09-12-2008, 09:04 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by el_guapo View Post
IMO it is the womens attitude toward money that matters more than what they actually make. Most couples when both are working make enough money to survive and be happy if they don't spend themselves into oblivion.

On the other hand I have seen couples that made tons of money eventually split over it. Always buying a bigger house, new cars and expensive vacations eventually catch up with them. In my experience it seems to be the WAPCE who is pressuring to spend spend spend until there is nothing left. I know there are execptions to this but that is what I have seen.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BacDoc View Post
I'm a man. I stepped up and let my wife retire at 28.


Edit: And guapo has it right. It's their attitude towards money that counts. My wife is frugal, budget minded, and shops for bargins only. Rarely does she spurge for anything.
Its true. One of my supervisors and his wife makes more than me and is in a hole of debt, but my wife and I have no credit card debt, no car loans, and we are going to look for a house this next spring. The only debt we have is my college loans which amount to about 17k, an I'm about to start paying that down as well.

One difference I noticed about them and us is that their spending habits are just wild. We sometimes spend if we have extra money, but all in all we can, and have cut back finances when necessary. My wife is not above living off of ramen noodles if we got into a bad situation.
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Old 09-12-2008, 09:05 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by chicken n waffles View Post
in fact, she demands that we split everything. rare these days.
Not really. Most of the women I dated would offer to pick something up or split after a couple of times out.

I'll be teaching my daughters to offer to pay their way on dates. Otherwise you end up with some idiot 16 year old boy thinking because he picked up a Big Mac meal for her he's "entitled" to some action.
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Old 09-12-2008, 09:07 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by chicken n waffles View Post
i earn a good living that affords me the opportunity to live comfortably and have lots of toys. my girlfriend earns more than me. she's my sugar momma.
same situation, sugar mommas are where it's at, I wouldn't have a boat without my mine
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Old 09-12-2008, 09:08 AM   #22
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marry a hot lawyer
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Old 09-12-2008, 09:09 AM   #23
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same situation, sugar mommas are where it's at, I wouldn't have a boat without my mine
Haha, we are looking at boats now...her idea
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Old 09-12-2008, 09:15 AM   #24
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Originally Posted by coop119 View Post
If a woman said this **** she'd immediately be labeled WAPCE.


This is a load of crap. When you're dating, you think about compatibility, not "future earning potential." Yes, attitudes towards money can often fall into whether or not people are compatible.

Seriously, if I broke up with some guy who worked at a garage or something over the fact that he doesn't have good "future earning potential," I'd be reamed out for being a raging, materialistic bitch. Yet somehow it's okay for you to be that way?


Yeah, when a guy makes some comment about I'm going to be his "sugar mama" within the first 15 minutes of a date, it's time to GTFO.
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Old 09-12-2008, 09:18 AM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coop119 View Post
If a woman said this **** she'd immediately be labeled WAPCE.


This is a load of crap. When you're dating, you think about compatibility, not "future earning potential." Yes, attitudes towards money can often fall into whether or not people are compatible.

Seriously, if I broke up with some guy who worked at a garage or something over the fact that he doesn't have good "future earning potential," I'd be reamed out for being a raging, materialistic bitch. Yet somehow it's okay for you to be that way?
that's my sugarmama..
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