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Old 01-28-2003, 08:22 AM   #1
WRXGuyInUSA
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Default I need advice guys...

I rarely post a serious thread or ask for advice, but I really need it at the moment. I'm kinda hoping that maybe somebody here has had the same problem, or is going through it also.

Anyway, I have been seeing my girlfriend for about a year and a half now. I'm 20, and she is 17. I don't want to hear any crap about the age difference, so just move along if you can't get over it. Anyway, we have the best relationship in the world, and we both are totally in love with each other. I had to move for work about 3 months after we first started dating, but I visit for 4 days every 3rd week. It sucks, but I should be back in her city in the summer for good. Anyway, on Thanksgiving, I finally met her older brother for the first time. He's 27 years old. She has another brother, who is 21 that I have known since we first started dating. Well, the older brother wasn't too friendly towards me, and seemed like a total prick. Come to find out, he took my girlfriend(his sister) for a drive one day, and basically talked about how I wasn't the right guy for her, and that she could do better, and this and that. I only knew the guy for 1 day, and never hung out with him before he made this assumption about me. Well, then he started talking to her other brother(the 21 year old), and then HE started acting like a dick towards me, like I did something wrong.

It totally sucks now... My girlfriend was supposed to visit me after Christmas, and when the older brother found out, he wrote a mean letter to her, and said he would "disown her as a sister" if she came to visit me. She came anyway, because she loves me too much not to. Well, then her brother went to her parents and I guess said a bunch of stuff to them that was WAY out of line, and it made them start to dislike me strongly... I've never done anything to make her parents think I'm a bad guy, but now they are telling my girlfriend to "find somebody else"... Her dad doesn't want me to come visit her, and doesn't want her to come visit me... I'm totally destroyed right now... We talk on the phone, and she just cries because she wants to see me so badly, and I can't do anything about it. Her parents are kinda odd, and really hard to talk to. The kind of keep to themselves.

I really need advice if anybody can help me out. Should I show up anyways, and try to talk to the parents? Should I try to contact the older brother(who is back at college out of her state)? What should I do?

This really sucks...
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Old 01-28-2003, 08:26 AM   #2
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(I have no useful advice)

and

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Old 01-28-2003, 08:34 AM   #3
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Old 01-28-2003, 08:40 AM   #4
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Tell them to butt out she is almost old enough to make her own decisions and if her parents don't mind you I wouldn't worry about them and trust they will get over it. It was the same way with my g/f's uncle and we are cool now we drink together and hang out alot when I see him trust me you and her brothers will prolly be friends after while. Find somthing her brothers are interested in and start a conversation with them and show them that you are a good guy and you obviously arn't using her for sex cause if thats the case you wouldnt be with her over a year, I hope this advice helps and good luck.
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Old 01-28-2003, 08:43 AM   #5
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I think you need to talk to the parents. If you ask to sit down and talk to them, that will show your maturity and how you're serious about this girl. I don't know anything about your character or the girl's family, but you just need to talk to them.

CB
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Old 01-28-2003, 08:44 AM   #6
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Step up to the plate and call her parents and speak to them directly. Do the same with her brother. Better would be just to show up and speak to them. Ask them what the problem is.

Don't be angry, just be sincere. If that doesn't work, strongly encourage her to go away for college, and then they won't be able to put so much pressure on her.

-tim
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Old 01-28-2003, 08:56 AM   #7
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She will be going to college soon enough, but I dont want to have an awkward relationship with her parents. I just hope that I can see her soon... I may go and talk to her parents like was suggested face to face.
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Old 01-28-2003, 09:09 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally posted by WRXGuyInTulsa
She will be going to college soon enough, but I dont want to have an awkward relationship with her parents. I just hope that I can see her soon... I may go and talk to her parents like was suggested face to face.
Yup.. just talk tot hem and DON'T GET DEFENSIVE or angry. Do the best you can not to show temper or disrespect. Do not call their son a liar or cast anything on them.

They will beleive their own children over you.

Just realx and do not 'challenge' them at all. Answer questions, be polite and calm.

--kC
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Old 01-28-2003, 09:18 AM   #9
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Being an older brother of a sister who in my opinion could do a lot better than her current boyfriend I need the facts before passing judgement or advice. So are you a loser with no direction in your life? Personally I generally tell my sister to steer clear of anyone that isn't goal oriented. It doesn't matter how nice the guy is. Maybe that's the problem this dude has with you.

JUST THE FACTS MAM.

PS - Maybe this guy is part of the PAGAN cult. Therefore he's one of the people against goodness and normalcy. There's not much you can do to placate him besides putting on your goat leggings and joining the fun.
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Old 01-28-2003, 09:31 AM   #10
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i think first of all you should find out just where your g/f stands on the situation. see where she thinks this is going. then, you have to basically do everything in your power to get the brothers to realize that you're a decent guy (you are a decent guy, aren't you? ) and that they shouldn't make snap judgements.

as an older brother myself, i KNOW that no one's good enough for my little sister, but i make an effort to try and look past that and trust my sister's judgement. when guys don't come off looking like slimeballs or aggressive or creepy, i lift the restraining order.

#1 rule - remain calm and composed and LISTEN to their concerns. take neither an offensive nor defensive position. listen to what bro has to say and then address his concern honestly. if you can't completely convince someone of your worthiness, don't push it further. the argument is falling on deaf ears anyhow. just implore him to let you prove your worth.

it's an uphill battle, sisyphus. get cracking.
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Old 01-28-2003, 09:46 AM   #11
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I wouldent knock you for having a 17 yr old girlfriend, 10 years from now you would be 30 she would be 27.....
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Old 01-28-2003, 09:53 AM   #12
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Jailbait.

I'd try calling the brother and seeing what his deal is.

I boned this girl in highschool and her boyfriend found out so he told her older brother that I raped her, so that the older brother would try to beat me up. I was a freshman and he was a senior. Anyways, so the older brother tries to attack me when I come out of my class but all these teachers and stuff grabbed him. So, when I got home I called him. I told him what really happend, and how her boyfriend was just trying to make him hate me, etc. It ended up the brother liked me better than her boyfriend and he told her she should go out with me instead.

Try calling him and seeing why he hates you so much.

If that doesn't work, then I'd say you will just have to just try to make it work. In time the brother and parents will grow to like you. It'd probably take like a year though.

Last edited by kenshiro; 01-28-2003 at 10:00 AM.
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Old 01-28-2003, 09:54 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally posted by LinuxGuy
I wouldent knock you for having a 17 yr old girlfriend, 10 years from now you would be 30 she would be 27.....
Just like I'm 33 and my wife 30.

I started seeing her when she was 19, I was 22.

No issues except the threat from her older brother (5 years older than I am, construction manager). "You hurt her, you answer to me." And her older sister (12 years my senior). "You hurt her, you answer to me". (And she's tougher than her brother...office manager for the Water Dept.).

I moved into her town when we got married. Now i'm known as 'The kid that married Dutch's youngest daughter.' (My wife is his youngest daughter/child of 4 daughters and 1 son)

--kC
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Old 01-28-2003, 10:01 AM   #14
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That's a mean little situation. I say confront the brothers.

-IggDawg

PS - pics
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Old 01-28-2003, 10:07 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by KC
Just like I'm 33 and my wife 30.

I started seeing her when she was 19, I was 22.

No issues except the threat from her older brother (5 years older than I am, construction manager). "You hurt her, you answer to me." And her older sister (12 years my senior). "You hurt her, you answer to me". (And she's tougher than her brother...office manager for the Water Dept.).

I moved into her town when we got married. Now i'm known as 'The kid that married Dutch's youngest daughter.' (My wife is his youngest daughter/child of 4 daughters and 1 son)

--kC
I find that perfectly ok, thats the culture. Girls that are 17-19 years old tend to go out with men that are 3-6 yrs. older.
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Old 01-28-2003, 10:14 AM   #16
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Ok... here's the deal about ME...

I'm going to be straight out honest. I got a kick @ss job when I was 18 years old. When I first got the job, I was making 70k/year. I make a little more now, but it's close to the same. I started dating her when she had NO IDEA I made good money. I drove an 87 cutlass supreme, and lived in a tiny apartment. It wasn't until about 2 months later that I bought a WRX, and moved somewhere nicer. Then I had to leave. Her parents know I make good money, and her brothers do too. Her older brother(the jerk) is in college to be a chemical engineer. Her other brother(21) can hardly keep a job. I fly to see her every 3rd week, and rent a car. I'm not sure what her parents think about all of that. My girlfriend hates when I buy nice stuff for her, because she's affraid her parents will think she's just with me because I have money. Her dad has even said that to her recently, which made her start screaming at him.

Other than that, I'm honestly the nicest guy. I don't party. I do drink lightly, but just with friends on occasion. I don't smoke, or do any drugs. In fact, I got her to QUIT smoking. She also has an eating disorder that I have helped her overcome about 90%. She used to go to a counselor, but now she talks to me instead, and quit going to the couselor. She's more to me than anything else, and we both have been through a lot with each other.

Her parents don't know any of that. They don't know that I help her with her problem, and they have no idea about the positive influences I have on her. They just see me as some guy they probably think has 10 other girlfriends, and just wants to see their daughter for a weekend fling...

I also am very polite and well manered around her parents. I just don't get it!!! I hope to resolve this soon... and I may just do what you guys suggested, and fly out there...
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Old 01-28-2003, 10:18 AM   #17
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You want pics Igg??? geez... I have a good one of us together...

Last edited by WRXGuyInUSA; 01-28-2003 at 10:24 AM.
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Old 01-28-2003, 10:25 AM   #18
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If you make that much cake put a hit on that punk. Seriously though talk to your girl tell her it's really bothering you and see where she stands on the whole situation. Find out exactly what the older brother said about you so you can casually mention it and then refute it. After that move on to talking to the parents followed by the brother. If that doesn't work you need to ask your girlfriend if she's willing to alienate her family and continue to see you. If she is than she sounds like a keeper. Good Luck man.

PS - You probably already know wht her brother said about you so why don't you spill the beans man.
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Old 01-28-2003, 10:27 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally posted by WRXGuyInTulsa
You want pics Igg??? geez... I have a good one of us together, but need a host!!!
I can host if you need a site...

pm me..

In regards to your problem, I agree with the posts above in that she will be in College in a little while and that you and she can probably have a better relationship when she is a little less attached to the "family" both literally and figuratively. In regards to the parents and brother, I wouldn't approach them. You'll be out numbered and once people have a particular mind set on a subject, it’s often difficult if not impossible to change their mind...regardless of how much sense it may make.
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Old 01-28-2003, 10:29 AM   #20
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What the heck do you do to make that kind of money?

Is that in Hong Kong dollars or something?
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Old 01-28-2003, 10:45 AM   #21
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Talk to the parents................but seriously ............this spells serious trouble for you. She is 17 and appears to have strict parents.......She is going away to college......and you think her going away to college is going to make your relationship better???????

Personally I would walk away before she goes to college. Im 24 been there done that ....7 to 10 odds you will end up getting hurt here

Wolfie
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Old 01-28-2003, 10:47 AM   #22
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buy them a case of beer, that always settles differences.
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Old 01-28-2003, 10:56 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally posted by wolf8314
Personally I would walk away before she goes to college. Im 24 been there done that ....7 to 10 odds you will end up getting hurt here

Wolfie
I agree, college changes people. I had this one girlfriend for 3 years, then we went to different colleges and grew apart. I met a better chick anyways so it worked out well in the end.

So you gonna tell us what you do? Or, we you stretching the truth a little bit Like $70 a week or something?
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Old 01-28-2003, 11:05 AM   #24
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No stretching the truth here... actually I cleared $69,999 gross this year on my W2, plus I get Per-Diem for traveling, so I actually got $84,400

I work for a Power Plant Company as a Mechanical Technician for the start-up team. The company is called "Calpine"...

No lies... Want me to scan my stub!?!?!

I like the job, but I had to start moving around, which can suck sometimes. I move like every 6-8 months.
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Old 01-28-2003, 11:18 AM   #25
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Dude, just like everyone else....there comes a time in your life where you've got to step up to being a man and confront ugly problems head-on. This is one of those times. First, start with the parents. Talk to them, tell them your intentions, and explain how you don't know where all this is coming from. Then, try her brother, but chances are he's already made up his shallow mind and you'll probably always have problems with him (it's not fair, but that's life). That's about all you can do.....her parrents will respect you that much more for coming straight up with them instead of skulking around like a jittery teenager....just my $.02 Good luck...
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