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Old 07-08-2005, 02:33 PM   #1
RaceCarRiot
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OMGHi2U article i wrote for a friend's site on that 3-lettered musical genre you all love...

...EMU! just thought i'd share this with all the haters on here. no cliffs. not like you have anything better to do today.

---------------------------------------------

I am a polite co-worker.

As is the case with being polite in any social situation, you often find yourself enduring things that in other otherwise less polite instances, would make you want to ask people what the **** they're doing, and/or possibly escalate the situation beyond that.

But for now, you just politely smile, nod, and go with the flow, feigning being completely non-chalant.

In accordance with being a polite office-mate, I keep my music barely audible, so that only I can hear it at my desk. Not only do I need to maintain some semblance of professionalism while I'm making monkey noises or making light of my co-workers' marital situations, I need to be able to hear the phone, and as cool as I think Drive Like Jehu or ISIS are, I somehow strongly suspect those around me wouldn't share my enthusiasm. So therefore, I keep it down.

However, as a result of my desire to get along with folks, I'm routinely exposed to things I try to avoid aurally. And since my co-workers aren't exactly "up" on music (or how to control their volume even after repeatedly asking them to keep it down), I get to hear all the stuff that wasn't cool 5 years ago to begin with all over again, now that it's trickled down into the mainstream consciousness.

Of course now that this dreaded nu-emo crap is somehow still all the rage 2 or 3 years later, I get to hear plenty of it. I thought all the 8 foot tall, anorexic, bed-head sporting mongoloids whining about their lives like a 4 year old girl who lost her favorite Barbie, with their bandmate on the backup vocals sounding like he's getting raped by a 7-foot tall black man, set to music that liberally borrows from the early 90's Revelation Records catalog would have died out by now...somehow it's still alive, kicking, and spitting out plenty of useless children.

So yes, I've become inadvertently familiar with bands like Saosin, and today I got asked if I knew who My Chemical Romance was. "No, I've never heard them, but I can tell you right now without hesitation, they suck." Yes, I'm pre-emptively hating, but I also know I don't ever need to set foot in the Parliament House [editors note for non locals: it's the gheyest of gay clubs] to know I would definitely not enjoy going out for an evening on the town there, or that I don't need to watch an episode of Survivor to know how much i would hate it.

Much like I can certainly tolerate people of different orientations, I can also tolerate really bad music. But my tolerance for this new breed of emo bands is beginning to wear thin - quickly. Never mind the horribly chichéd delivery, the lyrics are what drives this boat into the rocks. I had the most wonderful epiphany. It occurred to me then that emo music is not about writing songs, but about realizing that emo songs are being written all the time. The only trick is writing them down.

How does one identify those magical emolyrical moments? They can happen at anytime, and about any topic. The trick is all in the delivery and the phrasing. For instance, a common everyday exchange of dialogue can become an emo song simply by changing the phrasing.


"Please pass the syrup.

There isn't any left.

There's never any left...

...there's never any left."


Without even asking your permission, some shaggy haired youngster in at the next table has undoubtedly slapped an imaginary guitar lick behind your statement, and changed the phrasing/metering for maximum dramatic impact. They might even embellish it with a couple "she said's." Thus, the simple act of passing a mealtime condiment has turned into a monumental, life-altering statement, perfect for copying and pasting into myspace and livejournal profiles.

In what other instances might you find yourself accidentally writing emo songs?

Traffic is a popular emo-composing situation. "Everyone is always trying to cut me off, but they can't see that I'm going somewhere." Or, on the phone to parents you might say, "I'm broke but okay; come visit soon." And of course there are our worst moments which scream emo, usually drunken phone calls to ex-girlfriends who are inches away from filing for restraining orders.

Now that you know how to recognize an emo song, you can amaze and astonish your friends. Point out to them whenever they accidentally write a tender emotional ballad. Then laugh heartily. Better yet move to Omaha, start a band, and turn whiny self-oriented conversation into a lucrative art form. KA-CHING!
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Old 07-08-2005, 02:37 PM   #2
quentinberg007
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Since you have it figured out, why aren't you cashing in?

~~Quentin
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Old 07-08-2005, 02:42 PM   #3
Bonzo
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I take it you have some pretty strong feelings (emotions) about this topic.
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Old 07-08-2005, 02:44 PM   #4
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Last edited by Detroit wagon; 07-08-2005 at 03:00 PM.
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Old 07-08-2005, 02:59 PM   #5
Guru Imakuni
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Old 07-08-2005, 03:06 PM   #6
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But my favorite three-lettered music genre is ska
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Old 07-08-2005, 03:08 PM   #7
RaceCarRiot
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Guru Imakuni

HERRO!!



PS - i'm sorry JGard. the next one i do will probably be on nu-new wave. by that time ska should be coming back around again.
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Old 07-08-2005, 03:29 PM   #8
Bonzo
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I actually thought it was going to be about rap.

Definately not one of my favs.
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