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Old 04-09-2022, 05:23 PM   #1
AVANTI R5
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Default Next Land Rover Discovery will be mid-engined Sports Car



Quote:

Today, British 4x4 specialist Land Rover has announced the next Land Rover Discovery will be a lightweight sports car.

Tired of all the traditional sports car makers – Ferrari, Lamborghini, Alpine, Aston Martin and now even Lotus – muscling onto its patch with big lifestyle SUVs, Land Rover has decided to beat them all at their own game.

“We reckon there’s a real gap in the market for Land Rover to deliver a purists’ driving machine,” a Land Rover spokesman told TopGear.com.

“As all of the sports car brands scramble to copy our Range Rover Sport, we’ve calculated sales of a halo sports car could top almost eight units per year, making it twice as popular as the Evoque Cabriolet.”

So why the change of direction for the deluxe Disco-4x4?

“Turns out no-one really wanted a massive, wonky-arsed, school run tank. But we realised if we just flipped the platform around, we had the perfect basis for a mid-engined, 4WD sports car. With a wonky face.”


Land Rover HQ has secured government permission to concrete over its local Cotswold off-road trails to build a private test track for shaking down its new 911-chaser. “We looked into hiring Silverstone, but it was block-booked by Aston Martin desperately trying to make a DBX out-lap a Valkyrie,” claimed a source.
Company insiders also say they’ve been paying close attention to social media accounts upset about the new Lotus Eletre and Ferrari Purosangue while deciding the Discovery’s spec list. “It’ll have a manual gearbox, a hard-crank start, a manual choke and weigh less than one of Gordon Murray’s teabags,” promised powertrain chief Ian Fotainment-Meltdown.

“We’ve also recoded our usual Terrain Response software so that instead of setting the car up for whatever surface it’s on, the new Discovery will wildly oversteer even in a straight line. People who are definitely going to buy this model with real money are fed up with all these safe, user-friendly, reliable modern sports cars.”

The new Discovery aims to launch on 1st April next year, in time to battle Singer’s reimagined Cayenne. “It’s been a real challenge for us,” admitted Land Rover. “It’s taken us since Christmas just to get the rear numberplate in the right place.”
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Old 04-11-2022, 04:58 PM   #2
car_freak85
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Member#: 13530
Join Date: Dec 2001
Chapter/Region: NWIC
Location: Cascadia
Vehicle:
EA63 , EA81T, EJ20G,
EJ205

Default

Would have expected this on 04/01/2022... If this is where the automotive landscape is headed, with Ferrari/Lambo/Lotus building SUVs while LR is building sports cars, all with the shadow of soul-less EVs creeping up from behind...

I think I'm going to take up knitting...
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Old 04-11-2022, 06:56 PM   #3
Kostamojen
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Chapter/Region: BAIC
Location: Fire Caves
Vehicle:
2019 Macan 4cyl
1993 Impreza FWD WRX swap

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Quote:
Originally Posted by car_freak85 View Post
Would have expected this on 04/01/2022... If this is where the automotive landscape is headed, with Ferrari/Lambo/Lotus building SUVs while LR is building sports cars, all with the shadow of soul-less EVs creeping up from behind...

I think I'm going to take up knitting...
This WAS an April 1rst joke, AVANTI just wasn't paying attention this year.
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